Today this happend, made me think my husband is extremely Superficial, and made me re think us. Aibu for making such a big deal out of a small thing now we are working on us?
I always look good for my husband, wearing nice clothes, wearing sexy lingerie, etc. Today we didn’t sleep home and I didn’t have my things. So he how I looked, and said in our culture a woman should look good for her husband and that his mother used to tell his sisters that a woman should shower three times a day. I got annoyed and told him if he was talking like that, I had other things I needed to do and that i would prefer to be alone than to spend my day like that, we were to go shopping together. After he texted me saying sorry if i hurt you. I wasn’t hurt, i just found it shallow. So he send a laughing smiley which pissed me off and I found it immature. I am often thinking about our relationship and what I should do.
So I put the good and the bad.
I found it difficult to talk with him about these things as he often gets mad. I wanted to write it to him. But I think he thinks I am a coward for doing so. But I can better express myself like that.
I think love shouldn’t be this difficult.
But I am scared to leave, I think it is going to be a hell. And especially because he doesn’t want to cooperate and about the kids.
aibu for thinking he is shallow and just wanting to leave and tell him all this?
The bad:
He is 17 years older than me. I am in my 20s. At first he lied about his age. Moat of his girlfriends has been younger than him. We got married fast and had a child fast. He didn’t have any kids before and has not been married before, I guess he was a bit of a party guy.
He was in a long distance relationship the same time he met me, they never met but he called her his fiance and they said I love you to each other and in 3 months they had more than 6000 texts and some calls and video calls. When he met me he often told her he was busy. Even after he had sex with me and told me he loved me he still wrote with her, not breaking it off at first. I found out on my own, he doesn’t know that I know.
I think he cares too much about looks and is very private, caring a lot (A LOT) about apparence.
We were on and off at some point, impossible to plan about visitations about kids and talking together. He said i wanted to ruin his life and so he would ruin my. He went out every weekend just sitting in the bar.
Two weeks after giving burth he dissapeared an entire night to a party because angry at me.
We didn’t talk at all after giving birth.
When we disagree about childcare he insults me calling me awful things. Before he was too harsh with kids (he is very bad with emotions, such as crying). It got so bad he told a lot of lies about me being abusive and neglectful and a bad mother and said kids would turn out awful if they were just with me and that I wanted to take them away from him, and reported me to social services. (We are getting help in form of therapy, our kids are fine and I am a good mother, it all came back on him and how he talks to me, even though he started it. He got better, still getting theraphy.
The good:
Husband helps a lot with the practical things around the house.
Husband spends lots of time with the children and put his time with us above everything else.
He is faithful.
We often have fun together.
Husband is there for me and the kids whenever we need it, taking good care of us.
The kids love him.
Doesn’t go out without me, more of a home person than me.
Husband cares about what I want, and support me in what I want and stays with the kids one night a week so I can attend to my hobby.
Two times out from the blue he came by himself saying he knows to change somethings about him.
He compliments me, calls me a good mother, beautiful, that he loves me, for the things I do, calling me intelligent, etc.
We often cuddle, "play", and the way he looks at me is like he loves me.