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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU: Ego driven man at work

6 replies

Loka123 · 28/05/2019 23:15

Ok so I (mid-20s female) work for a company for a few years now and about a year ago, a man (mid-50s) joined, let's call him "Tim".

At work, let's say the job hierachy has 6 levels (level 1 being the lowest and level 6 being the boss).

I used to be on level 2 but now on level 3. Tim joined at level 4 (primarily due to him being double my age and so supposedly having a lot of experience).

Tim is easy to get along with in a social context but in work context, he's incredibly stubborn and will never agree with anything anyone says and will stick to his guns no matter what (he's not loud but a quiet stubborn kind) - I've noticed this behaviour with a lot of men in their mid-50s (they get very set in their ways and pride doesn't allow them to back down). He'll happily quietly argue/debate until sunset if he needs to, about every little tiny thing.

I find he likes to keep up appearences that he knows what he's doing but quite often, there's a lot he doesn't know - he has no education beyond high school level (which I know he is insecure about as a lot of the staff here even have doctorates (PhDs). He has worked for the last decade in a completely unrelated field (but worked for the 15 years before that in our field).

Aside from his stubborness, another annoying thing about him is he loves to mansplain and even his compliments come across very patronising. He's all to happy to be the "teacher" as it makes him feel superior but always brushes it under the rug facts like me training him when he arrived at work (he downplays it massively).

Anyway, the other day, as he'd taken time to learn more about a machine that I'd initially trained him on, he offered to give me training along with another staff member (who is level 1 and directly managed by him).. during that convo, he continually kept grouping the level 1 staff member with me (level 3) and grouping himself (level 4) with the level 5 staff member.. he does it all the time as he's got some sort of insecurity because he knows all the other staff in his level are far more knowledgeable and able than he is so always groups me with the level 1 staff member to make himself feel better. I'm not the only one who thinks he's not up to his role (the few that do like him fall for the chat of him portraying he knows more than he does or his external friendliness).

Even when he initially started at the job and I was on level 2, he'd always try and make me do the dogsbody tasks (despite me taking time to train him on technical stuff etc.), he constantly looks for every opportunity to nit pick anything I do and happily mansplains for hours.

He even "jokingly" said at the time, I'm the lowest position out of everyone (this was before the level 1 staff member started) so I should do his menial tasks for him and he'd ask how I must feel to be soo highly educated yet in such a low position (again, insecurity that he hasn't got anything beyond basic high school education).

Infuriates me and unbelievable that I have to have to put up with such irritating, childish behaviour from a middle aged man...

AIBU?

What would you do? What do you think about this?

Thanks

OP posts:
Happyspud · 28/05/2019 23:18

Look him straight in the eye and call him out.

If you feel you can’t do that, some of the things he’s said could easily be reported as bullying. Report him to HR.

DuchessOfRednecks · 28/05/2019 23:24

He sounds so annoying but id try and focus only about behaviors of his that obstruct your goals.
That is, he may be extremely annoying but is that in itself harming you at work.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 28/05/2019 23:28

The actuary way is to very nicely and politely ask someone lots of technical questions about the thing that they are pretending to know about.

DeeCeeCherry · 28/05/2019 23:53

People like this are given too much of an audience. I would only speak directly to someone like that if I had to. & then only very briefly. I just don't care what people like this think, or have to say.

The bit where you say he 'jokingly' said..I wouldn't even hear his 'joke' as within seconds I'd be out of his presence doing something else that needed doing. Not interested, don't need to hear it.

Keep it professional and brief, and if anything he says to you feels as if he's bullying then report him.

MitziK · 29/05/2019 00:31

Smile broadly and say 'Well, Tim, I have you say you've learned a lot since I first trained you in using the Flangecrimperundercuttingberserker Machine. I'm very impressed. You've worked ever so hard to go from not being able to switch it on to now telling Fred and Lisa how to use it, great progress. Well done, Tim'.

Loka123 · 30/05/2019 20:42

Haha thanks everyone so far

It's just so annoying... and he does it snidely whilst seeming very soft, reasonably and "kind", even pretends to be slightly shocked if offence is taken.. :/

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