To not want to live in PIL house forever

[Chocolatecoffeepot]

Annoyingly had to name change as my other posts would 100 percent give me away to anyone that knows me!

My PIL bought a house in a area they like in cash and we have been renting it for years (I say in cash so you know they won't be worse off without us). My DH wants to live here forever, he doesn't see it as renting as one day his parents will die and we will own it . The house has so many faults we are footing the bill for as although we are renting he won't ask his parents to fix anything.

We are saving for a mortgage as a compromise with him honestly thinking I will change my mind when I see houses we can afford and we can throw all our savings into his parents house (very patronising).

I am writing this as I want any reasons I can give him why we need a mortgage rather than renting off his parents. Or any personal experience you have had? I have seen houses we can afford online and they are probably half the size but we don't need a huge house?

I think he was raised to see the size of a house as important which in all honesty is really unattractive to me.

Reasons I have already given him he just ignores...

1. If his parents get ill we will need to sell our home for care and the amount we have spent on it will be wasted.
2. We would have a healthier relationship with his parents if we didn't rely on them for a home.
3. A smaller house would be easier to clean than a big one.
4. His parents like to brag they bought our house to anyone we are out with (they always fail to mention we pay rent) and I know my child will grow up being told they own our house and I don't think that will send the right message 'wait til your parents die, don't buy a house yourself'?

Thanks everyone!

Do the PIL live there too? Do they not have their own house to sell for care? It is a bit confusing

Yanbu

they could have gifted it to their son
It’s a form of control

I refused to let my father buy a house as I knew I would be expect to find never ending repairs and also pay”rent” on “my house” which was really his... he would also have expected to live in it with me when he got old.

@user87382294757 no they have their own house. But I'm pretty sure if FIL needed to go into care that MIL would sell our house to pay for a nursing home and not her own house?

You are right to be concerned about care home fees. Do you pay reduced or full market rent? Why don't you give them a list of what needs fixed?
Would PIL sell it to you?
It is going to be very hard to change your husband's mind though.

@Horsemenoftheaclopalypse I said even if we had a piece of paper that legally said after X years when we paid it back we would own it I might think about it, but with our current situation, we are expected to do all repairs ect and if they live past 80 which is very likely we will end up paying for the house and more! Looking back I wish I refused but I was young and it was my first house and I really didn't think of my future!

Well a big one for me (aside from the selling for care thing, which I completely agree with you on) would be that if you split up all the money you’ve put into it would be tied up in his parents house and you’d walk away with nothing.

I'm pretty sure if FIL needed to go into care that MIL would sell our house to pay for a nursing home and not her own house?

Yep. ^

I don’t think it’s ever good renting from family, most people I have met that have say the same as you. You end up throwing money at all the problems rather than ask for them to be fixed like you would do if they were a mom family
Landlord.

Could you buy a house to rent out and stay where you are for the time being? It would get you on the property ladder and you wouldn't then be reliant on inheriting the house you are currently living in. It doesn't resolve the issue of the IL's bragging but maybe you could ask them if they resent you living in the house as they seem to mention it so frequently whilst failing to mention you pay rent. I'm not sure I would be happy to pay for repairs or home improvements on a house I didn't own.

I'd be very keen to get your own place or even buy from your PIL at a rate lower than market value as you've lived there a long time and invested your own money, some sort of agreement along those lines

You yourself need some security too - without being negative, if you and your DH divorce you'll be left with nothing even though your money has been invested into the house he may eventually get in a will

Good luck - if nothing else but a house and rent it out

Calculate how much you’ve spent together on rent in this house so far, plus how much you estimate you will continue spending each year so he can see the extent to which you’re spending on a house which isn’t legally yours.

Even if they leave you the house after they pass, it’s likely eligible for inheritance tax and there’s every possibility you’d have to sell it anyway. It was foolish of your DH to go into this without a written agreement.

@Asdfghjklll they offered us the house with a discount rather than leave but we can't get a mortgage for a house the size we have at the price offered (we already paid a lot more than the discount offered in rent) which in itself annoyed me, becuase I would charge my child the amount I paid originally for a house, especially if I had years of rent payments. The house has gone up in price due to the time we have had it, so if they offered us what they paid we could afford it. We have been priced out of our own area.

I said to him that we get my parents house when they die and don't pay them rent (I know it's different), but his excuse that it's okay to pay them money forever as we will own it one day just doesn't work for me.

I agree with everyone. And am 99 percent sure the reason it isn't our house is because it's a way for him to be secure if we divorce. If he died the house would go to our child in his parents will and I would be stuck aswell!

I thought last night I will save enough and if he refuses I will get a divorce and a smaller mortgage alone. I know it sounds horrible and very OTT but I can't live in PIL house for life becuase he wants to have the appearance of having money! I love him but his need to please his parents at our expense is going to end our marriage. I wish I could show you photos of the house, the doors and windows are a burglars dream!

Have you heard of a gifted deposit? That might help you

AFAIK no one can be made to sell a house for care home fees while a spouse/dependent is still living in it as their main residence, so your ILs wouldn’t need to sell their house regardless, unless both of them went into care. With the house you live in though, I think it depends on whether you have a formal arrangement (they bought it as BTL and you paid a protected deposit and have a contract). Otherwise I guess (but no idea), they own a house that they’re letting you live in and I suppose they could be made to sell it.

I would definitely get my own place regardless though.

Definitely buy your own place and secure your own future. Your DH, his parents and your children have security in this situation. If you and DH divorce he has no assets to split as they belong to his parents.

If they did sell to you at an undervalue they would still be liable to pay capital gains tax as if it were sold to you at market value.

Tell your DH his parents can't have it both ways. They are either your landlords in which case they should.pay for repairs, checks etc as landlords and it not be to your detriment.

I agree can you buy another property as a BTL so that you are on the property ladder but stay where you are. At least you would be a property owner and have somewhere were you to split.

I would resent them profiting on the rent and yet shouting to all and sundry how generous they have been buying you a house. When they say that, you should that you pay rent and do all repairs have done with X amount of years.

I would feel nervous, that if anything happens to your marriage you could end up homeless. Is there some back sorry here OP? Its like your in-laws and DH don't trust you.

I think your plan to look for a smaller more affordable house either with or without your DH is a good one. Good luck.

Yep. You will be left with nothing if you split up. That would be my biggest concern.

Have you given him an ultimatum? Youbor the house?

The parents could then rent the property out and have someone else pay for you DHs inheritance!! While he accumulates another property

No its not on. If they need social care the house will be gone. You need your own place.