Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family tightfisted

20 replies

SalemShadow · 26/05/2019 11:22

I was working a second job few days ago as paying off debts (6 months to go). I asked my parents to look after my kids as my dh was working. They were going out for a meal and said they would take my kids as long as I gave them the money for my kids meals. I gave them £20 which was more than enough- I checked menu. Then I was out with family the day after and my parents were bragging that the meal was awful and got the kids meals knocked off as a result. They never gave me the money back though. Aibu? My dh said don't worry about it as only a small amount but it really bothers me with their behaviour is really cheap. Everytime I have been out for a meal with them in the past they try to overcharge me so their bill is cheaper. They never want to pay their way. They never leave a tip ever and are high maintenance to the waitress. Me and my dh used to leave tips and then they would take it off their bill so would be no tip for the waitress. They always deliberately complain about their meals and try to get them refunded. I just hate going out to eat with them now. I think it's such bad manners. Aibu? My dh said let it go. I just don't want to go out with them now. I find their behaviour embarrassing.

OP posts:
Original poster
SalemShadow · 26/05/2019 11:34

anyone?

OP posts:
ambereeree · 26/05/2019 11:43

I'm surprised they asked for money at all for thrir own grandchildren. Do they struggle financially?

Twotinydictators · 26/05/2019 11:44

Yeah that's really cheap and unfair to take the waitress tip off their own balance!! Are they struggling for money? Are they generally good parents? If this is their only fault I'd let it go even though I would find that very irritating.

Mrskeats · 26/05/2019 11:45

That’s grim. My parents would have just taken my kids and paid.

WhiteDust · 26/05/2019 11:48

Stop going. Your family sound awful.

Pipandmum · 26/05/2019 11:51

I am shocked that they didn’t pay for their own grandkids! Avoid asking them for anything if possible.

Original poster
SalemShadow · 26/05/2019 11:51

They are good parents but always been really cheap. I've had to pay for babysitting in the past. I just cannot stand going out for meals with them. My dm is so wasteful with money so my dd is tight. He thinks cos I work ft I have loads of money. My dm never worked and they have struggled in the past. I just don't want to go for meals with them anymore. I hate all the complaining deliberately. It's horrible and they want to be waited on hand and foot and never tip.

OP posts:
ZoeWashburne · 26/05/2019 11:59

Have you ever spoken up? When the bill comes, why do you not divide it and tell them what they owe? When they try to take the tip say "Sorry, no, that is our tip for the waitress, your amount comes to X".

Also, stop having them look after your children when they want to be paid. That money between friends and family is a recipe for falling out. Pay an actual babysitter. If they say something just say "it was getting messy with money between families. And I would hate for it to come between us. Therefore, we will pay babysitters and you can have DC when you would like to visit with them."

They'll always be tight and greedy. All you can do is change your reaction to them, and making sure you are not in a situation where you have to give them money.

SunniDay · 26/05/2019 12:00

The cost of the kids meals was taken off for poor service so I don't think it's essential they give you the money (it wasn't because the kids meal were inedible for instance) but it would gave been nice of them to at least split the deduction.

It doesn't sound like you would expect and different from your parents though? I wouldn't want to go for meals with them either. Unfortunately it sounds like you need their help for childcare so don't have a lot of choice about demands like this if you want their help.

Witchend · 26/05/2019 12:17

They took the cost of the children's meals off because the whole service was bad, so I would disagree that was your money.

I'd also say if they were planning on going out for a meal, taking your dc changes the meal considerably. Going out with just dh (or dh and adult friends) is very different from going out with dh and the dc, even though dc are all secondary age. So in this case I don't think it's unreasonable to ask you to pay for the meal.

DameDoom · 26/05/2019 12:18

ZoeWashburne has given the perfect response.

Not only are they misers but morally bankrupt too - complaining on purpose to get money knocked off. Urgh.
These are some of the worst human characteristics which are deemed socially acceptable in some circles. They are not nice people.

dottiedodah · 26/05/2019 12:27

Maybe instead of going out to eat ,suggest meeting up at home?.just say to them We ll bring Pizza/garlic bread .You do crisps ,Ice Cream or whatever.They may be struggling a bit if your Mum has never worked, (less pension for her).Lots of people seem to feel an entitlement to a slap up meal with silver service ,for a bargain price !.My Daughter worked at a restaurant 2 for£10, and was complained to that the plates were the wrong shape!.

LoafEater · 26/05/2019 12:35

They wouldn’t pay for their own grandkids meals and asked for £ in advance? That’s just mean.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 26/05/2019 12:38

I wouldn't go out with them again for a meal.

I would have offered cash though to take the children out. They don't have to babysit and presumably it would cost you more in childcare.

bridgetreilly · 26/05/2019 12:43

Leave a tip in cash, after the bill has been settled.

Original poster
SalemShadow · 26/05/2019 13:15

Yeah my sil just told me earlier that they have taken their waitress tip off their bill so decided to leave change at the end of the meal instead now. I just find going out with them embarrassing as when the bill turns up they are always surprised at how much they have spent and always claim it's wrong. I hate it. I'm going to try and avoid it as much as possible

OP posts:
Original poster
SalemShadow · 26/05/2019 13:16

They always ask for money in advance and it was a family meal they were going to and not just them as a couple.

OP posts:
BrendasUmbrella · 26/05/2019 13:19

They were doing you a favour - even though they are misers. Let it go. Avoid doing anything with them where money is involved. Let them be cheap by themselves.

TidyDancer · 26/05/2019 13:21

If it's a pattern of behaviour (and it sounds like it is) I would very casually ask them when they'll be able to pass the £20 back to you. Act like it's a given that they will, don't present it as a choice. See what they say. If it was a one off I probably wouldn't bother but cheap skates carry on until challenges. They probably don't see anything wrong with their behaviour because people haven't pulled them up on it.

Normaknowall · 26/05/2019 13:46

In preparation for the next time you need them to have your kids you just say 'great that you got the kids meals free this time, so you have that £20 I gave you for them next time' and just keep saying it.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page