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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Child never wants to go out!

26 replies

Ace56 · 28/05/2019 12:32

Long time lurker, first time poster.
I am a nanny to a 5 year-old. I’ve been with the family for 8 months so have a good relationship with her. She has 2 older brothers who are very sporty so are often at sports camps/competitions during the school holidays. This means it’s quite often just me and her during the day.

The problem is, she never wants to go anywhere/do anything! I suggest fun days out, like the zoo/amusement parks and also things closer to home, like going to the park or soft play. (Her parents leave it up to me what we do, they are easy with whatever). She always just wants to stay at home, where we end up playing imaginary games for a lot of the day (which she loves but drives me insane...) I then try and drag her out at some point for a walk/ice cream/treat, but even that is a battle. When we do go out for the day, she seems to have an ok time, but could quite easily have had just as good a time at home I feel. I have also suggested meeting a friend at the park, for example, but she always wants play dates at home instead!

AIBU to think this is not necessarily normal for a 5 year-old? Does anyone else have a home bod? How do you convince them to get out and about?

OP posts:

babysharkah · 28/05/2019 12:33

I wouldn't give the option. Just take them out!

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 28/05/2019 12:35

I have a friend with children like this! Mine are the opposite, never want to stay in!
I would get cabin fever staying in so definitely think you should just tell her what you’re doing for the day and head out, especially in the summer.
Is she happy to play in the garden ?

cochineal7 · 28/05/2019 12:36

If she is otherwise happy and healthy imaginary games seem fine. But she does need some outside time- vitamin D and exercise. Can you move some imaginary play to outside? Treasure hunts, fairy walks?

Lindy2 · 28/05/2019 12:39

Why are you letting a 5 year old control what you do or don't do each day?
Let her know each morning what you, as the adult, has planned.
i.e. "this morning we are going to the park to feed the ducks then we'll come home for lunch. Perhaps this afternoon we can also do some imagination games".
Job done.
Activities sorted.

CaptainMarvellous · 28/05/2019 12:40

My 7yo would quite happily stay in every day. I sometimes bribe him with sweet treats or just don't give him the choice. Getting him out to walk the dog this week will be challenging

Mysleepthiefslept · 28/05/2019 12:41

My 5 year old is like this too

WhereForArtThouBray · 28/05/2019 13:05

My son is just like this, he generally has a good time when we go out though so just tell the child what you are doing, rather than ask.

minisoksmakehardwork · 28/05/2019 13:08

Is she always out at her brothers sports and events when she's not with you? I wonder if she's fed up of being dragged around and really does just want to spend some time at home, enjoying her toys etc. Maybe see if she is allowed friends to come to her. Or timetable the week so she knows for example, on Monday you are going to the library in the morning, at home in the afternoon. Tuesday is a day out, Wednesday is a day at home with X coming over and so on.

Some people are just home bodies. I have a son who is quite happy being at home all the time with 3 siblings who want to go out. They all have to compromise.

Original poster

Ace56 · 28/05/2019 13:12

Thanks for the replies.
She is happy playing in the garden, so I think it’s going out the house that she doesn’t like, rather than being outside.
There are times where I don’t give her the option - this is difficult and causes tantrums but will have to be done I agree, especially in the summer holidays!
I don’t think her parents particularly enforce this, which doesn’t help...I get the impression that on weekends they don’t go anywhere if she doesn’t want to.

OP posts:

MoanyMoanyTodaySorry · 28/05/2019 13:13

!!sounds like my 5 year old ds!! DS1 is 7 and you can't keep him in! He has boundless energy and always wants to be out doing something! DS2 5, would rather be at home all day everyday! He also loves imaginary play, and yes, I hate it too!! (No I don't want to be a car AGAIN!!)!

I just think they r all different!

Is the little girl you look after in reception? I think after busy days of school some kids just want to be at home. Its not a problem with the child! It's a problem with us for not enjoying the imaginary play and finding it hard to stay in!! :)

MoanyMoanyTodaySorry · 28/05/2019 13:15

PS. What's wrong with staying in if that's what she wants? :)

NannyR · 28/05/2019 13:19

I think you just need to tell her that you are going out, maybe give her a few choices as to where you go but not the option of staying in.
I'm a nanny and at the beginning of the holidays we make three lists together; "places we want to visit", "activities we want to do" and "ideas for baking/cooking/lunches".
Places to visit include probably just one expensive day out, if that! (Farm park, soft play etc). Everything else is free or very minimal cost. The kids and myself all get to make our favourite suggestions, likewise with activities which can be things like craft projects, movie afternoons, gardening, making send etc.
It means that the kids get an input into what we do and whenever they are bored or at a loose end there are always some suggestions for things to do.
I always plan for down time at home too as I think learning to occupy and amuse yourself is a very useful skill! Although this is probably a bit easier when there are siblings around.

