To think some adults and kids have inappropriately high self esteem?

[clairemcnam]

There always seems to be a focus on whether issues are caused by low self esteem, but some adults and kids have inappropriately high self esteem. Inappropriately high self esteem causes issues such as -

"Research from psychologist Roy Baumeister shows criminals have higher self-esteem than the general population. Baumeister and colleagues explain, “When large groups of people differ in self-esteem, the group with higher self-esteem is generally the more violent one.” "

"Researchers have found that self-esteem is positively associated with narcissism. People who rely on others' view of them become angry when their self-image is insulted or threatened. This idea is related to narcissistic injury. When people discover other people do not view them as they wish to be viewed, it can result in aggression."

And can also lead to a fear of failure.

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/after-service/201703/is-your-self-esteem-too-high-be-successful

But what if you believe you are fundamentally a good person, but you are not?
I think my former boss was like this. Did a lot of charity work, had an MBE for it, but acted like a monster to anyone they saw as inferior to them.

It's more a case of low self esteem and gigantic ego I'd say.
Self is esteem is healthy isn't it?

That's a good point claire probably self awareness is needed as well and a desire to improve yourself. I think anyone who thinks they're great and have nothing to improve might be the kind with "inappropriate high self esteem" that OP is referring to.

The title really made me laugh out loud (out of nowhere). I know exactly what you're talking about. May have spent the afternoon with one such child...

Yes the world is full of people who think they are "good" people but have no self- awareness.

Our self-esteem is about worth and values. If you fundamentally value intelligence and you are perceived as being intelligent you will have high self-esteem. If you value power then you will act to become or seem more powerful... The more others respond to this the higher your self-esteem becomes. "Good" self-esteem may occur in those who value/need to be seen as for example, altruistic or kind. "Bad" self-esteem may occur in those who value/need to be seen as powerful, strong, ambitious.

Interesting thread. OP you referenced some psychological theories, have you heard of humanistic psychology? It's an entire field dedicated to encouraging self esteem. Carl Rogers said only people who's "self image" and "ideal self" are congruent can become fully functioning people and achieve self-actualisation. The approach also believes people are basically good - high self esteem only makes a person selfish or aggressive or whatever if they believe those behaviours are helpful.

So I think high self esteem helps people to become a truer version of themselves that's not dampened by self-doubt and the criticisms of others. & people with high self esteem are much happier.

If everyone had high self esteem people would stand by their convictions and that could cause more conflicts, but I think the world would still be a happier place overall.

People with ultra-low self esteem aren't "good" - they are infuriating and passive-agressive. Saying they don't mind a bit what choice is made and later revealing that the choice that was made was worst for them. Of worse, actively choosing the thing they don't want because they don't want to risk having pleasure in something that isn't someone else's choice. They are really difficult to have any kind of open of honest relationship with.

I would like my DD to esteem herself to an accurate level.

For some reason your post made me think of this quote. It’s so true, I love it 🤣

I know someone who thinks they are the bees knees and any rules do not apply to them. Pretty sure they have a personality disorder. Their demeanour can change from sweetness and light to Bilbo Baggins after his precious in a nanosecond. They are scary and widely disliked.

They are not happier. They don't appear to have any friends as a result of their behaviour.

That would be because arrogance is a symptom of antisocial personality disorders. So is violent behaviour. The arrogance doesn’t cause the violence. It’s coincidental.

The arrogance may not cause the violence. But in general people who are very arrogant do seem to think that ordinary rules do not apply to them.

Self-acceptance brings higher self esteem. I am, in no particular order, a fat idle swine, a reasonable parent and partner, an excellent grandfather, a competent HGV driver, and a good rough cook. Mind you, the tramadol helps enormously.