To ask if anyone sleep trained and it didn't work?

[Dontforgettoscreamatthebear]

14 month old, can self settle for naps and bedtime but will only resettle at night with a feed and wakes every two hours. Tried cosleeping.

Has anyone fully committed to sleep training and it's NOT worked? I'd really wanted to avoid it but am prepared to do it if I think it will definitely benefit DS' sleep. I'd prefer to use as gentle a method as possible

Hi OP

Not what you asked - but I sleep trained and it did work. Both my kids.

You'll get quite a few responses saying it didn't work but I'm not sure how it will help, if you get 50 responses saying it didn't but it worked for the 5000 who dont reply then it has a 99pc chance of working. If that makes sense.

We did the disappearing chair method which involved crying but the baby wasn't left alone so was more angry crying than desperate if that makes sense. It took 10 nights of slowly moving the chair out the room. But that was more for initial bedtime settling than night wakes

The gentler the method, the longer it takes though

Good luck! I think if yours can self settle at bedtime and naps it will just be a habit thing rather than any serious issue and should be a relatively easy fix...have you tried someone else going in to settle for night wakes? Once they realise milk isn't available they might not wake,

It’ll only work if the reason for your child waking is that they need you to resettle and nothing else is wrong.

Even Ferber - father of CC - would tell you that. His books says (sensibly IMO) to rule out other causes eg reflux etc first.

Mine has reflux plus food intolerances, then teething etc hit such that they didn’t sleep through consistently until 3..... but they still wake even now for bad dreams or illness etc.

Google the effects of sleep training before you decide to go ahead and do it in full knowledge.

It will work for some, it won’t for others. Depends how quickly your baby gives up hoping you’ll be there for them and stops reaching out to you for comfort at night.

I have friends who it worked for but only for a few months. Others who swear by it.

A gentler option is tizzie halls save our sleep or similar.

Thank you

You're right actually, I'm not sure why I phrased it that way. I just feel unsure I guess but know that I have to be completely committed to be fair and consistent

Something is wrong at the moment, maybe a bug or teething and he's wanting to feed all the time, clearly it's the wrong time to sleep train but I guess I worry that I won't know if something is up when I train and don't help him when he needs me, or what do I do if he's unwell and then do we need to start again?

@Iggly do you think your's had reflux later on too? I think that's my main concern, that something is wrong in the night

Google all the methods, both conventional and gentle and join some online groups....see which sit best with you?

I agree with meringue. If you're only allowed to answer if it didn't work, that won't give you any clue of what percentage it works for.

So... worked marvellously for me.

I didn't actually realise it was a thing until after I'd joined mumsnet once my kids were older.
I'd get to 7pm after a full on day spent with my kids, be knackered, and just crave 10 minutes peace and quiet with a cuppa. I'd do the routine, lay them in their cot, they'd start to cry, I'd close the door; and leave to the top of the garden where I couldn't hear them. Come back after ten minutes. All was quiet, they were (both separately) fast asleep. By day 3, I didn't need to go to the top of the garden.

They've slept through ever since.

So, absolutely maximum amount of crying was ten minutes x 2 = 20 minutes. I'll wager that babies who are never left to cry, except from the 30 seconds it takes to get to them, but wake continually in the night, cumulatively cry for much longer.

The first two sleep trained successfully.
The third nothing worked. I didn’t do anything different he just wasn’t ready.
He was two and a half when he finally started sleeping.

I tried the No Cry method and it failed miserably. Controlled crying per Dr Ferber worked. I'd really recommend reading his book before doing CC though as CC might not be the answer to your problems.

We did.

It was hell.

I did a gentler version. The Tracey Hogg pick up put down sleep training method. DS was about 5 months?

We'd been co-sleeping and I'd been feeding him to sleep. I, unfortunately, listened to people telling me it wasnt right and tried the method. Never again will I listen to someone else telling me what is right for my son.

