To want a different engagement ring?

[aladyinlove]

hi
I know the title sounds really bratty, but hopefully with context someone can tell me if I genuinely am being a bit of a vain bitch.

So for the past couple months me and my boyfriend have been talking about getting engaged, we're both 100% on this and no ring could change that! since talking about it I started looking at a couple rings I liked and then he asked me to send him the pictures, so looked for a few more. I'm very into opals though I know they're very delicate so I also sent some moonstone, labradorite and alexandrite ones I liked (mostly from etsy) they were largely the same two designs either a middle gem stone with two or four very small diamonds either side or a middle gemstone with four very small diamonds surrounding it (think like a compass), they were all in a price range of £200-400. I explained that I really didn't want a massive or dark middle stone or one where the stone is surrounded by a halo of diamonds (no offence if you have this it's just not what I want to wear).
Fast forward to today he tells me he's looked for what I wanted but couldn't find it as he doesn't want to buy from online stores and what I like isn't often sold in jewellers, he's instead found something he likes which he thinks I would like, its a sapphire. If I'm honest I was already a little disappointed as I would have loved a stone that had interesting colours like the ones I showed him not just one, I'm not a total brat though so I didn't say that. However I was also a little upset that I had done quite a bit of research into what I wanted and that seemed to be being disregarded, I know this is unreasonable as the reasons he gave are very sensible and I completely understand them, but also I had kind of had my heart set on the styles and gemstones I had been looking at, again a bit silly and bratty.
I still told him how I felt though and explained that I knew it wasn't fair for me to feel like that, he explained again why he couldn't get what I wanted, he said he feels like he's let me down I said it's fine, I'll probably love the ring and even if I don't it doesn't mean I don't love him. He did say he would be sad if I didn't like it but he would rather I had something I wanted. He also revealed he had already bought it and that I could look at it while he was out tonight if I wanted (he can return it).
Of course I look, I'm a slave to curiosity, and I don't like it. Its a dark sapphire, I think due to the setting not much light get's in so it looks almost black and it's surrounded by a halo of diamonds, in the bag with the ring box was the receipt, it was £600! Its really not what I wanted and I'm a little sad that he didn't pay attention to what I didn't like, or maybe he misunderstood that I was talking in general about what I didn't want not just for specific gem stones, either way I'm not a fan.
I think I could learn to like it but I don't think I'll ever love it, and the price makes me uncomfortable. He's also insisted to pay for all of it, which is not what I expected as I thought that I could offer to pay for some of it after he had dropped the knee (he wanted it to be a surprise so wouldn't have known the cost till then).
What would you do and am I unreasonable to feel like this?

If he's not comfortable with ordering online (it's a lot of money on something unseen, really, so I understand, his reluctance) have a look for an independent jeweller. Often towns and cities have craft fairs and shops or markets given over to small makers, just like the ones on etsy.

Personally I like a diamond solitaire, my fiance wanted to buy me what i liked best, but we chose the engagement ring together. We found a design we liked and then he got jeweller to buy a diamond of size we wanted and went in three weeks later to collect. I would tell fiance you told him you did not like sapphires and ask if can return it and you go out together to choose one you both like.

YANBU, and I find it deeply weird that there’s a cultural expectation for men to read their partner’s mind and choose a deeply significant piece of jewellery on their behalf.

Be honest with your fiancé, and then go shopping together. The Lanes in Brighton has wonderful jewellery (especially for antiques), or perhaps try Hatton Garden in London or the Birmingham jewellery quarter. If any of the Etsy sellers that you like are in the UK, message them and ask if you can visit their workshop.

Please send it back, I also got my exh’s version of what I wanted. I hated it, and still do (never said anything about it though) I felt embarrassed everytime people commented on how... erm... it was. No enjoyment ever came from it, I’m sure the ring I wanted was considerably cheaper also. i’m Totally convinced he wouldn’t have minded too much, apart of having the ring resized which might have made it non refundable. Honestly send it back, mine got to be a symbol his lack of care about me and the disregard of my opinions.

he explained again why he couldn't get what I wanted

This really stands out to me. It's not 'explaining' when it's total bullshit, he could easily get what you wanted he just chose not to.

