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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder if I should try being nicer to my ex

3 replies

Lanurk · 27/05/2019 23:38

In a nutshell my ex made my life a misery for nearly 5 years. He abused me mentally and financially (leaving me with a debt mountain that I conquered after I left which took nearly three years) and he alienated me from my family and friends.

He had me blaming myself for my brother taking his own life and the only reason I left was he told me once too often to go kill myself. I went into the bathroom and genuinely considered taking his cocodamol. Thankfully I thought about my then 6 month old daughter and got angry at the torture he’d put her through growing up. So I left the next morning. I literally owned one pair of shoes and they had holes 🙈

Foolishly I was too scared to stop contact when I left and it continued on until my then 4 year old came home upset because he was taunting the latest girlfriend and telling her she was worthless and that the world would be better off if she wasn’t in it. She didn’t want to go back and I didn’t force the issue.

He got legal aid and took me to court. I work so I wasn’t entitled and he won access which in all honesty my now nearly 7 year old enjoys. She gets to go to soft play/ the funfair/ swimming/ to castles etc. I can’t afford trips like that so I try to be happy he’s doing it all with her despite the fact that he’s a lazy gobshite who’s on a myriad of benefits because he’s “disabled” (there’s nothing wrong with him that weaning himself off the codeine wouldn’t fix)

As time goes on I’m struggling more and more to keep a civil tongue and I’m fuming that I have to. He acts all pally pally towards me whenever he has an audience and it makes my skin crawl. Would it be unreasonable (out of earshot of dd) to tell him to fuck off because he’s an absolute cock womble?

OP posts:
Guavaf1sh · 28/05/2019 00:05

No. It would not be unreasonable at all

purpleboy · 28/05/2019 00:09

Not unreasonable, but probably foolish. It won't do you any good and will probably cause more problems in the long run.
Sorry he put you through all that. X

SpotlessMind · 28/05/2019 00:20

YANBU to want to but, honestly, I wouldn’t - from your description he seems like the sort who would take pleasure in the fact that his behaviour bothered you. I’d just keep your contact with him to the minimum required for your DD and make your interactions neutral and factual. Don’t let him take up a minute more of your headspace

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