Door holding etiquette when you have a disability.

[HoldingTheDoor]

I have nerve damage to both arms and struggle to carry anything that's at all heavy and sometimes can't use one arm at all. I can struggle to hold open doors as I have very little strength in them but can generally hold them open briefly. Enough to let someone through

I was in a small shop today and saw a woman struggling to get her buggy in. I took the door and tried to hold it open, which I did, but it slid back a little hitting the buggy wheels lightly. She said For god sake are you holding it open or not? I felt that was rude but was also embarrassed. I guess she was having a bad day.

So, a question WIBU? If I struggle with doors it is ruder to try and struggle a little or ruder not to help at all?

Why didn't you explain you had a disability?

She sounds rude, you did a nice thing and she was ungrateful.

She was rude but it sounds like she was having a bad day. I would just let it go knowing you were doing a kind thing.

I should have but my brain can process slowly sometimes(due to another (disability) and I was taken aback.

She was really rude! If someone holds the door for me so I can get the pushchair through then once I'm far enough through to lean over the top of the pushchair and brace the door with one hand, I do so, and I say thank you.

I'd do whatever you feel up to doing on any given day, if you feel able to hold the door then do but if you don't then don't.

Why didn't you explain you had a disability?

Why should she have to?

Yeah she was rude but if you struggle to do it then maybe don't in future

Why should she have to

Obviously she doesn't have to, but if someone treats me like shit because I can't do something, I will call them on how shit they're behaving and tell them exactly why my disabilities prevent me from doing said thing. Unless I'm in my wheelchair - people aren't as cunty when your disability is visible.

Unless I'm in my wheelchair - people aren't as cunty when your disability is visible.

so no one has ever tried to move your chair while you're in it without asking you ? And then seems surprised when you can talk ?

people aren't as cunty when your disability is visible.

That is so true. I see a difference in how DS is treated based on whether or not he's wearing his ear defenders. No ear defenders and we sometimes get cunty remarks about his behaviour (or worse, the people who point and laugh), ear defenders on and the majority of comments we get are "oh bless him, has he got that autism? Does he not like noise? Poor little poppet."

I was the only person in the shop(besides the staff in the back) so I thought that it'd have been ruder if I didn't try to help and generally I can hold it open long enough to allow one person through even if it's a little difficult, but it was a heavier door than most.

"Well fuck you very much, you rude cow"

Yep. Visibility of disability equates to understanding in my experience too. When I’m walking with my stick, I get more leeway with slow walking, people holding doors, getting seats, etc. If I’m not, then people tut if I am slow, I find it difficult to get a seat on public transport, etc.
It’s wrong, but I do sometimes take my stick to events, or when I know it will be busy, so that I can get these allowances made. If I just say ‘please can I have a seat’, the response is often being ignored, or being told ‘stand, you lazy cow!’

so no one has ever tried to move your chair while you're in it without asking you ? And then seems surprised when you can talk

Nope, never. They wouldn't get very far if they did try - it's a large powerchair and the wheels lock unless I'm moving it.

Have to say, people are much much nicer to me when I’m in my wheelchair, to the extent that they usher me to the front of queues and run around after me.

When I’m hobbling around with my stick people jostle me and nip in front of me in queues.

And when I’m in my scooter they practically spit at me. Scooter seems to equal lazy faker.

That's why I chose a wheelchair over a scooter, despite the massive price hike. Scooter = fat and lazy. It's appalling.

Indeed Crazy I’d much rather be hopping on and off my scooter and walking as much as I can. But society treats me better when I use a wheelchair.