I’ve been a SAHM for almost 8 years. My two youngest (DTs aged 3) are now due to start primary school in September and I’ve been applying to loads of jobs. It’s not terribly easy to go back after 8 years, especially in my field, but I’ve made headway and have a few potential offers for September. The thing is, my anxiety is through the roof. I’m having nightmares every night and am paralysed with anxiety in the day. I’ve suffered from pretty bad anxiety following a difficult birth with DTs so AIBU to list why I’m anxious and ask you if these reasons actually make any sense?
- I have absolutely no family/ support network to help with the kids. DH works long hours and often travels
- I am the first woman in my family (or DHs) to even attempt being a working parent, so I have really no model of how to be successful/ childcare arrangements etc
- DTs are born at the end of August, so will be the youngest in their year. They both communicate mainly with each other so are a bit slow to understand others/ strange adults and are extremely energetic. I am feeling excruciatingly guilty about not delaying their start date for a year and I’m really worried they will struggle with settling etc. I keep having nightmares about my poor babies feeling neglected and alone
- I have a good group of mum friends at my DS7s primary school, mainly SAHMs. The one I’m closest to, call her A, has started to make little comments about working parents, or perhaps I’m being oversensitive due to anxiety. Last week, there was an incident in an older class with some pretty horrific bullying. She said, ‘well what else can be expected, with both of bully’s parents working, of course their kid is going off the rails’. Then another comment about how rude children in childcare are. Today, we were planning a play date for the boys over half term and she said ‘We won’t invite X, both his parents work so they’ll never reciprocate’. The group agreed with her and I didn’t push it. I know her attitudes are wrong, but I worry I won’t be a good enough parent if I’m also working and my kids will go off the rails. I’m worried DS7 will be pushed out of his friendship group, and he’s such a shy little boy.
This last part, I can’t tell anyone in real life. DH and I have been struggling in our relationship for a little while. We’re working on it and things are now better but I feel extremely vulnerable being a SAHM. During a big argument last year, he threatened to leave and that he wasn’t ‘paying a penny for you or your kids’. He is a high earner. He’s since apologised and insisted of course it was just a dig, nothing else, but deep down I feel very vulnerable. The thought of being left high and dry with 3 kids and no income or career in my forties is terrifying. I promised myself after that fight that even if I had to work my butt off, I wouldn’t let myself be in a position to be threatened with that again. I’ve worked very hard over the last year to update my qualifications etc. I’m scared that with a rocky relationship and no family support I just won’t be able to manage everything.