Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU would you rather?

10 replies

Alicewond · 25/05/2019 02:40

Marry for wealth and respect, knowing you and your children will always be provided for. Or marry for love and you and your children will struggle? Imagine these are the only choices

OP posts:
BetsyBigNose · 25/05/2019 04:16

I did have a very rich boyfriend back before I met DH and although it was fun to be treated to nice things and taken to special places, it wasn't enough to maintain the relationship as I didn't love him.

DH and I fell in love very quickly nearly 20 years ago and have struggled financially for the last 7 or so, since I was diagnosed as being very sick and was unable to work. Happily, I am recovered enough to earn again now, but without the love, we wouldn't have made it through those financially difficult times.

So I think love is infinitely more important than money - it would be wonderful if DH and I had enough not to have to worry about it, but as long as we have each other, I'm happy Grin

Our main aim with our daughters is to ensure that they are loved, we feel it's the most important thing in raising our children as it helps them to feel secure and gives them a safe family unit that they can trust and rely on. They know that nothing and no one will stop us loving them, no matter what and we hope that this gives them the confidence to venture out into the world knowing they will always have us on their side.

If all we had to offer was money, not love, I suppose they would have the security of knowing that they'd never have to worry financially, but we feel that growing up with parents who love each other gives them an example of the security and happiness a healthy, loving relationship makes possible (all 4 of DH's and my parents have been divorced twice - one parent 3 times). We feel hugely lucky to have one another and never dream of swapping our relationship for financial security.

If someone had never been in love and had either spent all their life struggling financially or was born to wealth and was contemplating marrying for money, I would understand why they might be tempted, but I think once you know what it feels like to be in love, you realise that it's never going to bring you the happiness you get from being with the right partner.

Interesting question though OP, I'm intrigued to read what others think!

Cariadne · 25/05/2019 05:13

Love, every time!

Vivavivienne · 25/05/2019 07:43

I’d marry for money and security. Assuming this means family money, and me working in my career too, not sponging off a trust fund baby.

I don’t think money makes you happy, but I think it’s provably pretty tricky to be happy and experience the things like travel etc that I enjoy when you’re constantly struggling for every £2.50.

floraloctopus · 25/05/2019 07:44

Money and security. I'd rather be single and have my own money and security though.

Oysterbabe · 25/05/2019 07:44

Is the rich guy nice?

NatureWillDeleteTheEvidence · 25/05/2019 07:45

If the guy was pleasant and respectful i'd choose rich. Before kids, i would have said love, but having struggled with kids and not being able to earn since having them and their dad not stepping up, i want to kick myself, go back in time and find someone a lot more 'sorted'.

AndOutComeTheBoobs · 25/05/2019 07:48

I'd marry for love and happiness, is that a choice?
I don't give two figs about money.
It's possible to struggle and be happy and content.
Sure it's stressful and you're constantly juggling money between accounts to make sure all the bills are paid but as long as you work hard then you'll get a long.

I couldn't fuck a husband that I didn't love and fancy. Just laying there and thinking of his money, doesn't quite do it for me.

thewinkingprawn · 25/05/2019 07:49

Money and respect - as long as mutual respect is there I think money makes life a lot easier - you’d love your kids anyway and struggling for the next £5 is hard and trying for any relationship.

LuckyLou7 · 25/05/2019 07:51

Love, every time. Wealth isn't everything. As long as you work, you can still have nice things. Unless Mr Rich is also drop dead gorgeous with a warm and endearing personality, obviously. I couldn't be intimate with a man I didn't fancy, no matter how healthy his bank balance is.

SnuggyBuggy · 25/05/2019 07:52

I'm cynical and would pick money and respect. I've seen couples on low incomes who love each other but can't make a life for themselves and their kids and it's pretty grim.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread