I don't know how to feel.

[Sheslikearainbow]

I have posted on bereavement but also here for traffic as I don't know how to feel.

I was very close to my nan, she was the one person I told everything to. She was always on my side.

I did everything I could for her, as much as I could do (still working and having 3 young children and one with countless health problems) my nan was my rock. Cutting a long story short, she passed away in summer last year. I was absolutely devastated. I lost the one person I told everything to. I don't have that now and as the time is going on, I'm bottling more stuff up. I can't talk to anyone about anything. I can't tell my mom, as she lives so far away from me and isn't around enough for me to "talk to her". I can't talk to my dad (it was his mom) as he's been dealing with my nans estate and been distracted by that and he's never been good at listening. I feel so lost and alone.

This weekend has made me feel worse (I'm not sure why?) But my beautiful nan left me some inheritance money, a decent amount really. It was paid into my bank account on Friday and I feel really sad about it. It's like I don't deserve it or something. But at the same time, I don't want to spend it because when it's gone, it's like that's the last of her gone. I miss her so much. I'd do anything to have one last conversation with her.

I don't know how to feel. I just feel like I'm the only one who's sad at receiving the money, whereas it seems like my dad and my aunty are rubbing their hands together.

AIBU to feel sad about the money? I feel like I'm being ungrateful.

How did any of you feel, if you received any inheritance? I just want to feel happy but I can't.

Sorry for long post.

Sorry for your loss

YANBU to feel sad about the money, it's a reminder of who (and what) you lost. Could you use the money for something special to commemorate your Nan?

Sorry I can't be of any help Xx

OP, I'm sorry about your nan. Have you ever considered bereavement counselling? It might be helpful for you to talk all of this through.
I agree with pp, you should use some of the money to buy something to commemorate your nan, maybe a piece of jewellery with her birthstone.
Big hugs

It's perfectly understandable to have complex feelings about inheritances; after all, if someone wasn't dead, you wouldn't have it. There's no way to feel good about this.

The fact that she was your talk-to person complicates it further, and the counselling suggested by Sinjun might be helpful. Possibly spend some of the money on this, if you can't access NHS readily?

Take your time over this, spend it when you feel more at ease, perhaps in some way that commemorates her relationship with you. If you feel other rels seem gleeful, ignore it, as I would any enquiries to how you intend to use the money.

I think I'm going to get a couple of charms for my bracelet and a bottle of perfume that she loved. I feel guilty spending it 😕.

I will look into counseling. Thank you for replying, I appreciate it.

Yanbu to feel how you feel, but yabu to judge your dad and aunty for how they feel. Everyone grieves and moves on and shows how they feel differently.
I also think maybe investing some of the money in some bereavement counselling might be a good idea. Your nan wouldnt, I’m sure, want you be be sad.

So sorry for your loss xx

How old was she when she passed? Did she have a good life?

Obviously grief is different for everyone but when my gran died 6 years ago she was 92 and had been suffering dementia, so whilst sad for me, I was happy that she had had a long and, up to when the dementia had become worse, a happy life. With the dementia it was also like her suffering had ended. Tbh having a little cry now but she wasn't taken too soon and her death was peaceful with us all around her holding her hands.

With your Gran's money, Perhaps think of something that when you would have told her about it it would have made her smile. And you still have her in your heart and memories, her sayings that stay with you and stories of her life xx

She was 82 (good age). She had a brilliant life, loved her grandchildren and her great grandchildren, she treated us as if we were her own. She was so lovely. I think that's why I'm having such a hard time dealing with her not being here.
Thank you for your lovely comment maddening. I never thought of it like that tbh. I'm going to have a good think what to do with it.

Thanks everyone.

Sorry for your loss I agree with you, buy some charms to remember her by but don't spend it all, she left it to you to enjoy, don't feel guilty, it's a lovely gesture on her part. Could you ring a bereavement councillor, some of them are free and just ask for a small donation, Google it, my mum had free counselling when my dad died, it helped her

I'm very sorry about your Nan

I lost my Mum nearly 2 years ago and felt very conflicted about receiving a considerable inheritance. I vividly remember the solicitor warbling on and on about how lucky I was and saying "I'd give it all back to have my Mum."

That said, your Nan obviously wanted to leave you some money, and expressly said so, so use it as you see fit. We used ours to move to a bigger house and a better area which I felt my Mum would have approved of. I felt less icky about spending it when it benefitted my kids if that makes any sense?

I buy flowers on the birthday of deceased loved ones. Specifically choosing ones that would have pleased them.

Thinking of them as “Grans flowers” really brings them to mind in a lovely way.

Loved ones are always with you in a little spot in your heart - when looking at an amazing view I feel my Dad is with me.

Try not to think what you have lost but take pleasure I how lucky you were to have had such a lovely person in your life.

My grandparents left me money. When my dad first told me, I wanted to tell him I didn't want it, it felt like benefiting from their death. But then I made myself think about it, and saw it as something lovely and generous they'd done for me, that they wanted to help me even after they'd gone.

I don't know if that helps. It helped me, that's all.

YANBU, it's natural to still be grieving the loss of someone so close to you. Do you have any of your nan's things to remind you of her? Those were more important to me than the inheritance (not much in my case, but I put it into the house because she would have liked that). I chuckle now when I see my nan's saw instead of crying (long story). You can also get something for your children to remember her by, my aunt got me a necklace and held onto a teddy for many years until DS was born.

People suggesting the anger at your dad and aunt is wrong are missing that this is a normal stage of grief. You have coped with the shock and any denial, now you're angry, that's ok and you could even see it as a positive that you've moved on a step. Next comes bargaining and depression. Then you'll start to test ways of getting by without her and finally accept your loss.

Like you I used to talk to my nan all the time about everything. I tried substituting with calls to other family members and friends, but it never made me miss her less. Only time brings you enough acceptance that she's gone to smile at the memories. Keep telling her stories too, your children will love to hear them. There isn't much comfort right now, but slowly look for the signs as you enjoy a nice memory of her and you'll find the happiness she gave you will come back into your life. Take good care of yourself x

I really thank you all for taking the time to reply. I did get some keepsakes, they mean more to me than any money and my children also got a couple of things. I suppose it will take time and I know I'll get there but at the moment, it just feels so raw still. I'm glad those of you that have lost someone, has managed to find comfort in the things you do. Thanks xx