Wedding and money

[Moneyorpresents]

Sorry I know there have been a few threads about this but I'm totally flummoxed on what to do!

We have been invited to two weddings 2 weeks after our baby is due. I have no idea what to give to either of them! 🤦🏻‍♀️ We aren't going to either as I don't know how I feel/ what if baby is overdue. It's not a massive deal I know but with my due date getting closer and closer baby could come any time and I just want things sorted so I can focus on baby and myself after the birth.

First wedding - was close friends with the bride but we have become a little distant recently (I think mainly because I'm struggling and she is busy planning a wedding but when we do see each other we have a laugh). She has become a bit bridezilla calling her bridesmaids names etc and I have taken a slight step back from the drama tbh. I do value her as a friend though and gave her a little hen do pack to take when she went away for her hen (silly things like bobbles, painkillers, champagne etc, cost about £20 so not a lot!). When we got married she got us a few presents. My dm reckons £75 gift card but that seems a lot and we are going to be tight with my maternity pay! Is that the done thing? I'm not sure if it's relevant and I feel bad saying it but she can't have spent anywhere near that for our wedding, so should I just match what she got?

Wedding two is my dh friend (actually old work colleague). Dh is going to show his face at the ceremony and then come home. I have no idea what we give this couple as I've never met them!

Any advice would be great! I know I'm probably overthinking it all 😳 I think I'm becoming a bit manic wanting everything to be right before baby comes and it's leading me to worry too much 😂😂

£50 and £20 (if that's affordable)

I think a gift voucher is perfectly reasonable. I would say £25-£50 each is fair, considering you're going to be on a lower income than in the past.
I find a voucher more thoughtful than cash, simply because it looks like a bit of thought has been put into the purchase?

We got married recently and got cards with money from a tenner to £150. We were equally grateful for all of them. We were a little surprised at just how generous some people were, especially friends. Give what you can afford and are comfortable with, in a nice card with a personal message and it will be appreciated I’m sure.

Wedding 1: £20 to £50 depending on your finances.

Wedding 2: a card with your best wishes.

I we got married last year and asked for John Lewis vouchers.

We received amounts from £20-50 from work colleagues and friends, and a few larger amounts from aunts and uncles.

I'd just send a card to both if not attending either.

we also received some smaller gifts. What about a bottle of champagne for the work colleague?

Personally, I hate gift vouchers as inevitably they are for somewhere I hardly shop or I forget where I've put them. Cash is easy, can be used everywhere and doesn't give shops profit for fuck all when the voucher expires unused.

Do they have a wedding list? If not I think £50 and £20 is fine. We had a list and we had some very generous to surprisingly mean (one very wealthy friend of my parents who I’d known for years got us a wooden bowl for £15) to no presents at all! Always go with what you feel comfortable with and don’t worry about matching what they spent on your gift or how much they are spending on the wedding.

Good idea about champagne for the work colleague! Would it be bad if we used one of our bottles from our wedding (we got loads of fancy champagne then I got pregnant so haven't drank any of it 😂). I'll see if dh wants to get them a voucher too.

I think (and this could be ridiculous) that I'm a bit worried about my friend being annoyed if we don't give them much as she has gone on before about people being tight etc 🤦🏻‍♀️

We have been invited to weddings where we didn't go - to one (ex work colleague) we sent a card, nothing else, and to another we sent a card and a piece of framed art work worth about £25 (relative of Dh). I don't feel obliged to buy people gifts simply because they invite us. However, it's understandable to want to give your friend something.

Personally I wouldn't give money if not going. I'd probably buy a restaurant voucher for your friend for £40/£50 max. As for the other couple I'd get a bottle of fizz for them - £20 max.

As you’re not going to the weddings I would say a £20 voucher and a nice card was plenty. When we got married several people who couldn’t make it sent just cards and that was fine - don’t overstretch your finances just to keep up appearances.

Great idea to regift your champagne to the work colleague so that would mean no cost involved - no need to buy anything else. As for your friend, let her piss off with her attitude. You could give her a restaurant voucher and also regift a bottle of your champagne. If she thinks that's tight I'd reconsider her friendship!

The champagne will be fine and honestly if your pal kicks off then she's not much of a friend is she! I loved all of my gifts. Small or otherwise. One of my faves is some personalised champagne flutes. Probably not expensive but I love them and think of my friend when I use them!

We regifted most of our wedding gift champagne. That’s fine for work colleague. Your friend, £50 gift voucher and nice card unless you can find something personal and different you know they’d like. Friend bough5 us a rose for our garden which was perfect for us.

Thank you :-) just wanted to know I wasn't being a cf or going to end up on one of these boards ha!

Agree with other posters that thoughtful gifts were the best :-) we got a voucher from a good friend towards our favourite restaurant and a promise to have our puppy for the night! It was great! In the end my mum had the puppy and they came with us to help spend the voucher :-)

Champagne for the work colleague - it's just a token. A picture frame or something would be equally fine.

And something from the gift list or a voucher for £50 would be more than generous. I don't think the fact you can't go to the wedding should affect what you give to a friend. What would you have given if you had gone?

I genuinely don't know what we would have given tbh! Dh thinks we should match what they gave us but he is not a fan of the groom (only met him at our wedding and he complained loudly that we didn't have enough choice in the wine we bought for the tables!).

If everything goes smoothly I do plan on going to the ceremony to see her get married, not sure if that changes things? Obviously we won't be going to the reception or anything after as that would be cf!

£50 John Lewis/Waitrose card and eg token/novelty gift eg a picture frame/candle holders for the former colleague though for ease sake a £20 gift card is fine.

Don’t even think about a picture frame. They’re the 21st century toaster. Regift the fizz.

If you’re not going to the first wedding, why do you need to send a gift at all? If you feel the need to do something, I’d go for a small gift like a frame for one of their wedding photos, or a bottle of champagne

For the second, I’d take a bottle of champagne or a £20 gift card. They do know they’re not hosting him, don’t they?

It's a friend's wedding. Just because you can't go, why would that affect what you would give to a good friend? Surely you give because they are your friend- not because you are going to the wedding?

@HermioneWeasley I guess because she is a very good friend so I feel I need to send something. One of my best friends couldn't attend my wedding as she was ill in hospital and I was very touched that she still sent us a card and flowers to me on the morning :-)
And yes for the second they know he is just coming to the ceremony :-)

@Qweenbee was that aimed at me or the pp? I don't think it is affecting what I will give I just didn't know what to give in the first place 😂 it's just complicated in that I am trying to get it all sorted this week so I don't have to worry after baby is born :-)