Single friends moan now we are married are a boring couple???

[justasking111]

We got married, mortgage and money worries meant we could only go out on a Friday for a couple of hours. We were actually happy in each others company, doing up a house, working in the garden, planning a future which included our first baby which when born we fell off the planet for a time. Single friends thought we were uber boring. Did this happen to anyone else. Only remembered it because friends are moaning that Prince Harry is henpecked now married and a dad.

Should we have made more of an effort to be sociable and lived more of a singles life even if it no longer appealed??

My beef is that it is the woman who is blamed when a couple withdraw from the social whirl due to economical circumstances or just the natural consequence of being a couple.

It just sounds very 1950s -- do you and your partner socialise in deeply gendered ways, and does the male part of the group subscribe to the idea that marriage is some kind of ball and chain?

I mean, there are obvious reasons why you wouldn't socialise as much if you're barely paying a mortgage, or have a small child and no babysitters, but it seems a bit arbitrary to associate those with marriage as such.

No one actually knew we'd got married until years later, so presumably we weren't exhibiting any 'withdrawal from the social whirl'. When we had a baby, with no local night time childcare, the main difference was that we started having to socialise separately.

Baskerville, you are saying this attitude no longer exists then?

wondering why you are so bothered about it

when I bought, I was doing 2 jobs and had a similar time frame and amount of money to you. Yes, I had some "acquaintances" say I was really boring and "no one tries to save up again after they've put down a deposit"

not sure I know a few of them now, but one of them freely admits he was being foolish and apologised for his comments. I suppose it depends really how close you are.

I'm probably the wrong person to ask, as I frequently come across attitudes on Mn which are presented as normal but which I find utterly bizarre, such as the idea that you 'naturally' drop all your opposite sex friends when you enter a committed relationship.

But I haven't come across that 'marriage is a ball and chain for men' attitude in my own life, no. I'm in my mid-40s, not from the UK, have lived in quite a few countries.

I now live in rural England, and find the people I've met locally very conservative about gender roles.

Baskerville - we live in rural Wales perhaps it is a regional thing. Interesting thought. That wouldn`t explain why Harrys mates think he is boring though, although they themselves perhaps live in an insular old fashioned bubble. mmm... food for thought.

Do you also have a fat friend who worries that you don't eat enough?
No, nothing like what you described ever happened to me. But then I am spectacularly boring.

I think it depends what you mean. Obviously you shouldn't go out and spend money you don't have but if you are suddenly unavailable to your friends (even for nights in or chats on the phone) then they'll probably stop seeing you as good friends. When you have a baby naturally you'll have less time but it's still important to take an interest in friend's lives - even if it's just a WhatsApp chat about how their date went etc.

Sometimes though you can do everything right and the change of circumstances mean the friendship fizzles out. You realise that the friendship was based on nights out, hung over mornings chatting about drunken antics and men you met etc. When that doesn't happen any more you realise you have nothing more substantial in common.

"hen pecked" what a stupid sexist phrase

Arya perhaps you would prefer "Petticoat governed"