VaselineOnToast · 28/05/2019 13:24

I find things go more smoothly if I just tell my son (4.5) the plan for the day rather than consulting him.

MoanyMoanyTodaySorry · 28/05/2019 13:39

Also .. not meaning to be goady, but as my name implies, I'm not in the best of moods today so can't be bothered to wrap this all up in niceness!! ..

But as a nanny I presume you get paid to look after the girl? If she is 5, and wants to stay at home on weekends and in the half term holiday, then what's wrong with that?

Why push her to do something else? You are paid to look after her, not yourself.

I definitely can relate to how boring it is to play imaginary play all day, and I prefer to take my children out, but if you are getting paid, you need to do what's best for the child not yourself. Yes, it would be more enjoyable for you to go out to places paid for by the girl's parents, so you don't have to bother pretending to be a fairy, or have Teddy picnics in the garden. But it's your job to do those things, so I think you should just do them.

(If I was paying for someone to look after my 5 year old, and he wanted to do imaginary play all weekend after a busy week of school, I'd be upset to think the nanny was forcing him to go out because she didn't want to join in his imaginary play, and was putting herself first).

RedHelenB · 28/05/2019 14:32

Agree with MoanyMoany. A nanny is a different role to a parent.

Nogoodusername · 28/05/2019 14:33

My eldest always wanted to be out (and still does), i’ve always had to battle my youngest at the house. He loves being at home playing with his toys and in the garden. I wonder whether it’s because he has always had to ferry his big sibling to activities so likes having his own time. Anyway, I don’t try and force too many full days out on him. So in a week’s half term, we will probably do one full day out, and a couple of days where we do something in the morning and play at home in the afternoon

IceCreamFace · 28/05/2019 14:34

It does sound unusual - I know a few who would stay home glued to screens given the chance but it sounds like she's just at home playing. Is she perhaps just tired from school most of the time? I would probably get in the habit of a morning outing every day (swimming, walk, the park, the library to choose a book etc). Maybe once she established the habit it'll get easier?

Nogoodusername · 28/05/2019 14:34

That should have said ‘I have always had to battle my youngest out of the house’

bookmum08 · 28/05/2019 14:40

If she has a garden to play in then I don't see the problem. Not all children want to constantly be doing organised things. If she is happy I would leave her be. She will soon say if she wants to go out.

Bluerussian · 28/05/2019 14:43

It's not unusual and as she has two active brothers, she probably likes having the place to herself. I presume she goes in the garden so gets some fresh air.

Don't worry about it, if her parents aren't worried I'm sure she is OK. Maybe she goes on family outings when you are off duty & she has no choice.

Waveysnail · 28/05/2019 14:45

I'd arrange play dates over the holidays so she has someone to play make believe with.

NannyR · 28/05/2019 14:46

Sometimes what's best for the child is to have a wide range of things to do whilst also giving them time and space to follow their own interests and time to relax and chill out of that's what's needed.
The families I've worked for, have said that they have chosen a nanny because, amongst other factors, it's as close to being cared for at home by a parent.
If I'm caring for children for up to 60 hours a week then I have a big input into how those children are being brought up and to me that involves giving a variety of experiences and activities, as a parent would. Sometimes that means staying at home, sometimes a day out and picnic, sometimes boring stuff like a supermarket shop or getting the car washed. I listen to and accommodate their preferences, but I don't allow them to dictate what we do and where we go.

Rockbird · 28/05/2019 14:54

My kids are like this. Now 11 and 7 and would much rather just stay at home and potter round. They go out in the garden and mostly have a good time when we do drag them out but they'd much prefer not to go. Can't blame them, they've obviously got it from me!

TheBrilloPad · 28/05/2019 14:57

I have a three year old like this. No SEN diagnosed, but he finds busy places so overwhelming. We have been bowling/ soft play/ rock climbing so far this half term and every time he has sat on my lap in tears "I want to go home, I want to go home". He'll happily play in the garden, or an empty woodland, it's just the "sensory overload" of noise/people he hates.

Can you try a middle ground - go out to the park/forest with her teddies/dolls and have a teddy bear picnic? A woodland walk hunting fairies with a treasure hunt list etc? So lots of imaginative play with her, just outside the house. Break her in gently, so to speak.

goingonabearhunt1 · 28/05/2019 15:09

If the garden is big enough perhaps you could play some games that involve some moving around (catch, chase, swingball etc.) just to make sure she's moving a bit, otherwise I don't see much of an issue. If there isn't much room, maybe take her to the park every couple of times or something. She can play with her toys in the afternoon still if you go to the park in the morning for example so hardly forcing her out for hours and hours.

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