It was horrendous. I fully committed to it though. I didnt give in. 5 whole weeks. It was just awful though. DS ended up more tired, he was tearful and upset. I was exhausted and tearful. So OH would come home to house of tears everyday. It just didn't work with DS.

I stopped it. I fed him to sleep and let him sleep for as long or as little as he wanted. It made for a much happier household.

You can, of course, try whatever method you like but go with what suits your family needs. I personally love Sarah Ockwell Smith's approach. Her book on Gentle Sleep talks about an interesting study I evolving stress levels and the cry it out sleep training method. That was enough to convince me it would never be right for us as a family.

Sleep training doesn't have to be harsh 'cry it out'. Chireal Shallow's The Gentle Sleep Solution is both gentle (so takes a while) and effective. Cry it out will always work eventually because even determined children give up in the end. But why you'd leave your child crying for hours on end for weeks on end is more than I can imagine.

My mum had 3 of us and its didn't work on any of us. We started sleeping through at about 4 😂 not really want you wanna hear is it? I've done nothing and my DS has good months and bad hes 20 months now. So much is going on in their little bodies it's hard to decide when to sleep train.

@PlinkPlink I actually still feel angry with Tracey Hogg for promoting such nonsense that caused me and DH such stress

@Marmablade
Cry it out doesn't automatically mean crying for hours. I, unintentionally, did cio with my two. I didn't know it was called that, and was just taking a few minutes break to myself before I went back in to soothe. Baby was asleep before I got back in. By day 3, no crying whatsoever.

It worked brilliantly for us twice. I tried a supposedly gentler method on ds1 and the poor thing was so confused why he could see me but I wouldn’t cuddle him that he became very upset. We switched to cc and he slept through on the second night, aged 10 months, for the first time ever and continued to sleep through. Ds2 we went straight to cc at 6 months- he cried for about 35 mins the first night (which was horrific) and 10 minutes the second night and then slept through.
I agree with a op - the total amount of time spent crying was so much less with cc. They were also both much happier during the day once they were sleeping properly at night.
Ds3 was a very unsettled baby generally. We moved him in his own room at 12 months and tried cc for 4 nights. It was such a disaster that he ended up cosleeping with me until he was almost 2 and dh almost moved out completely . There will not be a dc4 but I would definitely do it again if there was. With the benefit of hindsight dc3 was poorly so it wasn’t appropriate for him.

@arethereanyleftatall I know that but people who try it and say it 'didn't work' haven't done it to extinction (and I don't think they should but the method is that)

Cry it out Ferber method and cry it out Gina Ford are 2 sides of the same coin but ultimately the child is left to cry for periods of time. No other method I know advocates leaving the room whilst I child is still crying.

We tried controlled crying once and my baby got so worked up that she was sick. I think i read somewhere that being sick can be normal with cc but i couldn't stand to see her so distressed so scrapped the idea and decided to go with the flow and that she would sleep through when ready. I found that during teething etc she does wake up regularly for feeds at night but she's almost 1 now and is mainly sleeping from 7.30pm until 6.30am without any feeds. We did have a terrible period where she would bawl her head off at bed time and wake up for 2 feeds at night though at about 6 to 9 months which is when we tried cc.

You're probably doing all these things already but they worked for us eventually...giving a dreamfeed around 11pm, providing a dummy and comforter in the cot (if u agree with using those things), as little interaction as poss with baby during night feeds and keeping the lights off so they know its night time still, if your baby isnt bawling her head off at night then giving it 5 minutes or so before going in, making sure baby is getting enough food and drink during the day.

I also found sometimes when i thought my baby was waking for food she actually just wanted a cuddle...i also went against my no interaction rule a couple of times and gave her a cuddle during a night waking to stop her crying then put her back down with her disco lights on and left the room. This seemed to distract her and id find she would fall asleep again within 10 minutes or so without a feed....

I have also heard giving baby water at night instead of milk also works for some babies although not for mine!

Basically tho i guess all babies are different and you just need to do what works for their individual needs! I actually jave no idea whether the things i did worked or if it was just a vase of waiting for her to be ready to sleep through.