Should I delete FB friend

[BecauseIcould]

My DP has asked me to delete a friend on FB, he doesn't know this friend (male) but said he just feels uneasy about our friendship so has asked if out of respect for his feelings would I delete said friend. He isn't being pushy or nasty about it he just asked and I said no which he accepted, but it got me thinking AIBU for not respecting his feelings.

For clarification FB friend is not actually a friend as such belongs to the same sporting club as me so only contact we have is the odd chat whilst there along with other members and I suppose if I bumped into him whilst out and about we'd say Hi but probably nothing more.

No I wouldn't but mine wouldn't ask. It's me he trusts, not other people.

If you delete one innocent, hardly spoken too male and he asks you to delete someone else and you say no because he's being ridiculous. He'll just start to do his own head in that you would delete one but not another.

I'd have a proper chat with him about why he's asking rather than just blindly obeying.

Tell him you will if he deletes all female non relatives from his - out of respect to you !

Red flag though !

Respect for his feelings

What a dick.

I would tell him to fuck off.

YANBU

Do you have to delete all male friends or just this one? It’s a bit controlling really.

Gosh I can’t imagine my DH noticing or caring who I was friends with on FB, I’ve got tonnes of male friends on there, ex colleagues, people involved in a hobby I do, friends husbands etc etc etc

He's told you he's told you his feelings and you are ignoring them. If it were reversed how would you feel ? Talk about this some more and then make a decision. Don't just be obstinate without a really good reason, ie on principle. Partnerships are about respecting both parties views, and being on the same team.

I'd want to know more about why this particular male makes him feel uneasy if the contact you have with him is so minimal.

If it's because he knows something about him you don't for example a crime he's committed or some other plausible 'unease' I'd be receptive to his request.

If it's just because the bloke in question is funny/witty/attractive then that's more about insecurity and trust than having your best interests at heart and I'd ignore the request and be wary for other controlling requests that seem innocent when seen in isolation.

He's told you he's told you his feelings and you are ignoring them.

OP hasn't ignored. OP has asked for advice. However, it's not normal to have to delete friends on Facebook; unless a serious history, to suit someone else's jealousy.

If it were reversed how would you feel ? Talk about this some more and then make a decision.

Don't just be obstinate without a really good reason, ie on principle.

Obstinate? Surely not. OP has the right to not be controlled.

Partnerships are about respecting both parties views, and being on the same team.

Indeed they are. But the 'view' that one person should be able to tell the other what to do because of their absolutely unjustified 'feelings' is not respectful. It's quite the opposite and often a subtle start to an abusive situation.

No partner should ever ask another to ditch friends or acquaintances.

You should trust each other.

That's the bottom line there.

I would consider it highly inappropriate if my OH asked me to do something like that and, vice versa, I'd never ask him to do anything of the sort either.

Fuck, no! It’s the boyf you need to de “friend”.

Why does he feel uneasy about your friendship? That would annoy me, he is implying there's a trust issue. Shouldn't matter how he feels about the male friend as long as he trusts you.

YANBU.

No way should you even think of it.
What about respecting your feelings?
You have a right to any friend you want .
He needs to accept that.
Is he controlling or jealous ?
I would be very wary.

Is this friend the only male friend you have on Facebook (other than relatives or mutual friends, with your DP)? If not, I wonder what it is about this specific friend that is bothering him. Have you asked him why?

He did once make a remark about thinking this man liked me but this was quite a while back and he has never said this again so I can only assume it is this insecurity that this request has come from.

I wouldn't do it. My partners jealousy and unease are his to deal with. I'm not going to do his emotional labour for him. You can respect someone's feelings without having to do what they want.

He’s being a dick - why the need to control who you’re facebook friends with?

Blimey, my DH has got loads of female friends on FB, mostly to do with his hobby. Doesn't bother me one bit, because I trust him.

Trouble is, if you do it and delete this person, what will his next request be? That you stop your hobby? Start working with only females? Don't take public transport in case there are men on it? Online shop so you never have to see a man in public? It's a slippery slope OP.

Wow, my comment has been picked apart. I'm honoured.

Advice was asked for and that was mine.

In that case, no I wouldn't. If he knew something bad about this man, or had heard him comment about you in some way that was construed as inappropriate I could (at a push) understand him advising you to be wary of friendship with him. This just seems like pure jealousy, though.

IWow, my comment has been picked apart.

Hardly a surprise, given that your comment was to consider the feelings of this dickhead.

I'm honoured.

Don't be. I picked it apart because it was shit.

Advice was asked for and that was mine.

Enable a jealous prick to control you? Great advice

Do you know what made him think the man likes you? Does he know the man himself not just through you? Has he ever asked anything else of you that you would consider at all controlling?

If my DP thought another guy had less than honourable intentions I'd listen to his point of view but wouldn't delete off Facebook (and he wouldn't ask me to).