Tell me a joke

[letsleepingbabieslie]

I need a laugh. Tell me your best (awful) joke.
Why did the french chef only use one egg in her omelette?
Because one egg was un oeuf.
(‘Enough’)

Seal walks into a club....

What's pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.

What's blue and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding it's breath

I went to the mirror shop today. I thought I could really see myself buying something here.

What happened to the frog which broke down on the motorway?
It got toad away

What happened to the fly which landed on the toilet seat?
It got pissed off

What’s brown and taps on the window?

Poo on a stick!

These have made my day. I love bad jokes.
What kind of bees make milk?
Boobies.

Also:
What’s worse than finding a worm in your food? Finding half a worm in your food.
What’s worse than finding half a worm in your food? Nuclear apocalypse.

I met the bloke who invented window sills the other day.

Total ledge.

What do you call a Frenchman in sandals?
Fillipe filop

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?

A can't opener

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

He pasta-way

What was Forrest Gumps passcode?

1forrest1

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar.

The barman says "What is this - some kind of a joke?"

A woman got a new parrot which used to live in a brothel. It was a chatty thing and would talk to anyone. When her daughter came in he said ‘how was your day?’ When her son came in, he said ‘I like your hair’. When the woman’s husband came in the Parrot said ‘Hi Keith’

Me: Knock knock..
You: Who's there?
Me: Boo
You: Boo who
Me: Aww whats the matter?
😂😂

I've been taking a course to learn how to build a roof. I can't seen to grasp it though. It just goes over my head.

I know I've had my troubles, but They've been through some major shit them you know. My arse cheeks.

I.just can't get over it. A 50 foot wall

I can't stand watching the darts. I just don't see the point.

Note to self. You're not thinking of going on next years BGT, are you.

Not a joke but this is funny when you send it to someone (it doesn’t work on WhatsApp as that tells you that someone has sent a photo which obviously notifies them that it not a pic)

Two lions walking through town. One says to the other: "Not many people about".

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for the Fresh prints.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

He was outstanding in his field.

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It was driving down the road when it turned into a field!

Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea-weed....

My wife screamed at me "you haven't listened to a single word I said have you"
I thought "that a funny way to start a conversation"

I asked my wife if I'm the only one she's been with? Yes she said, all the others were nine or tens.