Visitors with no plans!

[MissUGirl]

An old friend got in touch because she was going to be visiting my (historic) city with her new partner, and wanted to meet up. We once knew each other very well but haven't met for 15+ years.

I wouldn't consider her a close friend any more, but as I suspect things are financially tight I invited them to stay at my home instead of a hotel, as I have ample room.

They have been here for three days and are driving me round the bend as they have absolutely no ideas about what they would like to do! They basically sit around chatting and drinking tea until I suggest something. I have had to take them out myself on a couple of occasions just to get them out the door!

Any suggestions for how to handle the remaining four days of their stay, as I'm at my wits' end! I've tried asking them "so what's your plan for tomorrow" etc, but they just say "oh, we like everything, we're not bothered"! I expected that as they were planning to come here prior to my invitation, they would have a list of things they wanted to see/do, etc.

They aren't unpleasant people by any means but I didn't expect to be a full time tour guide for a week!

I had this a number of years ago, a couple from America. I assumed by the nature of my invitation (they were coming anyway just looking for a place to crash) that they would have their own plans. Not a bit of it. A long weekend was actually two weeks, we had to take time off work to ferry them about, they ate and drank us out of house and home and didn’t contribute a penny.

Never having. House guests again!!!!

@Jaspermcsween Thank you; normally it doesn't put me out at all having people in my home, which is why I offered. I gave them their own key and a map of the city, showed them where everything was in the kitchen etc. and thought they'd get on with it and I'd see them briefly every day when they were on their way in and out!

@Dippypippy1980 Mine keep insisting on taking me out to dinner. One meal out in a week is a treat; three in a row and I'm starting to feel ill.

I'd rather they sat around in a cafe or someplace other than my sitting room though.
Then don’t invite them to stay at your house.

I know a little of their financial predicament as we are friends on Facebook and her business folded a little while ago.
Presumably, given they called to say they were taking a trip, they could afford to do it.

You are not responsible for them having a nice time, especially as the woman is not a close relative. They maybe just need a little push to get out and about,with some tour leaflets etc. It would be a shame if they left for home,without seeing any of your historic city..

communication! Did you say "I will be busy while you are here so let yourself in and out"

Mine keep insisting on taking me out to dinner. One meal out in a week is a treat; three in a row and I'm starting to feel ill.

You seem to have very little agency. You don't have to accept an invitation to eat out, and if you politely declined it would give you a couple of hours to yourself.

I remember going to stay with one cousin of mine, and I wanted to go and do things by myself, and she didnt like that! She wanted me to do everything with her. I think it is important to express what you want

Ha ha ha! Been there! Guests stuck to the sofa. Plenty of people are like this though, "being" in a place is enough for them, they don't have much drive to go out and see anything or explore.

Maybe if they're comfortable and relaxed in your house that is actually a positive?

They are also taking you out for dinner every night, which is excellent. Full marks for the guests - if it's too much for you, politely decline, but you can't fault them for offering.

Essentially, you don't know each other well, you've got mismatched ideas about what being a visitor/visiting a town means, communication doesn't sound great. But it doesn't sound like you've fallen out yet, that's the main thing.

I think you need to leave them to their own devices for the next couple of days, tell them how grateful you are for the meals out but how extremely busy you are going to be, need to do things in the evenings, can't go out, sorry you can't show them around (doesn't sound as though they're bothered), but plan together to take them somewhere you like on their last full day, and allow them to take you for dinner ro lunch or whatever if they offer, that seems to be their thing.

That way you end on a nice note for both of you. But in the meantime, enjoy their company as much as you can and when you can't, just detach and let them get on with it.

Why dont you just take it as a little holiday for yourself?.We would always expect to go out with our hosts ,and would take out people staying with us too.Its only a week and they will appreciate it .I dont think you have to feel responsible for their enjoyment though .No one likes everything ,and its a talking point when we get home ,if me and my friend liked one place but their husband didnt or vice versa .Quite interesting when seeing different aspects.

Are they expecting you to cook for them too?

Clearly I didn't outline the "terms" of my offer from the start. I guess that was a mistake.

I think your summary @elpapadelapepa has hit the nail on the head.

I haven't been doing any cooking—I do OMAD so they have been getting their own breakfast. I did make them lunch (sandwiches) on the first day they arrived.

@dottiedodah This might sound unkind but I don't really want to devote a week of my life to them. They are nice people but we don't have much in common any more. They are certainly very appreciative and keep telling me how grateful they are and what a wonderful hostess I am.