Angry

[magnatis]

I'm angry.
My husband runs his own business and I'm a SAHM mum. If I'm honest I'd love to run a business on the side as my husband does but we can't afford childcare as we have twins. I love being here for the twins but it's hard work sometimes and lonely during the school holidays. A lot of activities run during term time.

My husband bothers me as I have to nag for him to mow the lawn (basically do any kind of chore around the house). He will if I ask but I don't want to be the manager of the house. He feels like an extra child and I feel unloved.

He hasn't organised any holidays away from work. He doesn't think about family time or that I would like help sometimes for a week. He hasn't taken a week off since the twins were born. I would rather he become an employee than trying to struggle by as a business owner. We've already said no to a family holiday with friends which is fine but he hasn't suggested we go for a picnic or anything that doesn't cost a lot to do.

I just feel trapped and unloved. I've tried to tell him but he thinks I'm criticising and gets angry.

I'm sorry, he did take time off for maternity and does help after work with putting the kids to bed etc.

I think a lot of people dont appreciate how isolating being at home with children all day is.

Have you tried planning anything- can you find someone to babysit and go out for a meal?

Yeah I do that. It's just my husband's lack of effort. It doesn't reach.

You shouldn’t be angry. He might feel worn down by constant criticism despite being the main breadwinner. As you say he does help. Communication is key. Be honest with each other, expecting some harsh criticism from him too, but it will hopefully open channels of communication and stop things deteriorating further

How old are your kids? Can you do something for yourself while they are in school? If not and you can’t afford help can you team up with another family and do swaps (you look after their kids for an afternoon, then they take yours). Or are you specifically wanting more time with your husband?
Is your husband’s business new? Is he struggling to make ends meet? He may have become totally blinkered to what’s going on at home in his effort to get his business stable. You need to sit down and share this with him. It sounds like he is so focussed on work he doesn’t know how you feel. What may be obvious to you may not be for him unless you spell it out. Don’t be accusatory as he’ll just become defensive. (For example don’t say ‘we never do this, you never do that’, more like ‘Hey wouldn’t it be great to go out this Sunday to the park just the four of us? The kids would love to feed the ducks and play catch with you...’)

15 months . Not in school
Yet so it's really hard and I feel like I do the bulk of the work. It's
Difficult sometimes but I enjoy it 50% of the time I'd say. I would love to work part time but childcare is expensive.

That's the thing - I always ask and always initiate. There's no effort on his part to organise things. When I leave him to it we usually end up eating a chippy at 3pm, kids screaming because they're hungry and overtired and we just eat fatty, expensive food. Like a teenager or a university student. I'm fed up of it and it's hard work.