to want my dm to back off

[madpulse29]

My dd loves her grandma and most of the time things are great. But there is constant interference from dm when it comes to discipline or any form of upset from dd.

My parent live 5 minutes away so constantly popping in,this evening dd was not behaving at bedtime.Shes 6 and pushing boundaries,I’ve been firm with her and told her this is bedtime,etc.As soon as dm heard this she came marching up to dds bedroom,I could hear her outside the door saying that I was being horrible to dd and to stop being mean to her.

Clearly dd heard this too,I got very annoyed at dm and told her to let me sort the situation out.Dm stood there telling me that she should take over because I’d obviously ‘flipped’ and was being mean.

This isn’t the first time this has happened,she tries to step in and prevent any form of me making boundaries and has in the past said that I’m a horrible person in front of my dd.This has been over not giving her sweets or letting her paint (in her school uniform) before school.Each time I sit down and explain why I get so annoyed at dm saying these things in front of dd....it hasn’t changed though.

After each episode dm apologies profusely and says she will never do it again.Then it happens again.I don’t know what to do,she doesn’t listen and I worry this will upset dd long term because it’s confusing for her.

She lives so close that it’s impossible to limit contact with her,I don’t know what to do.

I do childcare. I don't have housekeys.

And I'd have my arse handed to me on a plate if I interfered the way your mother has.

Take the key back. Don't see so much of them and find alternative childcare for at least some of the days.

If she interferes at your house again, tell her to go home. If it happens at hers, leave.

What's more important saving money or your relationship with your daughter? For heavens sakes you are very tardy addressing this horrible,habitual behavior if your mother. I'd be giving her an ultimatum- undermine me one more time and I'll sever contact

I’ve just phoned her and told her how damaging this behaviour is.Ive explained again why and that it can’t go on.She was crying on the phone saying she knew she was wrong and feels bad about it.

I’ve been here before though,each time believing this crap.Ive told her that I want the house key back,I have also told her that if it happens again I will sever contact with her.

Her response is always ‘I will never do it again’. It’s like Groundhog Day.

So when she does it could you maybe turn your firmness on her "Mother, you said you weren't going to do this again."?

OP your mother is definitely not sorry you're being blatantly played here. Everytime you say something she turns on the tears. Instead of telling her start taking action as that speaks louder than words! If she ever does this again don't engage just kick her out the house a firm "you can't respect me in my house you aren't welcome here go home" and for starters take the key off her and start limiting the contact between DD and DM. And you should start looking into alternative childcare that way you aren't beholden to your mum because I'm guessing she feels she has the right to interfere because she looks after DD take that away and she has no ammunition to try and manipulate you.

I too had my mother and one of my siblings behave horribly to me. Long story short they seemed to be labouring under the impression they could interfere in my life from opinions to snide remarks, belittingling me and making me feel I was overreacting when it got too much for me and I lashed out. Basically witches round a cauldron. When I finally snapped my god they got a shock. I took my spare key back after my mum let herself into my flat without asking me to borrow something and then had the cheek to say I should've tidied round 🙄 I was at work pulling double shifts all week. I gave it to my friend and that caused drama as I was being petty apparently. In the end I made it clear they either mind their own business or sod off they called my bluff so they ended up with months of silent treatment which worked wonders cos they cnt handle being ignored now we get on great cos I put strong boundaries down and I had a very blunt conversation with my mother and told her some home truths about herself she now keeps her opinions to herself and knows better than to test my patience 🤣 hope u sort this out

Pay for childcare (from someone else) and reduce contact with your mother, telling her why. Your daughter's behaviour will start to suffer if you don't.