to take kids long-haul to visit family?

[lookingouttosea]

I only have one sister and she lives in the US. We don't have much money and i have a 5 month old baby and a 3 year old so visiting her has not been an option since kids came along. I see her once a year or less when she visits us but my house is very small and where I live is a bit dreary and boring.

For the past year or so she's been seeing a guy who has, by the sounds of it, a lot of money. He's offered to pay for me and the kids to go over and visit. I'd be staying with my sister who has a large apartment but who shares with another woman so we'd all sleep in her room. It's a lovely place, beside the beach, with a pool etc so it's sort of my only chance for a "holiday" per se.

My husband is slightly against the idea however. He doesn't like the thought of me and the kids travelling long haul and says he doesn't know my sisters new partner...doesn't like the idea that he's paying for our tickets etc. He considers that my sister is unreliable (she's only in her early 20's), would be worried about her driving with the kids on board. He can't afford to come with us, wouldn't accept this guy paying for his tickets (although he has offered - manly pride!) and also it would be awkward with him asleep on the sofa in my sisters apartment.

I appreciate and respect his concerns, indeed I would be apprehensive myself just from the point of view of all the stuff I would have to bring over, not being able to drive myself around and so on but I trust that my sister would not be dating anyone untrustworthy. They don't live together and nobody would be with my kids other than me. I try to think how I'd feel in the reverse situation (as in if OH wanted to visit family without me) and I suppose I wouldn't be that happy about it but different situation as I'm breastfeeding.

Anyway he says he''ll accept me going if I'm sure its the right thing but he's not very happy about it...if you see what I mean. He's not some sort of a control freak - just a worrier!

What do you think? AIBU to even consider going? Thanks

@UnicornBrexit

The only one of your points that makes any sense is point 4

Not being able to afford a long haul family holiday does not mean in an emergency the OP couldn't stick a flight on a credit card, or afford the £13 or so a weeks travel insurance costs, or provide spending money. I agree on the apartment thing though.

OP, is this a trip for your sister to see the kids, or to see you? If it's to see you, I'd leave the kids at home with DH and go by yourself - have some real quality time with DSis and not have to worry about grizzly jetlagged kids who won't even remember it in a few weeks.

I wouldn't be okay with my husband taking the kids where the set up was so ill-defined, the financial situation so precarious and totally reliant on the goodwill of someone I had never met.

I assume you would stay there two weeks for such a long distance. Likely your sister's flatmate would be annoyed by this. You don't know the woman in your sister's house share. Small apartment with children imposed on a stranger is verging on rude.

You haven't met her boyfriend and your sister is quite young so I would be uncomfortable accepting his money. He should pay for a visit for her to come to you if this is what she wants.

Honestly PP - You’ve never experienced jet lag flying from the UK to the US? And you’re puzzled that people would consider UK-US a long haul flight? Really?

No sherlock I haven't, and neither have DH or DD. I travel alot. Even trips like UK to Indonesia, UK to Asia, NZ to LA etc I've never had jet lag. I set my watch to destination time on the plane and sleep, eat etc to those times straight away. Then on landing go straight on the lash, have a skinfull then go to bed. It works 😂

With regards to long haul I think of that as 14hr plus but I guess that's just a matter of perception and others will have a different idea about that

Agree with pp who suggested just taking the baby.
Then save up and take a proper family holiday there in a few years when the kids are old enough to enjoy and remember the trip.

@Userplusnumbers - the OP says she has no money, people with no money don't generally rack up credit card debt for the sheer fun of it.

Staying in a shared apartment with a baby and toddler, just no. Not once do you mention the flatmate in that ramble, lovely for you and your sister I'm sure, but totally selfish towards the flatmate. I actually recently read a reddit post about this situation but from the flatmates perspective, it wasnt pretty.