To ask help planning a 4yo party

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Was thinking about it last night while my 1yo DS was wide awake and I’m already getting such anxiety over planning my DDs birthday party. Which isn’t until September I might add. It will be the first party we’ve done for her and I haven’t a clue where to start.

I suffer social anxiety and battle depression and would never plan a party for myself. I’m already imagining catastrophic scenarios where no one turns up or I over hear other parents slagging off the party. The rational part of my brain tells me to shut up of course, and it’s something I have to do. I can’t make her suffer for my short comings.

So even if IABU to ask. Can you help me with ideas of a cheap party that will still be fun and what the etiquette is for invites and feeding children and or parents and how I can make it less stressful for myself? I’m clueless panicking.

where are you based OP? we might be able to recommend local activities x

Hi OP,

We recently did a party for my 4yo, so may have some useful experience. We've also been to a few now.

Things to consider:

Who do you want to invite - Children your DD knows independently? Family? Nursery friends? Siblings? Make a list and prioritise.

That will help you think about budget and location.

Venue - Parties we have attended have been:

Local petting farm (includes tour, party tea)
At home - 3-4 relaxed party games like pass the parcel and musical statues plus tea
Village hall - we hired a children's entertainer, or just inflatables (loads of companies hiring packages for about £100-150 our way) plus party tea
Soft play - some have been exclusive hire, some not (but with a table reserved for food)
Pizza making
Leisure centre with games or trampolines

The advantage of places like soft play is they take care of all the catering and cleaning up, but you obviously cost a bit more. Community hall hire etc is usually a cheaper option.

We had nearly everyone attend our party, I think in part because it's a great way to entertain a preschooler for a couple of hours. We sent our invites about 5 - 6 weeks in advance and gave a date to RSVP by.

All the parties we've been to have been two hours long.

Party food - sandwiches, crudités, crops, fruit kebabs, biscuits, pizzas, squash and water in jugs.

Generally adults attend too.

I would say don't worry about trying to cram too much into the time. And they don't seem to eat much food as they're too excited!

Those are my immediate thoughts. Hope that's helpful.

Ha, crisps not crops!!! Not sure 4 year olds want crops

Oh yes, we didn't feed adults but we did provide soft drinks and hot drinks no booze - but if it's a late afternoon party some I've been to have had beer and wine out but the vast majority haven't. I wouldn't expect food as an adult.

Go to a local soft play place where they do all the food etc for you. You just turn up and take a cake.

Let her pick 4 friends
No parents (makes it all a LOT less stressful)
Have a game or two planned but don't stick to any schedule
Lots of balloons, cake etc
Let the kids play in her room

That is all you have to do. No serious planning needed

as for invites, you can print out these and write on them,before getting your child to hand them out at the end of the day (or asking the teacher to put one in the kids bags). for food, i would get several large plates and fill one with cheese sandwiches, one with ham and one or two with crisps. then birthday cake for pudding. I haven't fed the parents before unless there have been leftovers in which case i offer them the leftovers. depending on when it is in September, you can give the invites out as soon as they start back at school (if its the end of september)- or before the summer holidays.

I would look at hiring a village hall or church hall. they are usually really reasonable for an hour or two. you can play party games (eg: pass the parcel, musical statues, pin the tail on the donkey, keep the balloon in the air) and have prizes for the winner of each game (a medal like this). all you will need is a CD player/speaker. if you like, you could also buy cupcakes and some icing sugar, mix the sugar with water to make icing, and let the children decorate their own cupcakes.

all the best x

Our DS is 4 in August. We're planning to invite his friends from nursery and some friends' children to come and play some games in the garden, some party food (for parents as well), maybe hire some petting animals. No more than 8 kids in total.

Laid back and easy!

If she is only going to be 4 then it won't be school yet.
So invite 4-6 friends.
90 minutes max.

Free play
Simple craft thing, eg buy some bags & they decorate - use them as party bags.
Series of games musical this and that, pin tail on dragon. Make sure everyone wins something.
Pass the parcel - something in every layer for everyone then random who gets main prize.
Picnic tea on floor of living room, or in garden
A bit more free play
Party bags
Collapse.

