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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder if anybody else who has just hit 50 feels like they’ve spent those years just bumbling along and wish they’d had a life plan?

26 replies

F1zzB1zz · 25/05/2019 22:40

That’s it really.

OP posts:
ssd · 25/05/2019 22:45

I've never seen the point of a life plan, life happens and you either go with it or you don't. If you have money then you have choices, if you don't you don't have the choice to make convoluted plans.
Most people would hope to be healthy and happy, but through no fault of their own they aren't.
Bumbling along isn't the end of the world. Accepting who you are and what you've done is something worthwhile. As is excepting mistakes or regrets.

F1zzB1zz · 25/05/2019 22:50

Maybe it’s just more a life plan. I can’t believe how much I went with the flow. Now I’m looking ahead on the other side of 50 planning things I’m thinking of all the time I wasted pre 50 iykwim.

OP posts:
MightyAtlantic · 25/05/2019 22:50

I'm about to hit 40 rather than 50, but I definitely feel like that. I feel like I've completely wasted the last ten years. But I've had some struggles and have been focused on keeping myself together and keeping a roof over my head. And I managed that so haven't done too badly.

MrsTommyBanks · 25/05/2019 22:51

Yep. I'm 51 now, and feel like I've have spent life trying to cope with awful events.
When men make plans, the Gods laugh. Sums me up lol.

MrsTommyBanks · 25/05/2019 22:54

Now i have the space to think of just me, I'm a bit discombobulated tbh.
Although I have a short list of options.

Singlenotsingle · 25/05/2019 23:01

I got fed up just drifting through life, like a piece of flotsam carried along with the tide. At 33 I took control and started a degree course and never really looked back. Still made mistakes obviously, but I can recommend taking a bit more control. You feel better in yourself, have more self confidence, and more self respect

SluggishSnail · 25/05/2019 23:04

I've just turned 50 and feel like I'm too busy to make a plan!

(Maybe the plan is to 'be busy'?)
I don't think there's a right and wrong way forward, although the pursuit of happiness is a good thing :)
OP what plan would you like?

mimibunz · 25/05/2019 23:06

I’m 51 and have been through some awful times. I think you have to keep moving forward. Forget about the past. Just move on.

prettywhiteguitar · 25/05/2019 23:07

I think if you want an end goal, then a plan is essential. When I hit 35 I started to realise I was just floating along so I made 5 year targets, life doesn’t always play ball but I feel like slowly slowly I’m getting there

UnderC0verAg3nt · 25/05/2019 23:12

No, I don't bumble along
Every year I write a list of things that I want to do or go to
I do most things
Some are short term goals
Some are long term goals
I have friends that procrastinate
I'm more of a get things done person

bridgetreilly · 25/05/2019 23:12

I've definitely bumbled but I don't regret it. If I'd made a plan when I was 20 and stuck to it, I'm sure I would be seriously unhappy now. I would have planned all the wrong things.

WoollyMummoth · 25/05/2019 23:24

I can’t think of anything worse than having your life mapped out ahead of you. Taking opportunities that present themself and making choices along the way seems much more stress free and natural ( definitely not bumbling!)than setting yourself rigid end goals to reach.

UnderC0verAg3nt · 26/05/2019 00:24

Example
I see people on here who say they are disappointed when nothing nice happens on their birthday
I make a plan in advance & for other peoples birthdays too

I don't have rigid plans, some get moved onto next year & I do some things on the spur of the moment

I'm a get things done, kinda person

bliminy · 26/05/2019 00:58

I'm about to turn 50 and have taken opportunities as they've presented themselves. No plan till now. No plan for the future. No regrets.

AlunWynsKnee · 26/05/2019 01:14

I did the groundwork of good exams and a degree and have coasted since then. It's turned out OK. Life has thrown me some real curveballs e.g. MS but I can work with what I have. I'm never going to set the world on fire and I struggle with anxiety/OCD.
No matter how hard I'd worked or which choices I'd made, I'd still have MS.

Justbreathing · 26/05/2019 09:43

That happened to me at 40
But I guess it all depends on what you’ve done!

user87382294757 · 26/05/2019 10:25

Maybe you could write a list of things you might like to so say by 55? Something to work on, could be anything...rather than looking back as we can't change anything in the past. All we can do is look forward and go from where we are.

D1ary0fcolour · 27/05/2019 00:47

I don't want to get to say 90 & look back & say I wish I'd done x,yz
I make the most of opportunities
I spend time with family & friends
I try new things
I've done some amazing things, some of which I never would have expected to do
Life is for living & I try to make the most of it !

HelenaDove · 27/05/2019 01:35

Im about to turn 46 and never really had a plan Does anyone else feel that time has gone bloody quickly. 1988 feels like it was 5 mins ago

TanteRose · 27/05/2019 01:46

I turned 50 last year, organized a fabulous party for myself and then made a plan to do five new things for the 5 decades I've been alive Smile
So in the past year, I went snowboarding for the first time, got a beautiful (tasteful and discreet) bespoke tattoo, first helicopter ride, first ever zip line ride, and then I did backing vocals for a music track Grin

Never too late to make plans Smile

seesawteddy · 27/05/2019 01:58

When I was 16 a teacher gave an assembly - the message was “don’t be a drifter”.
I would probably have forgotten if he hadn’t died about 6 months later. So that message stayed with me.
I spent the next ten years packing as much into life as possible. I had a lot of experiences, and achieved a lot. I also burned out three times, developed an anxiety problem and came to realise that no amount of planning, grand goals and accomplishments brings meaning to life.

Athrawes · 27/05/2019 02:02

Nah, regret is a worthless emotion. I am very close to 50 and had a plan, followed it, turned out not to be what i wanted after all.
So, bring on the next 50.

Adversecamber22 · 27/05/2019 03:17

I did have a bit of a plan, I wanted to escape my childhood poverty, go to University which was sneered at by my Mother and marry a man who had intelligence off the scale . I did all those things and had two lovely dc but then very sadly my DD died. So for quite a while I was a very lucky person whose plans worked out, then it felt like the worst life possible for a long time.

Mediumred · 27/05/2019 03:32

Oh adverse we are so sorry, no plans in all the world can take account of such a sad and unfair tragedy, so sorry about your little girl, sod plans. You have been amazing just to exist, just to be and to carry on for your other DC.

I think, speaking to the OP now, that we can feel we haven’t done enough or aren’t where we ‘should be’, but we are here and if we are healthy, happy, have people that we love and are loved back in return then that is all good and should be cherished and celebrated and 50 is not so old that we can’t have some dreams and ideas for the future if we want to work towards them.

TanteRose · 27/05/2019 03:33

Adverse Flowers