To not want to see weight obsessed mother?

[FriendsForeverForNow]

My mum has been obsessed with weight since I was a little girl. So much so that she brings it up in every conversation :(. She mentions and makes fun of me of me if she notices I’ve gained weight. She praises me and mentions it excessively if I’ve lost weight which is uncomfortable. And now I need to go visit her for a family event and there is no escaping it. I’ve been worrying all week that I’m too fat (I’m a 6-8) and she will mention it.

Does anyone have experience with this and how do they deal with it? I feel so stressed about it.

Have you spoken to her about this OP? My DM sometimes goes on about weight too and I have no time for it so will either blatantly change the subject or say 'Can we please stop talking about weight? I don't care what anyone else weighs and my weight is my business'.

You could maybe warn her in advance that you are not interested in discussing the issue and will be avoiding her if she mentions it?

Bring duct tape and scissors. The moment she starts talking about your weight in any way at all, cut a length and slap it over her mouth. You will then have got the message across plain as day, and you will probably never have to see her again.

PS you don't have to slap it on hard, it's the gesture that matters.

My dad mentioned my post-baby jelly bellly 10 days after I'd given birth. He did it exactly once.

My mother is like this too, bangs on about her weight, my weight, my son’s weight and everybody else’s weight. It’s utterly tedious. Whilst I would like to tell her to fuck off she is ultra sensitive and will have a huge meltdown if challenged so I tend to just the subject immediately or refuse to engage and walk away. In general though I would recommend saying you don’t like it because she’s probably not really even aware she’s always on about it.

Yeah, my dad once said something about my weight. I told him never to make comment about my weight and I wasn’t going to be made uncomfortable in my own home. He never said anything about it again. I never usually say anything to my dad about anything so he was shocked.

Yes, you can escape it! No one puts a gun to your head and forces you to see her. You tell her, 'I'm not going to X because I am fed up to the back teeth of your comments about my weight. It's none of your business but until you can manage to refrain from commenting on it, we can't see each other.' And mean it.

No advice sorry but my mother is like this too. Every phone conversation we have had to include what she weighs that particular day and whether my siblings have lost or gained any weight since she last saw them. Utterly draining and stressful. I’m massively pregnant right now though so Christ knows what comments she thinks about my current size!
Only thing I’ve found that works a little bit is to not engage in the conversation and steer away from it as fast as possible, I’d try that unless you want to be more direct with her?

I'd be very tempted, I'm afraid to say, to say 'Would you please just SHUT THE FUCK UP MOTHER'. . . Because I think that might just about shut my mother up. But that is what it would take. Because she doesn't swear, and gets very upset if someone swears around her. Let alone to her.

Pointy; when you mentioned duct tape I thought you were about to suggest taping it around her stomach to make a point.
But what the hell op; you're a size 6 to 8 and she talks about your weight. that's awful. I am a size 16 and don't think I am fat. if anyone said anything about my size I would tell them to fuck off home but I suppose that's easier said than done.

Same. She likes to call me obese and say how ugly I look
I found calling her a weight obsessed cunt after she had a massive go about my weight/glasses/hair/ugliness got me 4 months of silence but I wouldn't recommend it
Otherwise just leave. "Sorry but please stop mentioning my weight, if you mention it again, I will leave"
Ignore the bad behaviour by leaving and when she is "behaving" then you reward her by you staying. It sucks I know

I found calling her a weight obsessed cunt after she had a massive go about my weight/glasses/hair/ugliness got me 4 months of silence but I wouldn't recommend it

But, but, but, you got FOUR months of silence! That's one heck of a recommendation in my book!

Would you please just SHUT THE FUCK UP MOTHER

Took the words right out of my mouth . Followed by 'I am sick to death of you banging on about my weight. Just stop it'

I’ve tried telling her in the past and she completely ignores it and makes a point to tell my siblings about the issue.

I think if I ever swore even in front of her shed be aghast. She doesn’t take any criticism well - even if it’s just “I don’t like when you mention my weight...”

Sad but not surprised others have faced this with their parents!

It was my father for me. He used to pat my thighs and tut. I keep a photograph of me sunbathing in a bikini at around 20 and 10/12 to remind me that I did have a good figure even if my self-esteem was fucked.

I suspect my mother would rather be skeletal than happy. It's far from a modern thing - she was born in the late 1930s, pressured to have that 1960s look back in the day as a young wife and mother.

I rarely saw her eat.

I feel sorry for her generation, and ours, and our daughters'. But talking about it has got to be one of the best ways of breaking the cycle of the pressures around food and appearance.

My mother does understand it on an intellectual level, at least, just not a visceral one.

The devil in me wants to tell you that as soon as you arrive and before she has chance to say anything do a mock horror gasp and loudly exclaim 'My goodness Mother now I know who ate all the pies- you really have packed the pounds on' then pinch her cheek and say how much you love her podgy cheeks and then breezily waltz off. Get in there first, and hard!

However, in reality you are best taking a deep breath and changing the subject. If it does upset you, maybe you should say that you don't like talk of your weight issues and that you find it very upsetting.

Not just you @OP. My mother is the same and I’m a size 8.

I’ve tried telling mine only to be told I’m over sensitive - her go-to response if I ever stand up for myself.

She’s less inclined to mention it lately though. I suspect it’s because I’ve become pretty good at calmly rejecting her comments and changing the subject. “Oooh, you’re looking a bit soft around the edges! Have you been eating too many sweets again? Careful!” Me: “Nonsense. Pass the salt.”

It’s shit and her criticism wears me down at times but it’s not about me. Your mother’s comments are not about you either.

I would do something along the lines of tardys suggestion. Say “gosh mother your looking bonnie” and slap her arse.

I think if I ever swore even in front of her shed be aghast. She doesn’t take any criticism well - even if it’s just “I don’t like when you mention my weight...”

You don't have to pander to this. If she kicks off and makes a fuss, you can walk out and refuse to engage with her until she apologises and promises not to do it again. She will do it again, because it's a habit, but each time you simply say, 'We're not having this conversation' and if she kicks off, walk out, refuse to engage until she apologises. And repeat until she finally learns that she does not get to have her way all the time.