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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

not know what to do with this friendship situation?

19 replies

Quietlifewanted · 28/05/2019 17:07

There are 3 friends, A, B and C (sorry! Hope this doesn't get too confusing!) A buys expensive tickets for an event, telling B & C that they can give her the money for the tickets on the weekend of the event, which is months away as she'll use the money as spending money for the weekend. All good, everyone is good for the money and looking forward to the event.

In the meantime, A falls out with B, won't see B and won't tell her why. B tries and tries to get A to see her but she won't so B gives up and moves on with her life, maintaining a friendship with C.

C tries to maintain a friendship with A but A's behaviour makes it difficult for C. A & C have words, afterwards both say they want to remain friends and whilst C has tried many times to get A to see her, A starts ignoring texts, won't commit to meeting up, generally makes no effort to see C or maintain a friendship. C starts to give up and tries to moveon with her life.

Months and months pass with sporadic attempts at contact from B & C being ignored by A.

The weekend of the event is looming. A has 3 expensive tickets which she has had no money for. It's unlikely that A has anyone else to go with her and she likely won't get back what she paid for them if she tries to sell them. She hasn't contacted B or C.

B & C have tried to build bridges with A but she won't meet them half way. If you were B or C in this situation, what would you do? B thinks forget about it, A will be out of pocket due to her own behaviour. C wonders whether she should have one last try at getting in touch with A to see what she wants to do about the tickets. Neither B or C are that fussed about going to the event any more, being ignored by A for months has taken the shine off the friendship so even if A does get in touch, months worth of ignoring them is not going to be undone in a couple of days in time for the event.

I realise this all sounds very teenager like considering A, B & C are well into middle age! What should B & C do in this situation? Thank you if you got this far!!

OP posts:
Jengnr · 28/05/2019 17:09

Leave it. She’s made her bed.

IceCreamFace · 28/05/2019 17:12

I would just leave it. A doesn't sound like she wants to go with them anyway - she can find alternative travel companions or go alone. If I was B or C and had initiated the frosting over of the friendship I'd have offered to reimburse A but since A sounds like she's the one who made that decision I'd just leave her be. I would be very honest with yourself though whether you've done anything to hurt A and cause the sudden change.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 28/05/2019 17:19

Are they seated or standing tickets? I wouldn’t want to go and sit next to A but would consider standing elsewhere with B/C.

If I’d gone off it altogether I’d wait to see if A got in touch. She sounds too stubborn. (I might worry about her billing me after the event though).

Notthetoothfairy · 28/05/2019 17:21

Agree with PPs, just leave it.

Ginkypig · 28/05/2019 17:39

Don't say anything because it will just inflame a situation where a wants the money but doesn't want to go to the event with you

SecretMillionaire · 28/05/2019 17:44

Leave A to get on with it. Both B and C have reached out to resolve whatever the issue A has and she has been unresponsive.

altiara · 28/05/2019 17:48

I’d leave it. I’m sure A has lined up other people to go.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 28/05/2019 17:49

I'm with TestingTestingWonTooFree on this one.

KissUntilTheyDieOfRabies · 28/05/2019 17:53

Walk away. For whatever reason, A is being unreasonable. She can't make demands regarding the tickets when B and C have both repeatedly tried to repair this and she won't speak to them.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 28/05/2019 17:55

I get the impression that If A wanted the money for them she wouldn’t be too shy about getting in touch and asking for it:

sackrifice · 28/05/2019 17:56

She may have sold them on.

Move on.

redcarbluecar · 28/05/2019 17:57

If you are C, you could maybe send A a short message confirming that you won’t be attending, so that she can get someone else to go, or refunds. But she’s made her decision by choosing to ignore her friends, so just leaving it would be justified too.

TheLastNigel · 28/05/2019 18:09

If I were b or c and wanted to try one last time I'd contact a to say I was aware she is out of pocket and what would a like to do? Say B and c are happy to pay and go separately to a if that's what she wants-hope that opens some dialogue.
If you can't be arsed ignore it-it's her issue.

Cruelstepmother · 28/05/2019 18:27

Just wondering if A really HAS bought the tickets? These reasons not to stay in touch sound a bit like excuses.

Anyway, it sounds like A will have already accepted that, whoever is going with her, it won't be B or C. I'd say no more about it and let her take the loss.

icelollycraving · 28/05/2019 18:30

Leave it. If they contact her about the tickets she may well think that’s all they want.
If they’ve genuinely tried before, then no, I wouldn’t think they would bother.

vincettenoir · 28/05/2019 18:34

A is the one who brought and paid for the tix, that are hers. It’s for her to work out what she plans to do with them.

MrsDrudge · 28/05/2019 18:48

A has probably got other people to go with her/pay for the tickets which is why she’s not bothered with B and C.

Quietlifewanted · 28/05/2019 18:53

Thank you everyone for your responses. I am C (sorry hope this doesn't annoy everyone, I wasn't quite sure how to phrase things in my post!) A's behaviour towards B has been unreasonable in my opinion and, although I didn't say this directly to A at the time (I wish I had now!), I tried to offer A advice on how to resolve things which is what has lead to me being cut off too.

I think I'm going to follow your advice and leave it. I don't want A to be out of pocket but she has literally done nothing for months to try to build any bridges with me or B. I suppose it's not my problem if she loses out financially. I won't be paying a penny towards the tickets if I don't get to use them, which I suppose will be the final nail in the coffin for our friendship. This makes me feel really sad but I'm not sure what I can do. I thought I'd left all of this friendship angst behind when I left school many, many moons ago!
Thanks again all!

OP posts:
macblank · 28/05/2019 18:59

Most events can be cancelled if more than 2 weeks in advanced without financial loss.... Generally speaking.

A, could get most if not all her money back, if she had any sense?

I agree, your right to ignore A. What happens to the tickets is up to her, so don't feel guilty as A did this to herself.

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