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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner potentially moving 500 miles away

4 replies

Wolfie26 · 23/05/2019 19:25

Have name changed for this as potentially outing. I discovered by complete accident that my partner of 3 years is looking at another job almost 500 miles away, although still in the same country. I could not follow him there as I have shared custody of my son and would never dream of leaving him or taking him away. My partner knows this.

The job is his dream job (although I feel sooner or later it would more him but I would never tell him that). It's very early days and he hasn't been invited to an interview yet. I would love for him to get it but at the same time the thought of him leaving has completely crushed me. Deep down, I would probably love for him to not want it instead and for him to love me enough to stay but I know if he is offered it, he will take it. I'm not sure if I could cope with long distance. He had a long distance relationship with his ex after uni and he had an affair, I haven't even asked him if he would want that or if he would rather just move on completely but from my perspective, I think it would be difficult.

I am now left to face a long, drawn out wait to see if he is successful, and if so another long wait for him to leave (notice period alone is 3 months). AIBU to consider ending it now rather than put myself through so much potential pain? We work together so even if I do end it now I won't really be able to escape it. It's just so bloody hard. I want him to be happy and successful and follow his dreams and I want to support him every step of the way but it's breaking my heart.

OP posts:
Chamomileteaplease · 23/05/2019 19:29

Well if he moved of course that would be very difficult for you but as you said yourself he hasn't even been offered an interview yet.

I would hold your horses, try to calm down and see how it all unfolds.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 23/05/2019 19:32

Surely you’d be better discussing what his plans were regarding this job? Or did you find out by accident?

If he’s only planning on using the job as a step up and is able to do work from homes etc and is willing to travel back every weekend it’s more than do-able. Several of my friends have done this for a year or so, yes it’s hard but it can work for some. You infer you wouldn’t trust him so that’s slightly more worrying than the trialling long distance.

Wolfie26 · 23/05/2019 19:46

I found out by accident. He left the job description up on the iPad. We have spoken about it but he hasn't thought that far ahead as he thinks it's unlikely he will get the job. I personally think he would have a very good chance. I could do short term long distance but we would be looking at a minimum of 10 years realistically. I have always trusted him 100% but his past in this exact situation does make me feel uneasy.

OP posts:
RhiWrites · 23/05/2019 19:53

I would say the issue is that he’s exploring this without talking to you about it. After three years shouldn’t he share his thoughts about something this important?

Maybe he’s already checked out of the relationship. Or maybe he’s just looking at options. But it seems as though he’s not considering you in this.

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