Background info ... I'm 40, single and have three dc who are currently 16,19 and 21.
I have been a single parent since they were 3,6 and 8, and not really had any proper relationships to speak of, and that was fine, they were my priority. Two of the dc have also had/have mental health issues and so I have always put that before anything else too, ie jobs etc. They needed me around a lot, and I wanted to be there for them too.
In the last couple of years I have tried to get more of a life for myself, and finally, I have that, and I love it, and the kids all seem fine with it too.
Now for the apparently selfish part. I want to move away to Cornwall/Devon (I live in the West Midlands), and I have done for some time. It is something I have thought about a lot and I know that it's something I would regret if I didn't do it.
My plan is to spend the next 5 years putting things in place for this to happen. I have just started a new job in an role that should mean I can always get work in any area in the future, and I did this, with a move in mind.
We live in a housing association house and so I could do a swap or privately rent. It would depend on a few different factors.
In 5 years time, my dc will be 26, 24 and 21. Eldest will have been to uni and hopefully have a good job and her own/shared place.
Middle child will hopefully have also either finished uni by then or be doing something, and will be living with her boyfriend (she already does most of the time).
Youngest is a bit of a grey area, he would have finished education, but no idea what he might be doing.
Yes, I would essentially be getting rid of the family home, but they would all be welcome to move with me if they wanted to, so i'd not exactly be making them homeless and they would know well in advance that this was happening.
All 3 dc already know that this is what I want to do and so far all have said that they wouldn't want to move with me and would all find their own places.
They don't seem to be annoyed with the plan, although i'm wondering if that's because they think it will never happen.
The issue is that other people seem horrified by this and have pretty much said how selfish I am. Several people have actually said 'you can't do that'. When I ask why i can't, they say because of the dc.
They will all be grown up by then and as I said above, will have the opportunity to come with me if they want to.
My elder brother is 44 and still lives with my dad. My dad has always put him first when he has considered moving and as a result has never gone. He had the chance to buy a place in France, where my aunt and uncle were living at one point when my brother was in his 30's and didn't because 'it wasn't fair' on my brother. My brother works full time and could have easily afforded his own place.
I think my dad should have done what he wanted to do and I wouldn't have considered it selfish at all.
So, am I being selfish to be planning this ?? Should I stay put until all of my kids are well and truly moved out and set up on their own ?