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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want outdoor sex?

19 replies

LeilaDarling · 26/05/2019 17:34

Married. Been together 7 years. In the early days we occasionally had outdoor sex, in a car, field etc. Handful of times.
We now have 2 kids, very little sleep etc...
We rarely have a night out together BUT when we do he always wants to stop off for it; we were having a lovely evening out last night, cinema, meal etc when I gathered he wanted to stop off somewhere.
I said no, I don’t want to, gave all my reasons - just wanted to get home as I had to work today, was tired, why spoil a nice evening, don’t want to get caught/stopped by police, it’s illegal etc.....
He said I’m boring, got moody and passive aggressive and has barely spoke to me since.
I’ve gone along with it before to keep the peace but I’m not prepared to do it anymore.
AIBU or is he???

OP posts:
SummersB · 26/05/2019 17:36

He’s a dick for trying to push you into having sex when you don’t want to and then sulk about it when you say no. The outdoor think doesn’t even come into it! What a twat!

dudsville · 26/05/2019 17:37

It's something he's still into and you're not? Id so then a talk needs to be had.

Your thread did give me a wry smile though. I don't know what ever made me want to do that when I was young but nothing could interest me less nowadays!

mumsie8 · 26/05/2019 17:37

He is. Sex (and where you choose to do it) is supposed to be something you both want to do. Not something done to keep one person happy at the expense of the other.

WhiteRedRose · 26/05/2019 17:38

He is bu. But it's not illegal by the way. Unless someone is offended by it or you do it with the intent of causing offence/being seen. It's mostly my friend's who are police officers that enjoy it the most 😂 but that probably says more about my choice in acquaintences 😁

CloserIAm2Fine · 26/05/2019 17:40

He isn’t BU to want it but HIBVU to put pressure on you and guilt trip you into it

Of course YANBU. It’s always ok to not want any or all kinds of sex for any reason at all

Laiste · 26/05/2019 17:41

He is BU for getting moody about it - however i agree you need to tell him straight it's off the menu for good now. This bad feeling is down to miscommunication i believe.

BlackPrism · 26/05/2019 17:41

Gross. Can't say I've had sex outside since I was 16.

Alsohuman · 26/05/2019 17:44

There’s nothing wrong with a spot of al fresco sex to spice things up a bit as long as both of you are up for it. But you’re not and have every right to say so.

Mummyoftwo91 · 26/05/2019 17:48

Can you not comprise and do it in the garden, less risky for you but still outside?

MrsElizabethShelby · 26/05/2019 17:49

Op can we swap DH's?

ApplesOrangesPears · 26/05/2019 17:49

YANBU. If you don’t want sex - outdoors or not - that should be respected. And sulking when you don’t get what you want sexually is massively, massively unattractive. What a twat.

Alsohuman · 26/05/2019 17:50

Do it in the garden with all the neighbours’ ears flapping. Great idea.

VladmirsPoutine · 26/05/2019 17:56

You should never be bullied into sex. Christ on a speed boat! I'd seriously be reconsidering the whole marriage if he were my husband.

ChrisPrattsFace · 26/05/2019 18:03

You should have to ‘give reasons’ ... no is no.
But you do need to talk about what you want and what he does.
My DH was at work the other day and caught two people having sex in their car... I’d be afraid of getting caught too Blush

ChristmasFluff · 26/05/2019 18:15

Hmmmm.

He definitely has no right to demand sex under any circumstances.

And tastes change. You once found it ok, and now don't. Which needs an honest conversation about desires, and what sex means now you have kids etc

But what is going on in your sex life compared to previously? if you don't have sex, you can so easily get out of the habit of having sex - and he may see that the way to change that is to go to that 'handful of times'. And I can see the attraction of having sex where the kids aren't. I can see the attraction of having sex on the fly. But you don't, and that is the important thing.

He either knows you don't like it or he doesn't. If he knows and is pressuring you - nasty. If he doesn't know (and although it's wrong, he may be assuming consent from previous consent) then you need to tell him. Then you both need to work out what this means for your marriage.

But it's about more than the 'outside' thing

ThenOutCameTheSunshine · 26/05/2019 18:20

Are you both ever home alone with the kids in the house? What I'm getting at is perhaps having a date night and it just being the two of you felt nice and he wanted to keep it going and also have sex away from home. What I mean is, maybe it's not the fact that it's outdoors?

Nevertheless the passive aggressiveness is shit and he is BU.

ControversialFerret · 26/05/2019 18:21

YANBU. Back in the day - fine. Now I'm middle aged and have a bad back I prefer the comforts of an orthopaedic mattress and nice cotton sheets Grin

adaline · 26/05/2019 18:34

If you've been into it before I don't think he's unreasonable to ask to do it again.

If you don't want to, that's fine, but maybe you need to talk to him separately and explain it to him.

Original poster
LeilaDarling · 26/05/2019 18:50

Thanks everyone, your responses are really nice, yes an honest conversation needs to be had.
And I get what the previous poster said how things change, what was once fun isn’t anymore.
Flowers for you all xx

OP posts:
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