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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be shaken by road rage encounter with neighbour?

40 replies

anotherdamnname · 28/05/2019 13:12

I’ve recently moved to a quiet country lane, room for one car only.

We just met our neighbours across the road, they came round for drinks, got on very well, thought this could be a nice local friendship, plus the woman was going to introduce me to other local friends of hers.

This morning as I was driving on the lane towards our house, met this woman driving the other way. When she spots my car blocking her way I could see her start shouting aggressively, I paused then pulled forward very slightly (while trying to signal my intentions) so I could pull into another driveway and let her past, neighbour goes ballistic, starts beeping and yelling and eventually screeches off past me.

I’m not sure if she could tell it was me or not - our cars are parked off road so she probably won’t recognise my car yet, and I had the sunshade down so my face may have been hidden.

I was left quite upset by the whole thing, admittedly I’d already had a bad morning but it made it much worse and I feel it’s ruined a potential new friendship. She might have been having a bad day too, but if so she properly took it out on me

Say something or try and forget it?

OP posts:

Readytogogogo · 28/05/2019 13:15

How awkward! I'd probably pretend it never happened...

BogglesGoggles · 28/05/2019 13:16

Well at least you’ve been saved from a friendship with a nhtcase.

rosie1959 · 28/05/2019 13:17

Unless you were driving the wrong way up a one way road she sounds mad as a matter
Why not pop round and ask her what her problem was

Original poster

anotherdamnname · 28/05/2019 13:20

definitely a two way road! just very narrow.

Not sure I'm feeling brave enough for a face to face confrontation! I wondered about dropping her a message along the lines of "sorry I was in your way this morning, I'm still getting to grips with navigating the lane" or something. Mostly to passively aggressively let her know it was me

OP posts:

Treaclesweet · 28/05/2019 13:25

If you want her as a friend/ want her introductions to other saner people I would just ignore it. She probably didn't realise it was you.

DizzySue · 28/05/2019 13:27

Definitely don't send her a message. She's a nutter, but probably didn't recognise you, at least now you know it's best to politely avoid her.

Zoeputthatdown · 28/05/2019 13:28

Yikes she was spiky - she's probably got a thing about drivers in the lane and didn't recognise you. I wouldn't raise this with her.

Justbreathing · 28/05/2019 13:30

She’ll probably pop round to yours and rant on and on about people who have no business driving down country lanes when they don’t know what they’re doing!! Not knowing it was you!

Drum2018 · 28/05/2019 13:33

Don't apologise. She doesn't own the road and both of you had a responsibility to slow down and navigate passing each other, not just you. If you apologise and then meet her on the road again, she'll expect you to bow down to her. I'd say something to her along the lines of, 'was everything ok this morning Geraldine, you seemed to be in an awful hurry'.

tobypercy · 28/05/2019 13:34

I'm struggling to see why she was angry, you'll always have to wait for other drivers on a road like that. It would bother me too.

Next time you see her don't refer to the "meeting"(!) but ask for her advice on the best way to use the road because you're not used to such a narrow one. Maybe she always treats it as one-way and thinks you should have gone the other way round??

Laiste · 28/05/2019 13:38

I imagine she didn't realise it was you.

She's obviously a bit of a bully type though, because IME when you live in a smallish rural community it pays to be a bit careful who you get road ragey with once you're near home. The chances are you'll end up parking up next to them. She'll know that.

Timide · 28/05/2019 13:45

She is mad. Why would you shout like that in a very close neighbourhood area? I'd tell her off next time I see her.

doingasurvey · 28/05/2019 13:45

I completely disagree with PP saying you shouldn’t say something. People like this need to be called out, so that they realise that they can’t go around effing and blinding at people just because they think they don’t know them. What if you were a stranger who’d also had a bad day, and receiving abuse from somebody for no reason was enough for you to end it?

There’s another thread currently running on AIBU about these very types of people. Tell her it was you and next time, maybe she’ll think twice about mouthing off to an innocent person the nutcase

TheInvestigator · 28/05/2019 13:54

Don't apologise for being in her way! You weren't in her way!! She was as much in your way as you were in hers and the driver closest to a passing place/area to pull over should be the one to move. If you were doing that, then you've done nothing wrong. Don't apologise. I'd confront her about her road rage and point out that is really not an OK way to treat a neighbour but I'm argumentative.

