Should I be this tired or is there something wrong with me?

[Dontforgettoscreamatthebear]

SAHM for a little while, 14 month DS

DS does wake every 2 hoursish but this feels good really after every 20 mins for months when he was younger. We go to groups etc most mornings which he loves and then housework and dog walking in the afternoons while he plays.

My DH even helps with the cooking quite often if it's not something I can completely prepare beforehand (ie a chilli I can cook in the afternoon, something that is better fresh I can chop and prepare ahead but he might cook it while I feed DS and do bath and bed etc)

We don't have family nearby and DH away a lot so I guess I don't get breaks at such but I absolutely love being at home and feel so happy and grateful I don't mind.

The problem is I really struggle with feeling so tired. It doesn't stop us going out and I still get everything that needs doing done (generally, I'm not suggesting my house is a show home!) but I've started to rely on coffee which I never used to drink and feel like I need it to be able to talk properly to people. Sometimes I wish I could just sleep all day for a day!

We have had some other health worries lately (not me) and maybe it's taken it's toll emotionally but I'm not the affected one so I feel it shouldn't impact me this much although I do feel I carry the health responsibility checking everyone has taken what they need, got their appointments etc

I did lose quite a bit of weight (still bf and another reason I try to be careful with coffee, I only have one or two a day carefully timed for maximum benefit!) but it's been the same for a while now

I don't mean to be an ungrateful cow but feel like I'd be a better mum and wife if I had a bit more about me but I feel like the engine has just run out of petrol and it's making that chugging noise when I turn the key in the ignition!

Is this a GP one or will it just get better when DS sleeps more one day? We're thinking of another but I worry my body won't give a growing baby all it needs

To be clear - I know I'm very lucky and there are single mums struggling with several children, long hours at work, SEN etc

That's why I don't know why I'm so tired when I've got it easy!

I’d have felt close to death if my child slept so badly for so long. I’d seriously get the sleeping sorted before having another child.
Can you nap with him in the afternoons?

No wonder you are tired. You aren't getting enough sleep. You probably aren't falling into a deep sleep or REM.

Of course you're going to be knackered waking up every two hours a night. That's like having a newborn!!

At 14 months, it's probably time to night wean your baby and get your DH to get up with him in the night the times that he can to let you get some sleep. Or he takes him out in the day the days he's home and you catch up on some much needed rest then.

The sleep deprivation is tough , especially when it continues past 12 months. My son is 18m and wakes several times a night , I feel exactly as you do some days , like I've just got nothing to give. It sounds pretty normal to me buy perhaps ask your gp to order a blood test if you're worried.

He wakes every 2 hours? I'd be dead on my feet quite honestly. You must get some naps when he is asleep.

How you are feeling is perfectly normal. Night weaning may well not stop the waking either. I have 2 DDs, both were bad sleepers and my lifestyle sounds similar to yours. What helped was to accept that some kids don’t sleep, enjoy the coffee, be kind to myself and realise it’s ok to be tired, not put pressure on myself to do anything than stay hygienic and fed. And not try a zillion different techniques to try to get baby to sleep, if it was that easy there wouldn’t be a multi million(?) pound market in sleep books. He will get there eventually.

So, you haven't had a deep sleep for 14 months? You must be absolutely and utterly knackered. I'd be rocking in a corner.

How much weight have you lost in what space of time?

It’s not helpful when people say they couldn’t cope in your situation, I found. It’s not like you have any choice! So I repeat, it’s normal to feel as you do in your circumstances, be kind to yourself while you do your best coping through it.

Without a shadow of doubt, I would be doing whatever I could to sleep train. (Let's face it, I would have done that months and months previous). Because, and I don't know any research on this, but it can't be good for your baby to never get a deep sleep either.

Where does he sleep? Are you getting up to go into a different room to settle him? DS didn't sleep through the night till 18 months but he did sleep for longer than two hours for some of it. I co-slept so I'd fall asleep again fairly quickly and didn't fully wake up.

It's miserable being so tired all the time.

You sound like an excellent wife and mother to me. Remember that your needs are as important as others, and ask for what you need, make sure you get some time doing the sort of things in life that are meaningful to you as well as caring (for instance creating, relaxing, writing, reading, socialising, studying or whatever is you).

