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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want my 14/15 year old hanging round town after dark?

27 replies

Whatthehell2019 · 26/05/2019 21:07

She did exactly this last night, after promising she was at a sleepover. Actually found out she was still hanging round town at 11pm (find my iPhone worked!!)

My rules are that she doesn't hang round the streets/town after dusk.

Apparently I am the worst mum in the world, controlling and treat her like she's 12.

She is now grounded for lying. None of her other friends are though and are back out tonight.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Manclife1 · 26/05/2019 21:08

YANBU, she lied and town centres are no place to be at 15

Rugbylife · 26/05/2019 21:14

YANBU my ds is 16 about to leave Y11 and he is not allowed to hang around town. He can go out if doing something like cinema, pool or Nando’s but he has a 10pm curfew. I would let him stay out if he had a party or something but I would be picking him up. My rules I am the parent.

Yeahnahmum · 26/05/2019 21:14

She is 15. Not 5..
But i agree with you grounding her for lying

19lottie82 · 26/05/2019 21:25

She’s 15. Not 5

Yes. She’s fifteen.

Hanging about a city centre at 11 pm on a Saturday night?

I really hope you don’t have any kids.

Original poster
Whatthehell2019 · 26/05/2019 21:29

@Yeahnahmum so you wouldn't mind her hanging round at night time in town?

OP posts:
BenWillbondsPants · 26/05/2019 21:29

YANBU at all. She's fifteen and I agree it's no place for her. I don't let my fifteen year old hang about after dark either.

Original poster
Whatthehell2019 · 26/05/2019 21:30

I can't grasp how her friend's parents are ok with this!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 26/05/2019 22:56

NOTHING good will come from a 15 year old running the streets at night. Tell her VERY clearly that you don't give a shit what her friends are allowed to do. They are not your concern or responsibility.

SnowsInWater · 27/05/2019 01:15

Of course YANBU, either for not wanting her hanging around after dark or grounding her for lying.

My 16yo DD wouldn't be allowed to do this either, though in the parallel universe that is MN lots of people would say that she should be allowed to do anything she likes at that age (she's not a toddler, blah blah blah). I am regularly grateful that I live in a country where setting boundaries for your teenagers is seen as normal.

PookieDo · 27/05/2019 01:22

My DC are 14 and 16 and not allowed to hang out in town when it is dark

They can go out but it has to be to a venue. Like the cinema or out for food. Which they both do and then I pick them up after

There was a terrible accident some years ago in the park of a child who went to their school and I think this has made them think twice about going there when it is dark

PookieDo · 27/05/2019 01:23

There are a lot of drunk people in a town at night it’s not the place for a child
I also got in with a bad crowd when I was 15 and this was due to... hanging out in town

managedmis · 27/05/2019 01:33

YANBU.

HermioneMakepeace · 27/05/2019 01:37

YA so NBU! Towns are dangerous places after dark. Stand your ground mamma!

Justbreathing · 27/05/2019 01:40

Totally fine argument,
Totally usual for her to ignore it and hang around town!
Thank god I didn’t have a phone at that age tracking me. The stuff I did!!!!

DockerDre · 27/05/2019 01:46

YANBU to worry like a crazy woman.

She is NBU for doing it though.

And ne'er the twain shall meet!

I wouldn't ground her. I try to talk to her. There are dangers that you don't see at that age. I think you need to talk rather than try to discipline.

DockerDre · 27/05/2019 01:48

Apart from the lying about where she was, you need to cement in your head why you care that she was out. Then you can talk to her saying these are the reasons I don't want you doing this.

I FUCKING DREAD THIS DAY. Parent of a teenager too. I'm totally with you.

DockerDre · 27/05/2019 01:53

The one thing I've always hoped for my dc is that they have friends with them. Then they're in less danger (assuming they're not the sort to get into drugs or robbery or something). It really depends on whether they were just going around getting an icecream and chatting and hanging out, or whether they were patrolling the streets, getting drunk etc.

HennyPennyHorror · 27/05/2019 02:01

Yanbu! I have an almost 15 year old....she's allowed into the city with her friends but has to be home before dark. No exceptions. If they want to go skating or bowling or something in the evening, then one of the parents collects them at the venue afterwards.

DockerDre · 27/05/2019 02:01

My two fears would be pregnancy/rape and drugs - alcohol too.

I couldn't care less to be honest if police drove her home for being loud or something. I would hope that might settle her (she has never been out alone yet really in the evenings).

I think she's a good kid overall, so I'm not TOO worried. I realise though that there is a chasm between me and her right now. I see her as my child, she sees herself as her own person. It's fucking hard to get it near to right.

I'd tend not to go down too hard, as it will alienate them. I genuinely would try to talk. That's just my take as a Mum also.

DockerDre · 27/05/2019 02:03

And I'm feeling my way through the teenage years, just as I did through her toddler years. You can't do right for doing wrong.

Justbreathing · 27/05/2019 02:04

It’s basically luck if anything good or bad happens to her.
And part of life,
I had some sketchy situations st that age. But I was headstrong and I lied. So it wasn’t anyone else’s responsibility other than mine

DockerDre · 27/05/2019 02:08

So far, we've had two massive rows. Where I behaved worse than she did in fairness. It's so hard, because they're no longer children and are becoming their own person. It's not bloody easy!

Original poster
Whatthehell2019 · 27/05/2019 11:39

Thank you everyone so far. I am feeling much stronger at sticking to my rules

OP posts:
stepup123 · 27/05/2019 11:54

I think you've done the right thing- as a pp stated. No good will come out of hanging around town when it's dark. Has she said why she wants to do that?

Conks · 27/05/2019 11:54

What do you do in winter when it gets dark at 5pm? Is she not allowed out?