Original poster

anotherdamnname · 28/05/2019 14:01

It's a dead end road so you have to go both ways.
I think she's probably used to there being very few cars, and I was just in wrong place at wrong time when she was in a hurry.
Thanks for all advice. I'm a wuss so will probably say nothing!

OP posts:

BrendasUmbrella · 28/05/2019 14:06

I wondered about dropping her a message along the lines of "sorry I was in your way this morning, I'm still getting to grips with navigating the lane" or something.

When you've posted it, make sure you lie down on the step so she can wipe her feet on you when she comes home.

Sorry, but you didn't do anything wrong. Don't apologize!

FizzyGreenWater · 28/05/2019 14:13

Saying nothing is best. It suits your personality, and it's much better than any of the apologising - don't get off on the wrong foot where you show her you'll defer to her. No no no!

She wouldn't have known it was you. Now you at least know she can be a right cow. However, randoms blocking the lane and parking nightmares may be the bane of her life - to be fair .

tararabumdeay · 28/05/2019 14:16

Learn some snazzy reversing - it's outrageous how many people can't do it effectively and spend ages zigzagging into hedges if they have to reluctantly give it a go. It's always easier just to go back yourself.

As proved by some fishing bloke in a brand new car, when finally reversing into a passing place ended up in a ditch which blocked the road and took half a day to pull out with the help of lorry straps and ratchets.

And the bloke who couldn't reverse 10m so I had to go all the way back over a bridge and round. Or...

Queenoftheashes · 28/05/2019 14:17

She won’t have known it was you and she’d be super embarrassed to find out. She was prob stressed and in a rush, who knows.
Once I was turning into my road and feeling rather on edge for some reason when I heard a car beep me as I passed. So I turned around and yelled FUCK YOU. it was my father saying hello.

MaudeLynne · 28/05/2019 14:23

Just forget about it, she probably has.

Although got to admit that I get pissed off on our local narrow roads when people just stop, all bunny in the headlights, and a have little think about what to do before indicating and pulling over. Much easier to meet a local and just bounce off the verges/gateways past each other.

It's even more annoying when they don't look further than their own car bonnet and go past passing places just before we meet. And while I'm having a little rant, when you're (not you, OP) driving on a narrow road, you can use the passing places on BOTH sides, it's far easier for the car that gets to the passing place first to pull off, not to stop in the road and wait for the other car to slow right down to drive around you - that way we both get home faster!

ilovesocks · 28/05/2019 14:25

I would say nothing and then laugh about it in six months when you feel comfortable enough if you feel the need, she will probably be mortified!

IceCreamFace · 28/05/2019 14:25

I'd pretend it never happened. Some people are absolutely mental as soon as they get behind the wheel. My friend's dad was like this. Normal friendly bloke most of the time but as soon as he started driving he acted as though everyone else was an idiot who had it in for him, he was so aggressive it was ridiculous. It got to the point his wife refused to go on long drives with him.

I live rurally and find sometimes local drivers are very impatient on the roads. They feel as locals they have right of way and anyone not driving at exactly the speed they deem acceptable or not instantly getting out of their way (even if it would be easier for them to pull over) gets an earful.

Goodenough06 · 28/05/2019 14:26

Weirdly, exactly the same thing happened to me once with a new neighbour i had been getting to know. Road wasn't wide enough for both our cars and I wasn't fast enough in my reversing to get out of "her way." Absolutely no attempt from her to do any moving despite neither of us having right of way. I could see her swearing and gesturing and calling me a stupid bitch. She hadn't noticed it was me...but funnily enough we ended up not being friends anyway. people are impatient and ignorant.

MyKingdomForBrie · 28/05/2019 14:33

What was it she wanted you to do? Was she expecting you to reverse, would it have made sense for you to? Sounds like you've dodged a bullet finding out before you made friends!

wonderwhat · 28/05/2019 14:34

She’s got anger issues! There’s no need for anyone to act like that. Shows just what type of person she is. Do not apologise. Don’t say anything. Just act normal and polite but be wary of her in the future.

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