My 7 mo wakes every 2-3 hours and I’m also really tired all the time! I think you get into sort of a routine with it after a while where you can function but just not operating a full service. You’re doing so well after 14 months of this shit! Plus even when my elder DD started sleeping through it’s still pretty tiring when they’re so small as you’re constantly on the alert to stop them licking the sockets or throwing themselves off the sofa or whatever. But if you’re worried about other things too do speak to the GP.

Please give yourself a break! Sleep deprivation is horrible. I would be wary of rushing into another pregnancy if you don't have to.

I ended up with 4.5 year gap between my two, and even then I nearly stopped at one child! DD1 was a screamer. She woke several times a night, had night terrors, very difficult to soothe. Poor DH practically wore a groove in the carpet walking up and down with her, and I fed her until she was 19 months. I then stopped feeding at night, but it made zero difference to how often she woke, unfortunately!

She did not sleep through until 2.5 years. It coincided with being potty trained, so maybe it was a developmental thing?

Anyway, we then braced ourselves to have another child, and DD2 was utterly different. Never fed to sleep, would settle calmly, slept well, preferred her cot!! If we'd had her first we'd have felt quite smug.....but really every child is different.

Honestly, get rested and healthy before you make such a big decision.

OP i could have wrote your post, but without the DH part. My DD 11mo does not sleep well, i have lost track of how mich she wakes in the night and i have tried everything possible to change this. I'm on my own and i feel like a zombie every day. i would pay good money for a decent nights sleep just for one night. It is exhausting. i have no advice, sorry. but you are not alone, its awful i know

much* bloody phone

That's rotten tink , hope things improve soon.

I'd suggest getting your bloods done at the GPs, including iron, B12, etc, just to make sure there's not another reason for being so tired, eg, you could be deficient in some mineral or vitamin, etc.

No wonder you’re tired. Night wean and then sleep train if you need to. Sleep is important, I think this school of thought that you should just battle through is damaging frankly.

Do you co-sleep? At his age, you don't need to fully awaken if he wants to nurse through the night so long as you are accessible. Neither does he, really. Unfortunately, breastmilk seems to go through kids as if it has zero calories so (unless you want to night wean) he will continue to wake for feeds (and then instantly zonk out even though you are still awake). More sleep would probably help with energy levels. x

My first wax like that 17 months of at most 90 consecutive minutes of sleep and then only three hours max to 22 months.

Worth getting baby checked for reflux or constipation. Ours slept ten hours three days after being out on Laxido having had lactulose for months.

I feel your pain and hope there’s a simple issue a GP can sort.

Thank you for these lovely replies! I expected to be told off for moaning when I have it easy, but that might come from next round of posters!

I had heard that we all wake several times in the night but just go back to sleep naturally without really realising, so thought maybe the regular wake ups weren't too detrimental. But I guess I am getting up to feed, settle etc and then trying to get back to sleep and it is quite jarring being woken all the time.

We did try co sleeping and it didn't work at first and then recently it did but the effect wore off quickly and didn't make much difference so I think we will consider sleep training now. DS often wakes, rolls around and seems to try and settle quietly for a while and eventually ends up screaming. He has a condition and although his consultant doesn't think he is in any pain I always worry it's a factor and that makes me hesitant to sleep train, although more recently he has been calmer and I think it's more likely just a baby thing and that he will benefit from more sleep.

On the other hand he settles himself for naps and bedtime and isn't fed to sleep, so I don't know if sleep training will help

It's so hard to know what's best.

For medical reasons we have decided to try now if we are going to have another DC so we are TTC from this month so I'll just have to go to bed very early etc if we do conceive and make the best of it

Don't be so hard on yourself OP. Sleep deprivation is awful.

Are you overweight?
Are you underweight?
Is your diet healthy with plenty of fresh veggies, good quality meats, adequate iron etc?
Are you a heavy drinker?
What time do you go to bed?
What time do you get up?
Are you getting any lie ins, time to yourself?
Are you laying awake waiting for your little one to wake?

All of these can and will make a difference.
It’s so tough being a parent.
Try to get dh to share the early morning/night waking with you over the weekend and see if one decent long lie in helps.

Try wearing out your dc with plenty of outdoor based exercise, running around after a ball, chasing bubbles, a walk along the beach, whatever works for you. Hopefully he will sleep better.

It does get better, honest it does.