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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New York holiday for dd - cost aibu

42 replies

Devon06 · 26/05/2019 05:32

So years ago I said to my daughter that when she turns 13 I would take her for a weekend to New York. Fast forward a few years and she is 13 and i can’t afford it just now, having taking her and ds away each year. She was fine with that and said she would wait. I am a single parent and take them away somewhere every year plus they do all their school trips. In 8 years their dad has took them away once.

Anyway her dad says he will take her ( he is remarried and both have high earning jobs), I said ok I really wanted to take her but if he can afford it then she shouldn’t miss out. He looked at prices at the time and said he could get something for around 400 and would I go half for her? Yes that’s fine. However he never booked it and text last week to say I am going to book New York for him, his wife and dd in December. Great I said how lovely. He booked it and said well you owe me £400. Tbh I was shocked as they have paid for a luxury weekend costing over 800 each and expect me to pay 400. I said yes originally as the cost would have been about 200 for her not 400. He never checked just assumed. I am fuming! He could have took her at a cheaper time of year but he has booked the most expensive. I don’t have that money to hand and don’t see why I should double what I give him. Also in 8 years despite his money going up he has never given me a penny more, he has the kids for 2 nights a month so i literally pay for everything. Aibu to refuse to give him this amount???

OP posts:
Fairylea · 26/05/2019 07:58

Just pay the original £200 and say that’s what you can afford. If he didn’t run anything by you before he booked it he can’t suddenly expect you to pay £400.

On a side note I’m Shock at a weekend in New York for 3 people, one of them being a teen, costing so little! I keep pricing up breaks there for our family of 4 for 4 days and the lowest I can get it is about 1.5k!

NorthernRunner · 26/05/2019 08:01

I don’t know, I am going against the grain here but you aren’t contributing to their family holiday, your contributing to your daughters, which I don’t think is that out of line. You agreed to go halves, did you specify that £200 was your limit?

He does sound like he shirks responsibility and you must get CMS involved, but I also don’t think he sounds totally at fault in this situation.

He probably thinks he is helping you out as it would be a heck of a lot more than £400 if you were to take her...

That being said, I obviously don’t know you and he could be a total bastard.

Sorry I’m not much help!

Disfordarkchocolate · 26/05/2019 08:03

Can I ask why is child support hasn't increased?

kwest · 26/05/2019 08:04

The OP does say the weekend is costing £800 EACH. So approx £2.4k for the trip.

ourkidmolly · 26/05/2019 08:05

How on earth would you get a weekend in New York for £400? The flights would be more than that. Not saying you should pay but that's a crazy assumption.

cccameron · 26/05/2019 08:18

The £400 is half the cost ourkidmolly.
Maybe on the original quote he had a child place and its gone.
You can get cheap breaks to NY. My sister went for 3 nights last April for £550. Bog standard mid town hotel but was absolutely fine.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 26/05/2019 08:25

Tell him nicely to do one...

You can’t just move goal posts like that

HermioneWeasley · 26/05/2019 08:31

You shouldn’t be paying anything, but since you agreed to pay £200, I think you’re honour bound to stick to that, but nothing more.

UrsulaPandress · 26/05/2019 08:37

I wouldn't give him anything and give your dd a nice big wodge of spending money when she goes.

UnicornDust9 · 26/05/2019 08:41

Go to csa to see if you can get your money increased firstly.

And I don’t think you should give him anything really but as you already agreed 200 just give him that and say that’s what was agreed.

ChipsAreLife · 26/05/2019 10:25

I would be be giving him anything. Why are you letting him treat you like this?

AllFallDown · 26/05/2019 11:21

I don't know how he'd have found a weekend in NY where the cost for her was only £400 in the first place. There are no discounts on flights for 13yos. Would they have been sleeping in the airport terminal and getting the subway in to Manhattan?

thetonsillolith · 26/05/2019 11:26

As people have said, you definitely can't go to NY and back and stay for a few nights for £400. BUT that's not your problem. He's booked it, not you. I wouldn't be paying him a penny.

thetonsillolith · 26/05/2019 11:27

£800 each will not get you a luxury weekend in NY btw. It wouldn't even get you a luxury weekend in London.

coconutpie · 26/05/2019 11:27

You would be insane to pay one penny towards this trip.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 26/05/2019 23:44

Or say you'll knock it off the money he owes you in maintenance. ...and also back calculate the cost of all the hols you've taken your kids on and send him the bill/statement.....

He'll be getting flights/hotels at heavily reduced prices anyway as airline staff

HiJenny35 · 27/05/2019 00:00

He should have checked with you first however you said you'd pay half of dd, so I think you need to pay, however it's fine to go back and say that at the time you discussed and he said it would be £200, £400 is double and you simply don't have it. Maybe offer to meet half way.
The fact that his maintenance hasn't increased is a totally different subject that you should definitely deal with but it's separate to this issue.
You promised your dd she could go and if you say you won't pay at all I'd be concerned that it may simply spoil the holiday for her/cancel her place.

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