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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take Dd 11 to meet online friend?

86 replies

MummyCool19 · 23/05/2019 21:19

Dd has met a girl on TikTok around 4 months ago. Iv been following their friendship since day 1. She FaceTimes her in the living room etc and Iv heard their conversations. The girl lives in Birmingham and it’s aboht 20 min train ride away. Dd has been begging to meet her so im thinking about taking her. Obviously I will stay with her 100% of the time, but am I crazy for doing yhis😩

OP posts:

HalfBloodPrincess · 23/05/2019 21:22

Why not? If you’re supervising then it’s no different than her going out with any other friend really.

Will she also have a parent with her?

Mummabear12345567889 · 23/05/2019 22:06

I think it's a really good idea. You're encouraging an open relationship with her. She will feel more able to talk to you about her online activity which is so important. I'm assuming you talk to her about online safety too.

InACheeseAndPickle · 23/05/2019 22:10

I don't see the issue if you'll be going with her. Banning her is more likely to encourage secrecy. This way you know what's going on and you're there to make sure DD is safe.

bridgetreilly · 23/05/2019 22:10

It's perfectly fine to go. Arrange to meet in a public place, make sure you've all decided in advance what you will do and for how long, and then stick to it. Ideally, the other child would also bring a parent who you could meet as well.

ClashCityRocker · 23/05/2019 22:12

It sounds all fully supervised so I don't see why not. Can you facetime the other parent too?

More to make sure you're both aware of the arrangements etc than anything else.

speakout · 23/05/2019 22:14

Users of Tiktok need to be 13 or over.

Personally I think you are crazy.

I wouldn't be teaching my child that it's OK to meet people you chat to online.

nwybhs · 23/05/2019 22:15

I wouldn't be encouraging this kind of thing at 11 years old. If you accept online friending and meet ups now you give yourself a problem when she is 14/15/16 and thinks it's ok to go meet random strangers alone. She shouldn't be using apps that are for 13 plus, your condoning that is minimising yet again the risk of online strangers.

Patroclus · 23/05/2019 22:17

If you're going with her whats the issue? I'd probably have appreciated it at that age actually, 3 people much less awkward than 2 on a first meeting.

tobypercy · 23/05/2019 22:17

What a great opportunity to talk about good and bad ways to meet someone in real life who you originally met online.

Some of my best friends I originally made online.

Do it.

Starlight456 · 23/05/2019 22:17

Tbh at 11 this would not be happening. My Ds ( 12) is taught you have no idea who anyone is online .

I worry this message has been missed

BarbedBloom · 23/05/2019 22:18

I would. I made an online friend at that age and we are still friends now and I am 37. But just make sure you are with her at all times, it is a public place and she gets no unsupervised access to Tik tok. You don't want her thinking that this person is ok so others are too

nwybhs · 23/05/2019 22:21

Wow, how did 11 year olds meet online in 1993? I am slightly older and hadn't even heard of the internet, let alone had access to meet people!

CloudPop · 23/05/2019 22:24

Also intrigued about meeting online in 1993!

Wincarnis · 23/05/2019 22:34

Chatrooms were around in 1993...AOL..Compuserve... etc. lots of people made friends in that way!

nwybhs · 23/05/2019 22:36

I'm mind blown. No one at all that I knew or know of throughout my entire school and home life had access to these.

PantTwizzler · 23/05/2019 22:39

My 11yo hasn’t even heard of TikTok (neither have I). Plenty of time for online involvement leading to meet-ups when she’s (far) older, surely?

BrieAndChilli · 23/05/2019 22:40

I’m 38 and didn’t use a ‘chat room’ until I went to uni!!

DD is 10 and has tiktok but she’s not allowed to follow/be followed by anyone she’s not friends with in real life. There’s plenty of ways for her to meet people, she doesn’t need to take the risk of online friends being not what they seem or being used to groom her.

BrieAndChilli · 23/05/2019 22:42

This says MSN messenger came out in 1999.

Grotesque · 23/05/2019 22:45

I would allow it, with certain rules and boundaries in place. I would also chat about online safety, accessing age appropriate social media etc.

I got access to the internet age 10. Unrestricted & unsupervised. I saw/read a lot of stuff I shouldn't have at that age. But I also met some really great people from all walks of life that I am still friends with now! I met my best friend on neopets in 2001 and didn't meet her IRL until 2015.

Traveller104 · 23/05/2019 22:47

ICQ was a well used chat room platform in 1996, I made quite a few online friends that way.

nwybhs · 23/05/2019 22:48

By 96 I had heard of the net but still didn't have access.

MuddlingMackem · 23/05/2019 22:51

YANBU.

DH and I have met up with people we've got to know online, so we've always said to the DC that meeting up isn't a problem, but that as children they need to have an adult with them if they want to. There has been no opportunity for this yet, but both kids are fine with it.

MoreHairyThanScary · 23/05/2019 22:58

I can remember using chat rooms at uni 94-95 ish

Wildorchidz · 23/05/2019 22:58

Have you made sure that the other child will have an adult with them?

Wildorchidz · 23/05/2019 22:59

I can remember using chat rooms at uni 94-95

But you were not 11.
My mind is boggling here.

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