If your DH is an alcoholic...

[Motherof3feminists]

...and you've said that he either gets so we or the marriage is over, then you need to adjust your own behaviour? Or should partners just carry on drinking and suggest going to the pub? It's seems unfair that the partner has to make changes to their lifestyle but also unfair to put temptation in the alcoholic's way. I would have thought giving support means making changes to your own lifestyle. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

All the years living with an alcoholic put me off drinking tbh.

Nowadays I can take it or leave it and DH is happy to go to a pub/bar and not have an alcoholic drink, but at first I wouldn't have suggested it or drunk at home.

Lots of people carry on even in the early days but it seemed unfair to me.

Tbh I don't think she has any intention of leaving him as she's codependent.

It does mean making changes to your own lifestyle but I suppose that's just one of the many ways that people supporting alcoholics have to bend themselves out of shape. I'd argue that limiting your own alcohol intake is probably one of the smallest compromises those supporting alcoholics make.

I think it's very unfair to demand someone stops drinking then go out drinking with friends half the night, going to festivals and continuing to drink at home. And I think it's very unfair to suggest going to the pub. On the other hand it could be argued that the other person shouldn't have to alter their lifestyle just because their partner has an addiction.

DH never asked me to stop OP.

Who are you in this situation, are you okay? X

I'm fine, thank you. Just frustrated watching this situation. Maybe the other person has a drink problem too. They drink a lot so I guess it would be hard to not drink and socially everything revolves around drink.

My DH quit drinking but I continued. He insisted I did, but has also made me feel bad about it at times so a lot of mixed messages. BUT, I have never been a big drinker and would never go to the pub or whatever. Don’t get drunk. If I have a drink it’s just because someone offers me a glass or my DH brings a bottle home. If he had asked me to stop, I probably would have. His recovery was far more important than me drinking. Though with us him quitting drinking was just the tip of the iceberg and the rest of that obscenely huge iceberg is still lurking below the surface. But that’s another thread.

I don't think there's a right way or wrong way of doing it. It's got to be worked out between the couple really.

I think suggesting a pub visit with a rwcovering alcoholic is selfish and having alcohol in the house is selfish. I dont think its wrong to go out with friends separately and have a drink though.

If your friend can't go without alcohol when with her partner she may well have a dependency issue too.