How does this wedding sound?

[birthdaymayhem]

So me and DF(iancee) been together nearly 10 years. 2 DCs, own a house together.

A bit of background as I'm hoping it will help with people's judgement.

We originally planned to get married a few years ago but DC1 surprised us and we kept putting it off for various reasons, in between then and now DF and my DPs fell out and they are basically NC, they have said "hi" and "bye" at a couple of the DCs birthday parties but apart from that nothing there.
I can't see them making up or at least not any time soon but I don't want to put everything on hold anymore because of it.

We have been talking about marriage for a while but could never come up with a solution we were happy with re the logistics of the fallout and so on but we both know we do want to get married and don't want to elope.

Idea is to have a smaller wedding, between 30-40 people mainly just immediate family in my home country where we always wanted to get married. Then a larger celebration back in the UK with lots of food and drink and music for all our other friends and family probably about 80 people but more of a party than official wedding as such just for everyone to just have a good time.

The idea behind it:

• we get a small more intimate wedding where we always wanted
• a couple of elderly relatives close to my heart will be able to make it as they cannot fly here.
• It might be awkward with my DPs and DF not talking but hopefully not too bad as there still will be quite a few people there (that's why we're not thinking just parents/grandparents as I worry it will be quite obvious and awkward with everyone knowing the situation).
• we don't want it much bigger due to budget and also since our initial engagement lots of our friends have had DCs so lots of them probably wouldn't be able to make the trip
• all our other friends get to celebrate with us in a more relaxed party which will also be cheaper than a wedding reception for 80 people.

Does this sound good or awkward?

It sounds fine. Most people will be nowhere near as invested in it as you are, so don't overthink it. Those that love you will be happy you are happy!

Will everyone have to travel or do they already live there? That to me is the main factor, costs shouldn't be put onto the guests.

I personally wouldn't bother with the party days after. If they didn't warrant an invite to the actual wedding then it seems weird to want them to celebrate something they were excluded from.

If more guests are here, then have it here and include everyone.

I think that’s fine. So people get to celebrate your marriage somewhere local to them? Sounds considerate.

Are you parents and partner willing to be grown ups for the day? How will you manage speeches? You can ditch them altogether.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss half of the actual wedding guests would have to travel however it's DFs immediate family and a few very close friends who (from what we have gauged so far) will be happy to travel for the weekend to be there in the special day.
We have also considered the fact that the food/travel/accommodation is cheaper in my home country than in the Uk (think between £40-60 for a nice hotel room rather than £100 or more for equivalent here ) and also comparing standard wages etc it would cost my family much more to travel and stay here and most of them would not be able to afford it.

Also it's not that people don't warrant an invite to the actual wedding but I know a lot won't be able to make it, it's a big ask to travel abroad especially with small DCs and I think it would be simpler, easier and cheaper (both for us and party guests ) to do it this way.

Sounds fine to me. I've heard of similar arrangements before. Two parties make sense if you're having a small wedding in your home country. I understand that. There will be people you want to celebrate with but who you know it's too much to ask to shell out hundreds of pounds to travel. Makes perfect sense to me.

So me and DF(iancee) been together nearly 10 years. 2 DCs, own a house together.

Registry office. Party (2 parties if you want).

30-40 and 80 sounds like a big affair.

After 10 years and 2 children expecting people to engage in a wedding or even 2 is a bit OTT

(sorry of that sounds harsh)

@BlackcurrantJamontoast I know it sounds a bit big but honestly it's not OTT.
There is lots of people that would definitely come and would like to celebrate with us. It's also cheaper than a full blown wedding for 100+ people.

If we were doing the full big wedding thing which is quite customary in my country (and like we wanted to before DCs / and realising how all that money can really be spent better) the wedding guests numbers went up to about 130.

Sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought into it and all your friends and family will understand your decisions. Perfect!!

It sounds perfect. I don't have an issue with destination weddings anyway but that's not what this is as you are from 2 different countries so inevitably people will have to travel somewhere. Ignore the pp who thinks guests shouldn't have to travel. It's literally impossible unless they have one wedding for brides family and one for grooms which is ridiculous.