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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave the kids behind?

20 replies

dragonflyflew · 28/05/2019 17:57

There a big family party this summer, a celebration of someone’s big age and all my rellies from near and far will be going. We don’t live anywhere near them.
I’m a single mum and the party falls on my kids’ weekend with their dad.
Previously with other parties (mainly different side of the family) I’ve taken the kids from their Dad’s and to whatever the family celebration It is.
This time tho I’m tempted to leave them behind. Due to distance we’re not a ‘close’ family and I’ve always stressed how important it is to me for my kids to be around their cousins wherever possible. The last one was November...
My kids are under ten, very ‘lively’ and oft times demanding, particularly the eldest who has touches of social anxiety which can manifest in quite brattish behaviour...
I’m torn. It’s so much easier for me to go alone, travel, accommodation etc, if I go alone I can have a bed with my sister otherwise I have to find and pay for room for me and kids plus train fare etc.
I have illnesses which cause pain and fatigue and are exacerbated by stress.
I know I’d be more relaxed without the kids but at the same time feel so mean leaving them out of this big event where other (easier to manage as not mine) kids will be.
Aibu to leave them wth their dad?

OP posts:
MaximusHeadroom · 28/05/2019 17:59

Go on your own.
It sounds like taking them would be stressful and hard work.
They won't care

Bluerussian · 28/05/2019 18:19

Go on your own, you can relax and enjoy yourself.

bridgetreilly · 28/05/2019 18:25

If it was your weekend with them, I'd say suck it up and take them, but I wouldn't try to rearrange things specially. They can go to their dad's and you can go to the party with a clear conscience.

dragonflyflew · 28/05/2019 19:19

Thanks guys, that really helps. I was actually expecting a flaming!

OP posts:
Moondancer73 · 28/05/2019 19:51

Go, enjoy a family get together and make the most of it.

Gindrinker43 · 28/05/2019 19:53

Have a lovely time.

dragonflyflew · 28/05/2019 22:52

Aww moondancer73 and gindrinker43 , What fab names you both have. Thank you, I really appreciate it. Guilt has been a big issue all my life so I do worry about stuff like this!

OP posts:
Foxmuffin · 28/05/2019 22:55

Go on your own. Enjoy yourself.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 28/05/2019 23:25

Definitely enjoy catching up with your family without one eye on the DCs, it's more important they spend time with their (NR)DF than cousins anyway.

Haggisfish · 28/05/2019 23:26

Go and have fun!

EKGEMS · 28/05/2019 23:54

Enjoy yourself! I'm sure there will be plenty of family get togethers that fall on your weekend in the future. You deserve to relax as well!

BlackeyedGruesome · 29/05/2019 00:02

you really can not deprive ex of his weekend with the children for some distant relatives, how terrible if you did... Wink

you absolutely must leave them with him and console yourself by travelling alone to the family party...

have fun

Hidingtonothing · 29/05/2019 00:06

God yes, go alone and don't feel a second's guilt! It sounds like it's rare you get to properly relax and be 'off duty' so you should absolutely take those opportunities when they present themselves. Hope you have a fabulous time Smile

Crimebustersofthesea · 29/05/2019 00:10

Definitely go alone and have fun. I'm sure they'll have fun with their dad and you can relax and enjoy the party. Nobody loses!

Chocmallows · 29/05/2019 00:12

Let go of the guilt. The break will do you good and you can do something nice with DC after.

AtrociousCircumstance · 29/05/2019 00:14

Go on your own, enjoy. Smile

cakeandchampagne · 29/05/2019 00:17

Go on your own & have fun!
Make sure you have some great pictures of your children.
And take some to share when you get back.

cstaff · 29/05/2019 00:39

Go alone, relax, have a few and enjoy. It would be a lot more complicated if you were trying to swap weekends. Have fun.

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 29/05/2019 01:09

100% go alone and enjoy the break.

dragonflyflew · 29/05/2019 01:29
  • haha! Thank you 😊 Thank you everyone, it’s a pretty unanimous ianbu, yay!!!
OP posts:
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