Giving wedding gifts when you're not attending

[Whatareyoutalkingabout]

I keep seeing threads where people are fretting over what to gift bride and groom when they're not attending the wedding. I have seen suggestions of £50 cash being sent by several posters! AIBU to think this is a bit much? Am I really rude?

Until I joined Mumsnet it would never occur to me to buy a gift for a wedding I wasn't attending - I'd send a card, but I definitely wouldn't be putting £50 in the envelope. I'm starting to wonder if I've been really rude all these years just sending a card?

Obviously with close relatives and dear friends I've attended the actual wedding so I find those I can't attend are normally more friends I've not seen for a while/colleagues/ex colleagues/ so not people I'm closest too (wouldn't buy birthday or Xmas presents either but would send a card).

AIBU or really rude?

No. Do not understand why anyone invites people they are not currently close to. My parents invited some friends that I knew but not well and I wouldn’t have expected a present if they couldn’t attend.
I also feel weird about giving cash unless specified even then seems odd. Gift registry makes it so easy, and one close friend had the activities they were hoping to do on their honeymoon thru a special website (so you could get them ‘snorkelling trip for two’ or ‘Italian cooking class’) as well as a few household items. But if someone who was a work colleague invited me (again why?) and I couldn’t go I don’t think I’d send a gift, just a nice card. It hasn’t actually happened though!

I always give a gift to weddings I am invited to and normally gift if someone I know is getting married
Don't like giving cash

It depends on the circumstance of non-attendance I think. I sent a £50 gift to a friend when he got married. Only reason I wasn't going was because it was the other end of the country and short notice.

No, o don’t send a gift if I can’t attend x

I wouldn't send a gift/money if not attending.

I also don't understand why MN hates giving cash so much. I'd prefer to give and receive it, so much easier.

It has never crossed my mind to give a gift for a wedding I am not attending either OP, it's not just you. And I have no intention of starting.

Yes you should send a gift to a newly married couple who have invited you to share their day with them. The gift is exactly that - a gift - A wedding gift is not part payment for the meal the bride and groom will be providing

If it was a wedding I was invited to but couldn't attend then yes I would send a card and a gift or voucher.

Thanks for the replies! I'm glad the majority is like me as like a pp said, I also had no real intention of starting either, even if everyone had called me awful

Yes, I always send a card and either pop in a gift voucher or buy something off the gift list.

Probably wouldn't send cash in the post although do not mind at all giving it as a gift and asked for money at my own wedding.

For most of the UK I think etiquette obliges you to send a gift for a wedding you attend (or say you are going to attend) but not for any others.

I would send a gift if I wish I could attend but, for whatever reason, was unable to. I have also given gifts to close friends who have had very small weddings where I'm not invited and to friends' children where I'm not invited (though more like 30 quid, not 50). But a wedding I'm invited to but don't want to attend - I wouldn't give a gift then.

Depends on who it is and why you aren't going doesn't it?

Random ex-colleague who I never see, not attending because I'm not bothered about seeing them getting married? No gift.

Best friend/close family member whose wedding I would love to attend but can't get time off work/no childcare/some other reason outside of my control? Yep I'd get them something. Probably not cash, but something off the registry so they knew I was thinking of them and wanted to be there.