He got something 'he likes' - is it going on his finger? You're not property, you're not an appendage, you're not an extension of him. He is not respecting you as a human, a person, an individual.

I just don't get a good feeling.

Thank you so much for all the replies! I am taking what everyone said to heart sorry for those who want pics I don't want to show it in case it's outing.
I would also like to defend the BF slightly in that yes this was a bit of a silly mistake but he has got the general themes of what like correct, it's slightly individual and the halo has a suggestion of petals which I do enjoy, honestly it's a beautiful ring and I can definitely see why he got it and I wasn't completely ignored for my tastes just two specific features. He often does grand romantic gestures (don't worry not public ones) which every other time have worked out brilliantly, and he kept the receipt and didn't get it sized specifically so I could see it and tell him if I did or didn't like it.
To the poster that was concerned I'm not scared of my bf, I'm scared of mumsnet ripping me to shreds! We're honest about how we feel and I think it makes sense that he would be upset even if it's not fair, just like I'm upset even though it's not really fair for me to expect him to pick out the perfect ring when I'm not there.
The more and more I look at the ring the more I like it ... Maybe that's just sentimental for the fact that he got it for me, it is a very pretty ring and the main reason I didn't want the halo is because it reminded me of my grandmothers rings, but this ring really doesn't do that. I think instant reaction was that it wasn't what I asked for, but I can see the nuances from the other rings that he's picked in this one (the centre stone has two diamonds beside it that sit above the halo, the floralishness of it which I'm shocked he picked up on, the shape and size of the centre stone, ect.) it wasn't such a bad choice but I will definitely still talk to him about the cost.
I think we both wanted that big romantic moment but now realising that I can't expect him to remember everything I said, and yeah it is really hard to find what I want outside of etsy. I can understand why he doesn't want to buy online because its so much harder to be certain it's legitimate.

An engagement is something you are going to wear for the rest of your married life so pretty awful if you didn't like it.
My husband is not particularly romantic and so was happy for me to choose the ring I really wanted and then pay for it.
I was very particular but like you very modest in terms of cost and we didn't have loads of money anyway. I ended up with a modest antique ring and as my wedding ring is my late father's my 'unromantic' hubby surprised me on my wedding day with a lovely eternity ring which goes with my engagement ring perfectly. That said if I'd hated it I'd have told him (though I'd have waited until after the wedding of course).
If you explain calmly and in a nice way that you can't see yourself wearing the saphire for the rest of your life then I don't see how he can object. Maybe you could find out where they sell the ones you like so you take the onus off him. Once you've done that you can go together to get it.

he said he feels like he's let me down
Yeah, Because he has... 🤨

You literally did all the hard yards, all he had to do was getting something anything like the multiple rings you showed him.

He couldn’t be bothered and went to one jeweller maybe two, they didn’t have the type you liked and so he threw cash at the problem.

I can understand how this happened and also the general panic/strain of proposing but I’d still be wildly unimpressed with this.

Tell him you don’t like it, tell him it’s not what you asked for, show him the pictures and tell him to try again.

You're not being a brat, so stop apologising.
I'd be honest and choose one you like yourself.

Please don't talk yourself into liking it and accepting HIS choice if you really wanted the other style. Unfortunately he made the fuckup and he needs to swallow his ego and take note of what you plainly told him and yes you did tell him very specifically which he chose to ignore

You sound lovely, very reasonable and not at all grabby. He sounds nice too and I am sure he will understand that it’s not what want to wear for the rest of your life.

Tell him that it’s beautiful but not what you have been dreaming of. Ask him can he return it and then the two of you have a special day out looking for something absolutely perfect together.

I agree that if you can get to Brighton you will be sure to find something wonderful in the Lanes which has jewellers to meet every budget (or even the Laines area which specialises in quirky, off the wall stuff).

If he doesn’t want to buy online what about finding a reputable local jeweller to make what you want? You can go through the process together so it’s something created by the two of you?
My husband proposed with a cz ring so I could choose my own. I couldn’t find anything I really liked so had it made instead.