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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How much would you pay?

58 replies

Lightbulbs · 28/05/2019 19:41

More what is reasonable rather than AIBU....

I have a DD that is 19 months and I'm due my 2nd DD in July. As it's the summer holidays, I'm thinking about asking my younger sister (15) to help me with the toddler. How much do you think is reasonable to pay her per day?

It won't be sole charge
She lives in Wales so will live with us Mon to Fri
We are based in London
She'll have her own room
We'll pay for her trains home
Will be for 5 weeks max/ only a summer holiday job

OP posts:
MojoMoon · 29/05/2019 14:29

I agree you should pay her a reasonable sum - 25-40 a day?

Maybe she could stay in London for some of the weekends but pay for the train ticket for a friend to come and stay too for the weekend? I imagine that would be a big draw. Depends if you are happy having two teenagers around though...if they are fairly sensible sorts, it should be fine and they'd be out all day doing studf

fedup21 · 29/05/2019 14:34

No way would I want my 15 year old doing this. The holidays should be about spending time relaxing, being with friends and having fun-some real quality downtime before she’s into exam season. Not running around for virtually the entire holiday after toddlers.

If she was really desperate to do it, 1 week, maybe 2 at absolute most, and I would pay her very well.

junebirthdaygirl · 29/05/2019 15:21

My dis at 15/ 16 did this for me regularly years ago when my DC were little..She found the long Summer holidays a bit too much and enjoyed the change. No way would she be working all day. Just mainly for that ...run after the toddler while l breast feed the baby..moments. Also we would have great chats ..l would take her shopping for new clothes etc. Its perfectly fine if she wants to do it. Give her choices. I wouldn't see it as employing her as then if she is a bit lazy you will get agitated. Just a helping hand and a change for her. Make sure she has fun too with outings shopping etc. Maybe getting to know London as l know my teen would have felt cool getting to do that.

Sceptre86 · 29/05/2019 15:32

No exactly the same but by 20 year old sister came to stay with me when my ds was 6 weeks old for two weeks. She would help feed my ds a bottle whilst I was feeding my Dd or vice versa and also watch them whilst I made our lunch and tea. She would wash dishes and run the hoover around too. I took her out to see as many different places as possible and we would go for lunch or tea out. We went shopping and I paid for it to say thanksfor all her help. She had a great time with her niece and nephew and has been back several times since.

Maybe just ask if she wants to come over for a week or two and wait till you feel you will be ok to get out and about so she can do some fun stuff with you in London. You definitely don't sound like you are using her as a skivvy and a it really isn't a big deal for sisters to help each other out if she is willing.

PizzaForPusheen · 29/05/2019 15:40

This is one of those funny fuzzy grey areas- is it a job or is it a family member helping out informally. It’s all starts out good natured and then everyone ends up feeling taken advantage of.

Think it’s best to make it as clear as possible. So I think that means deciding what it is. If it’s a job, then it’s market rates for a child minder or junior nanny not minimum wage. If it’s a family member helping out informally, then do something like buy her an iPhone or a laptop at the end, and give her bed, board and spending money while she’s there.

I honestly don’t think you can count bed and board as part of any remuneration/reward, as this is very much something you want/need, and she wouldn’t need the bed and board unless she was helping you.

In either case I think you’re going to have to be a bit more realistic about duration and hours of duty. So it might be that 2-4 weeks is more realistic than 5 weeks. And she should get to chose for how long.

You obviously don’t intend it like this, but what you’re proposing is a bit like a zero hours contract for a certain angle. Expecting a teenager to hang around for 12 hours a day to work a few hours “as needed” is something fast food places get castigated for.

So maybe expecting her to help with feeding lunch and tea, and look after your oldest every afternoon would be more realistic, whether that involves a trip out or just playing at home. Something like 12-5 or 1-6 everyday. That’s a big time commitment for someone that age, so it would need to be a job that pays her a decent hourly rate.

Or more informally, expect her to help out with lunch or tea, plus give you a couple of hours help a day at a variable time and say it’s a helping hand not a job and just treat her a lot and buy her a pretty big ticket gift at the end.

What you don’t want is a situation something similar to when people expect an au pair to be a nanny, and you end up with a stressed out/pissed off teenager as well as two young children.

Aprillygirl · 29/05/2019 17:59

•No way would I want my 15 year old doing this. The holidays should be about spending time relaxing, being with friends and having fun-some real quality downtime before she’s into exam season. Not running around for virtually the entire holiday after toddlers.•

You wouldn't want one of your daughters helping out your other daughter in return for spending money and a new experience/adventure? I find that really strange, and would be actively encouraging it if I were OP's parent. The younger sister is only required to help watch one toddler and would still have plenty of downtime and her weekends to see friends,plus get to spend lots of time with her sister,who she perhaps doesn't get to see that often at the moment. What's not to like about that?

HiJuice · 29/05/2019 20:48

150 a week sounds fine, you can expect 3 hours of genuine help plus hanging out, and make it fun by going for the odd trip out.
It's strange that so many people are saying a 15 year old needs 6 weeks off in summer. Surely it's normal to have a holiday job at that age? How is letting them play x box for 6 weeks better than letting them gain some experience /live away from home/earn their own money? A summer doing nothing would be boring and lonely after the first week for many 15 year olds.

fedup21 · 29/05/2019 21:30

Surely it's normal to have a holiday job at that age?

I don’t know any 15 year olds with a holiday job, no. At 17, yes-most have.

As I said, I would be fine with my daughter doing this for 2 weeks, just not 5.

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