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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parking wars

16 replies

Whatshouldmynamebe321 · 28/05/2019 07:11

Am I unreasonable to think a 47 year old man should move one of his two cars off the drive and allow his elderly dad to park there?

My ex is a nasty bully...upon leaving me he set up home
at his dads and disturbs his peace having our children stay there.
He owns two vehicles...unnecessary but ego boosting. And they are always parked on the drive leaving his frail father to park on the road. The children tell me this is always the case and grandad makes hints but daddy doesn't ever move for him.

I'm just dumbfounded how he can consider this ok! The house is his dads!

OP posts:
HaveNoSocks · 28/05/2019 07:14

He sounds like a monumental twat. For your own sanity I'd avoid hearing and thinking too much about this bellend it'll only drive you mad.

HelloooCanYouHearMe · 28/05/2019 07:21

Yup he's an arse. But are you intending to argue with him about it? You're not together any more so I'm not sure what say you have.

NauseousMum · 28/05/2019 07:24

Yanbu he sounds like a twat. If his dad has an issue though he should say, he holds the cards with the house. Unless you think he's bullying his dad, in which case can you report your concerns to someone?

Original poster
Whatshouldmynamebe321 · 28/05/2019 07:25

Not at all I've shared it here to vent wouldn't dare raise it with him.
Theres plenty he does to anger or upset me but this is just something I can't get my head round.
You are both right he is an arse he is a twat. I accepted that many years ago.

I'm just left with my mouth hanging open he does that to his own dad. I know he ignores the poor man most the time....just abuses his generosity.

OP posts:
randomchap · 28/05/2019 07:34

He's a dick but don't give him the headspace.

herculepoirot2 · 28/05/2019 07:42

You’re well rid of him. His dad... well, he brought him up. Some of the responsibility is his.

Qweenbee · 28/05/2019 07:46

How old are the kids. Would they be brave enough to back up their gf when he hints and would there be repercussions if they do?
Standing up for others, and by default themselves, is a a good thing but obviously not if it would be detrimental to them.

herculepoirot2 · 28/05/2019 07:50

Standing up for others, and by default themselves, is a a good thing but obviously not if it would be detrimental to them.

Surely the whole point of standing up for others is that you do it anyway, because it’s right? But I wouldn’t be encouraging my children to get involved and get between two adults. That doesn’t end well.

Qweenbee · 28/05/2019 07:56

Yes, but they are kids. They are on a learning curve. Standing up for others might not be the best thing at the moment in these particular circumstances, or at their age. The op knows whether it would be detrimental or not.

herculepoirot2 · 28/05/2019 08:08

True. I just think it’s between her ex and his dad and SS if he’s that vulnerable. If my children were witnessing abuse they wouldn’t be going.

Isthisnecessary · 28/05/2019 08:36

At least the kids are seeing first hand what their dad is really like.

A few more month, maybe a couple of years and they'll want nothing to do with him.

TheRedBarrows · 28/05/2019 08:40

It’s good that your kids recognise his selfishness and know what kindness should look like.

Despite the genetic input of their self-absorbed knob of a Dad.

80sMum · 28/05/2019 08:42

If I were his dad I would establish a few house rules, one of which would be that I need to be able to park my car in my own driveway!

I wonder whether your ex was a pampered child and given everything he wanted, so that he now expects the world to revolve around him? His father is probably used to letting him have his own way and incapable of standing up to him.

Original poster
Whatshouldmynamebe321 · 28/05/2019 18:30

It would definitely be detrimental to my children to try and interfere in anyway.
His father is and always has been a victim of him...I used to soften the blow for him (equally being a victim).
I can only hope my children recognise these behaviours as they grow up and that I show them a healthy contrast on how one should behave and treat others. My eldest already has and I pray the others will follow suit.

OP posts:
Purpleartichoke · 28/05/2019 18:34

If you have an opportunity to tell the grandfather that you will facilitate a relationship with the grandkids on your time if necessary, he might be in a better position to stand up to his son. It’s delicate, obviously. So I would only do it if somehow a quiet moment with grandpa arises.

WillLokireturn · 28/05/2019 18:36

He's your ex for a reason. His dad (FIL) can set his own rules at his house. So unless he is intimidating his DF and abusive, there's not much you can do. It sounds like DC are learning kindness from you and that FIL needs to be more assertive about his own property and driveway.

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