What is the relationship like with your parents now you are an adult, and how does it differ from when you were growing up. Also if you have inlaws what is the relationship like between your inlaws and you and your dh.
My parents, especially my dad was not that interested in me growing up in certain ways. I never remember them telling me to/checking if I was studying or checking I was doing my homework, never mind helping me with it. They never pushed me to do anything like extra activities so I never did any like music or sports because I was quite lazy so just played video games and watched TV instead. They also didn't take much of an interest in the things I was interested in. They were not bothered if I went to university etc. They did help me out by driving me to and from university and letting me live rent free during the holidays. Now that I am an adult they mostly treat me like an adult but since having children they have started to be alot more active in my life, but they have started to give some unsolicited advice which I find annoying. They do help out so not sure if I should let it slide.
My DH's dad was even less involved in his children's lives and once DH's parents divorced he just did the bare minimum. He always has that jokey additude where he is putting someone down. Now he is retired he is more interested in our dc. He doesn't give unsolicited advice yet.
My DH's mum she is very very involved in her childrens lives. She even wants control over the most minor things. Like for every birthday she texts or rings DH to make sure he sends a card and present, then rings him later to make sure he has done it. Sometimes she even tries to pick the present he should get or tell him how much he should spend. She also does this for every other card she thinks we must send, get well cards, thank you cards, congratulation cards etc. She told my DH the maximum amount he should spend on my engagement ring, and how much we need to donate at our sons christening (even getting in our faces demanding to know how much we intended to donate when we were trying to take pictures).
When we first started dating she said I should really make an effort and wear makeup. If dh puts on a little weight, she tells him he needs to walk to work (5 miles away), to only have 1 meal a day, asks if he is eating to much junk food, and when she visits touches his belly and makes comments like "ow dear". She didn’t want us to have a baby telling my DH "I hope your not trying for a baby". She got step fil to send us an email saying I might be a gold digger when we were moving in together. When we decided I would be a sahm MIL was not happy with this telling my DH I should just work because I need a job and even tried to bribe him by saying she will pay for part of nursery. After saying no to her offer a month later she decides to retire 5 years early. She tries to tell dh to get a different job, even getting fil to tell dh he needs to support his family more with a better job (the jobs are not even as well paid, don't require his PhD, but they are closer to her)
She constantly talks to me and DH as if we are children. When DH told her I was pregnant she was almost in tears on the phone asking how will we cope. She was against breastfeeding since I have got pregnant always making negative comments. She was constantly telling my DH she would buy him a prep machine and you can formula feed instead. She also came into my bedroom when I was trying to breastfeed and she told me “its just so difficult you should give up".
She uses emotional blackmail to try and get what she wants. Like after always spending Christmas at her house, the first time we were going to spend it with my parents her reply was "but it could be your grandmothers last Christmas". If he doesn't do what he wants she will either give him the silent treatment or be very passive aggressive. Her behaviour has made me alot warmer to my parents.