To be this unhappy?

[Jas0510]

We’ve been together 7 years, recent mortgage, pets, no kids. I’m 23 and he’s 26

I feel very unhappy now as I want to “live” (travel, earn more, experience new things). But it feels like he is happy in a routine and he wants me to play the role of “wife” and talk about kids and mingle with other couples. We argue like a married couple - I don’t want to be arguing with someone about dishes at 23 this is ridiculous. I do think we moved too fast, we’ve lived together since year 1, but it’s too late to change that so here we are. Also I didn’t want a mortgage, he did, I hate it and feel trapped in a location and job now. I know we can sell but makes it more complicated...

I thought I wanted marriage but now I don’t know. I don’t see how it would benefit me as a woman who earns more than him. I probably do want kids, but I don’t want to think about it now. It feels like pressure.

I can tolerate his family, but I don’t want to be there every week and spend a whole day there as I find it exhausting. His sisters are mean and I feel like I’m too young for this all. He has younger siblings and kids annoy me so I try not to go. I know I should go more but I’ve been stubborn. We’ve argued as I don’t visit them enough.

I don’t want to attend lots of social functions with his friends. I’m an introvert and it is EXHAUSTING. I’m not shy but it just feels like a performance the whole time. I’ve not met some of his friends. We’ve argued about this too.

He is thoughtful and kind and is a good partner. He listens to me and does make me happy, he’s patient and supportive. But every time I think about him now my heart drops. Sex too is kind of boring, he wants the same style it’s so predictable. Don’t get me wrong it feels great and he’s attentive, but there’s no experimenting, I suggest new things but he’s not keen.

I see people in relationships sending nice messages, romantic dates, cute presents. I feel like I don’t get this, and I easily could if I left this relationship and dated. But I know they are new relationships and we’ve been together this long it will obviously change...

Love takes work and I don’t want to give up if I’m being silly and “grass is greener”.

But I feel trapped.... AIBU? :(

Leave him OP.

It’s not the time, it’s the guy. I’ve been with my OH 6 years and I genuinely still feel the same as I did at the start. You say your heart drops when you think of him? He’s not the one.

Break up with him now. Start saving money. Sell the house. And when the house is sold, take a break from work and go travelling for 6 months. A year from now you’ll be wondering why you even considered not leaving.

I could easily be projecting here but...

I was with my EXH from 16. By 23 I was bored and frustrated. I’d just changed but unfortunately I was too daft to recognise it. I ended up having two babies in my early twenties instead to try and fix it and, whilst I love my children very very much, it was a massive mistake to stay in a relationship from being so very young. I reached 30 before I finally left and this has affected my life. Now I’m a single Mum, I haven’t travelled, haven’t enjoyed a free and single life, and I could kick myself.

It will be very very hard to leave and some people will not approve of your choice. But I would strongly recommend you do, because at 23 you have so much excitement and experience ahead of you. Don’t make the same mistake as me and settle for the familiar.

I'm 23 and my DP is 27 so I can relate to you. We've settled into a "grown up" relationship like you're describing and we are happy - but that doesn't mean you should. 23 is still young and if this isn't what you want anymore then you have every right to up and go and live your life. Sometimes a three year age gap feels like nothing, but other times it feels huge when you realise you're nearer 20 but your partner is nearer 30.

I went travelling around the world for 10 years after graduating uni. Best thing I ever did.

If you have that "itch" and don't pursue it then you'll forever regret it.

Honestly do yourself a favour and dump him tonight.
Actually do both of yourselves a favour.

You because you sound as if you have come to the end of your relationship: you want to be free to have more fun and variety than you have.

Him because you no longer want what he wants and how he wants it. He will very probably want marriage and children soon, neither of which are in your field of vision just yet or the foreseeable future. He will, no doubt, be shocked and unhappy but better now for both of you before depression and resentfulness sets in.

Work out how you are going to tell him: kindly, clearly and as soon as you have sorted out your finances. In the meantime take even more precautions against becoming pregnant which may well be a game changer. Perhaps move into the spare room as soon as you have told him?

Good luck OP. 🌹

I split with my first boyfriend at 23 after 7 years together. It was hard, but it was the best thing I ever did. We had grown apart and wanted different things from life. He wanted to settle down, have 2.4 children, spend weekends out with his mates. I wanted to pursue my career, travel, potentially move abroad.
Making the break was really hard and I constantly questioned myself, but I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do.
A couple of years later I met my now DH. Together we have lived in 4 different European cities. We both advanced our careers. We travelled and pursued our interests.
We have now settled and have three children together. We’re happy.