How old is too old?

[myfingersarenotsogreen]

To let a child wee in a public place?

DD is almost 6 but she still struggles to make it through the school run without needing the toilet. We have had advice from the doctor and have a arrangement with her teacher that she is sent to the loo at the end of the day. However we have a walk home of about a mile and a half which takes about 30 minutes with buggy and scooter.

There are no public loos between school and home, but lots of trees and bushes. It is very busy at that time though, mainly teenagers puring out of a large secondary school. Until she was 4 I just used to take her to wee by the bushes, since she turned 5 I have been reluctant to do this but she is in such a lot of discomfort and is often wet by the time she reaches home.

AIBU to say she is too old for a al-fresco wee?

If she says no, can we hold it? We had a "wee tree" in our front garden which got occasionally used when they were bursting at the end of the school run and couldn't wait for me to get to the front door and unlock it (they used to run ahead for the last 200m). Think they used that til 7 or 8.

She, not we

Have you established that she is actually having a wee at the end of the day at school? Some kids have a real aversion to school toilets (to be fair they are generally absolutely revolting places!).

Also is she going every 30 minutes at school/at home every day - if so that’s a definite requirement for a urology referral. If not it’s more than likely she’s been hanging on all day & that’s the problem that needs solving.

I think 6 is too old to be weeing outside. 3/4 max really. Unless you’re on a long walk in the hills or something obviously.

Can she not hold it for 30 minutes in other circumstances or is it just the school run? Is she actually using the loo at school? I used to have a real fear of public toilets and all through primary school I would rather wet myself than use the toilets there

Thanks for the replies. She doesn’t need to go every 30 mins and goes a few hours between visits most of the time but once she feels the need she finds it really hard to hold on. I she sometimes rushes her visit at school because she doesn’t want to miss anything.

You can’t leave her in pain and discomfort so absolutely yes, until it’s resolved let her go behind a bush. Be discreet about it with her. Hope you can get it sorted for her soon.

If you suspect she's missing the agreed end of school toilet, I would ask the school to go in at end of day and wait for her to do the toilet. See if that helps.

I have 2 boys 10 and 5 and if we go for a long walk somewhere there are no toilets then its guaranteed one of them will need the toilet. Not a chance I'm trying to get them to hold it to walk back from where ever we are, or letting the youngest get wet (the oldest could hold it). Find a spot where no one can see 🤷‍♀️ it's just a pee.

If it's behind a bush it's not in public! I still do it myself sometimes if I'm on a hike! Is 40 too old?!

My son is 3 and a half and I've never let him do it. I don't like it at all

From my point of view if she really can't hold it then it's not the worst thing in the world but I would be doing everything I can to encourage her not to need it.
Make sure she can go for a proper unrushed wee before leaving school. If that means going back in before you leave make arrangements with the school that this is ok, do this. We actually had to get DS to read something or sing a little song so that he sat long enough to make sure he did all of his wee as he often said he'd completely done it as he was in a rush to leave so we'd have an accident part way home.
Make sure you push for all the investigations but try not to stress her out about it as that can actually compound the problem. Also make sure she drinks enough (not too much just enough) sounds counter intuitive but constipation and urine infections can make things worse so it's good to make sure she has enough fluids to keep things running smoothly.

If there was any privacy there would be no problem. Everyone uses bushes when out on long hikes! The touble is although it is a leafy area its pretty open and very crowded. We share our route home with over 1000 teenagers and I can imagine some of them making nasty comments. I think I confused things saying bushes and trees, it not a street or someones garden but theres no real cover.

3 years old, except for on hikes. I think over 3 is too old if someone is likely to see.