AIBU to feel so hurt and confused

[Allofme1]

I had a childhood friend, we have known each other 25 years. While we were in our early twenties I introduced her to another friends and we all got along great for many years.

Fast forward ten years, the friend that was introduced became really flakey over the years, even to the point of not turning up to holiday I paid for. We still kept in touch loosely and obviously i was still very much in touch with my childhood friend.

Two years ago the flakey friend announced her engagement and asked my childhood friend to be her BM, I was a little hurt as I had introduced them, but its her day so you know I got over it. However, childhood friend tells me that flakey friend wants me to do something at the wedding because "my face fits" direct quote. At this point I was a little angry and told my childhood friend that I probably wouldn't go to the wedding as this was a bit crap, I wanted to be there for her not just because I am suitable for something. Childhood friend also confided in me that she was confused why flakey friend had even asked her b/c they had lost contact and she didn't even think she would get married in the end anyway because they had such a bad relationship .. blah blah some other catty things.

Anyway after venting to childhood friend and receiving invitation, flakey friend blocks me from all social media and messaging services. I asked childhood friend to ask flakey friend why she did that, but childhood friend just kept saying "she didn't want to get involved". I was hurt and assumed that I had been uninvited to the wedding, i had a little fight with childhood friend. I said that i thought she should be on my side, since we were friends first and we had been so close over all the years, she disagreed, we agreed to disagree.

Around 3 months ago the hen night came around, childhood friend, an avid social media user, didn't post any snaps of the weekend etc. Thought this was weird, she told me it was because she just felt too ugly. Two weeks ago the wedding came around, again no photos. A mutual friend of ours then happened to say she had seen all the photos of the wedding and wondered why I wasn't there! So she blocked me from seeing anything!

Firstly, i'm hurt that she is hiding all that stuff and that she felt the need to lie, secondly, I feel like she might have broken our confidentiality and told flakey friend what I had said about being upset?

I just feel like I have no choice but to cut childhood friend out. Its not even the first time she has done something like this. I just can't stop dwelling on it, its worse than breaking up with a boyfriend, she has betrayed me and I just can't get over it.

Anyone else broken up with a long term friend?

In that case neither of the sound great. I would distance yourself a bit. It's clear that childhood friend has told flaky friend what you said and also sounds like she dressed the "you have the face for it" thing up so that you would be put out.

You are right to say that a good friend would want to straighten things out between you not exacerbate things.

You took Childhood Friend at face value.

I agree with those who say that Childhood Friend is a shit stirrer. Can you imagine what she then said to Flaky Friend about you?

I'd get in touch with Flaky Friend in a very humble way and ask her what has been going on from her end, whilst detailing what went on from your end. You basically have to cut Childhood Friend out from being the mediator (not sure how she ended up there, but that is typical in toxic relationships).

It may well mean you need to completely re-evaluate your relationships. Sometimes we put up with all sorts of crap from people we have known forever, simply because we don't notice we've been 'letting them off' due to history - for a loooong time.

I should have said "your face fits"

I have to confess that I'm not entirely sure what "your face fits" means to know why it's offensive in this situation? It seemed like an odd turn of phrase indicating that you'd fit in, but thinking it over perhaps I've misunderstood and it has some connotation I'm unaware of.

@MRex, as in i'm of the right social class, appearance and I have the correct accent (according to her).

@MRex, she wanted to create a certain appearance at her wedding, she is actually a very nice person, but she didn't grow up privileged, but she wouldn't ever let it show. But i was offended, because if I didn't have this accent, would she ask me? probably not, which is a little rubbish, just made me feel a little used.

as in i'm of the right social class, appearance and I have the correct accent (according to her).

she wanted to create a certain appearance at her wedding, she is actually a very nice person, but she didn't grow up privileged, but she wouldn't ever let it show. But i was offended, because if I didn't have this accent, would she ask me? probably not, which is a little rubbish, just made me feel a little used.

Did you actually hear this from flaky friend or is all this what childhood friend has told you? Also, did Flaky say she was choosing childhood as BM or did childhood tell you that?

-Childhood friend passed on a message that flaky has been nasty about you
-Childhood friend listened to you 'vent' about flaky, also bitched about her and then told Flaky what you had said
-Childhood friend then 'didn't want to get involved'
-Childhood friend lied about pictures being online

I would contact Flaky and explain what happened and ask her for the truth.

@slashlover, all what childhood friend told me, when I see it written, I see how dumb I have been. Thing is, I did try and get in touch with flaky, but she blocked me from everything. Maybe, i'll send her a letter, try to clear things out. I'm gutted actually now, that I let her transfer these messages between us and was none the wiser, hindsight is wonderful.

Be glad you saw both of their true colours and cut them from your life. I agree it’s not right to be turning on a childhood friend over a newcomer regardless of how childish it sounds. A similar thing happened to me when I was younger and my best friend asked her best friend (I was just a friend not reciprocated it turned out) to be bridesmaid along with other women she’d met at uni/work and I had no role in her wedding after 20 years of friendship. It was very hurtful and I ended up not going. We still talk but we’re not close anymore. Cut your losses and make new friends, they don’t deserve your time and worry.

Can understand why she blocked he photos. I do that often so as not to rub people's noses in something they haven't been to.
But does sound like she might have told flakey friend things she shouldn't have.
Flakey friends are shit. I have one just now. I'd try to gauge childhood friend's reaction and perhaps see if she wants to still be friends, but don't over-react about the photos. She would think she was saving you upset.

@AnnieMay100, thanks. Probably I am a sensitive soul and it might not get to others, maybe i'm childish, but the hurt is real. Thanks for sharing your story

when I see it written, I see how dumb I have been.

I don't think you're dumb, I think you trusted a friend you had known for decades.

I wonder if Flaky actually said something like "I'd really like Allofme1 to do a reading, she has such a lovely voice and is so eloquent. I want her to be involved in some way and this is perfect." which childhood has twisted. I bet she's been twisting what you say to Flaky too.

I bet flakey friend just said something nice like I am.going to ask OP to do the reading or toast or announcements because she speaks nicely and childhood friend out her own spin on it and then even worse told FF that you bitched about her (still not aure why you did really).

They are both flakey. Do you have other friends to spend time with instead?

I really couldn't be doing with all this angst, life's too short to spend on flakiness!

@Chocmallows, thankfully I have a few colleagues whom I’ve grown closer to recently and another very good friend, who lives abroad. None as close as she was though. I also have my OH who is my best friend really, always there to fight my corner or tell me i’m being silly. So I guess I am really lucky.

Childhood friend sounds like a stirrer.

The other friend...were you really friends? From your updates, the holiday etc, it doesn't look like she thought you really were close.

What's done is done. They both sound rubbish. Draw a line and rid yourself of both.

From what you've written, it appears obvious that your old friend repeated a private conversation, after she had given you her spin on what the bride was thinking.

This is a sneaky shit stirring thing to do.

Why shouldn't the bride want her wedding readers to do a nice job reading.
She was paying you a compliment, it certainly wasn't an insult.

Your old friend just put a bitchy spin on it.

Drop the bride a line and clear the air if you wish.

Either way, your old friend has most likely dropped you in it and betrayed your confidence.
Certainly not the actions of a good friend.

She has shown you who she is, I suggest you believe her.

I don't think YABU to be hurt.

I would move on with new friends, it would be really hard to pull a friendship back with either and I wonder if either are bothered to make an honest effort with you. If the bride had really wanted your help she would have asked before, the other friend is a shit-stirrer.