Parents can stay and make themselves coffee in the kitchen and help with over excited darlings in tears.

Really depends on your budget. If its first year of school then I'd go for a class party as great way to get to know other people. Our local church hall does hire with bouncy castle, scooters, mini football for £70. Then food wise I'd just do mini sausages and chicken bites pre cooked, crisps etc

DS had his 4th birthday yesterday.

He goes to nursery but it’s in a different village so none of them will be going to his school, so we stuck with local friends and family friends. Just 6 kids ages 5-2.5 yo, and any younger siblings, at our house.

10am-12. Bit of an awkward time for food, but a good time considering all the younger siblings nap so this fit in with that.

Activities:
We did pass the parcel and musical bumps. I was going to do a pin the head on the Lego man, too, but didn’t get round to it.
I bought some crowns and shape stickers from Baker Ross and anyone who wanted to do so made one. Was a hit!
Set up all the garden toys - sand pit, water table, bikes, balls, wagon etc
Music on in the background

Food:
Jam sandwiches
Cheese sandwiches
Babybels
Crudités and hummus
Berry kebabs
Crisps
Biscuits

Decor:
Stuff we use every year - streamers, ice cream waffle garlands, happy birthday banner, balloons
Eco confetti from Etsy
Tableware from sains

Party bags:
Pencil
2x dinosaurs, just found a tube of 12 in sainsburys when perusing the party bag section so that was a bonus
Temporary tattoos
Bag haribo
Cake

That’s it really!
Pretty simple!
Was really good!

Next year he’ll be in reception so holding out doing a big party for then!

Oh by the way I did think 2 hours felt quite long actually so as PP says, 90 mins might be ideal! We had a couple of people who came quite far though so longer felt better in that respect.

Musical bumps far better for preschoolers than musical statues as sometimes they can’t help but move involuntarily! Far easier and less frustrating to just sit down - the 2 year olds could barely manage that 😄

I found that the last 30 mins of 2hr parties tended to descend into tears and chaos quite often, which is why I would say shorter is better especially at 4.

Oh wow, thank you all so much for your detailed replies! This is so helpful! She is end of September so won’t be starting school until 2020 so I think I will stick with a small number of friends.

I feel so stupid getting panicked over it when a) it’s so far away and b) it’s a kids party. I just put so much pressure on myself to be an amazing mum so she won’t hate me
When she’s an adult. (Weird and worrying I don’t feel like that about my son). In reality I think PND and anxiety has seen me fall far, far short of perfect. I know I’m building this party up in my head to be some pivotal moment when of course it won’t be. I doubt she’ll even remember. The constant worry is bloody exhausting sometimes.

But enough lamenting. Everyone, you’ve been so brilliant and helpful, Thank you!

if its a small number of kids i would do party games at home, then tea in the garden if its nice, or inside if not. sandwiches/crisps will be easy, and cake. all the best x

For DD we went with a leisure centre party, £117 got us a room with tables and chairs set up, a big bouncy castle with slide and soft play/giant games.

We went to Lidl and bought some cartons of juice, 4 cheese and tomato pizza, cherry tomatoes, satsumas, carrot sticks, blueberries, melon chunks, party rings/ jam n creams biscuits and a couple of their cupcake platters for about £20

Cooked up the pizzas in the morning, sliced and plated. Everything else was straight from packet to plate/bowl.

We invited about 30 of the nursery kids, around 15 showed up, hardly anyone RSVPd so it was very much a play it by ear day.

The kids spent 2 hrs running and bouncing like crazy things, stopping to snack every now and then. No entertainment needed.

We got some fabric bags that they could colour in for £1 each for the works and put a slice of birthday cake in those as party bags so again no prep needed

4-6 friends at home. Decorate cupcakes or gingerbread men (you can buy them, as well as all the icing and bits). Pass the parcel. Musical bumps. Dead lions. Beanbag on the head race. Tea. Done. It doesn't need to last for more than 90 minutes and they will have at least as much fun as at one of those awful play centres.