Pushy parent?

[Daytimetellysucks]

Namely, my DH

My daughter (14) is horse mad and has been riding for years.

For a few years, until fairly recently, she had a pony on loan but she got too big for him, so a few months ago we were lucky enough to be able to find her her own pony.

She had been doing a lot of local pony club-type competitions and shows with her loan - she likes the cross country/jumping type stuff and they did really well together.

We’ve had the new pony a few months now, it’s going well but DD wants to stick with hacking and schooling while they get to know each other and build up that bond. She wants to have a go at western style riding as well

DH is being a complete pushy parent over it - he wants her to get back into the shows and competitions straight away, then throws ‘oh, we bought you a horse’ at her every time she doesn’t want to do something he suggests

He has a trailer licence and used to take her out and about so they spent a lot of time together - I get that he enjoyed it and misses it. He drives her to the yard before school and every evening to feed/muck out, and stuff like that, goes for miles on his bike with her if there’s no one for her to hack out with.

DD is so grateful and realises how lucky she is and really doesn’t want to upset her Dad, but he needs to back off and let her decide what she wants to do with her pony

We had words last night - he brought up a show that’s on at the weekend that DD has already said several times she doesn’t want to do and she lost her rag with him and now he’s not happy that she shouted at him

I don’t know how to get through to him

Is there a local riding club? (I'm a committee member of our local RC so maybe I'm biased!) - if there is one that admits junior members this could be a good way for your DD and DH to meet in the middle. We run a lot of training sessions including show-jumping based on what height you want to do, XC-type training, flat/dressage training etc. We also run some very low-level competitive-but-not-that-competitive fairly relaxed events where everyone knows everyone and there's a lot of fun involved. A lot of members bring young ponies to school them round with no pressure.

Could be a way for DH to get back behind the wheel of the trailer and take DD out, and also a way for DD to have some lessons/practice in a very relaxed environment to continue getting to know her new pony?

There is a riding club, but it’s over 16s

DD was desperate to join last year as they were doing hunter trials.

She likes show jumping, loves XC, but hates dressage

Your daughter sounds just like me! I grew up with horses, and competed nationally a youngster. I loved the SJ & XC, but dressage was just not my thing (I found it really boring...)

Your daughter is right, she needs to bond with the horse. She needs to be able to trust him implicitly and him her. If he's been around the block and knows his stuff, this should be relatively easy, and small local shows are an ideal way to do this. Maybe she could take him along and just do some Clear round (if they do it?), or perhaps just warm him up there. They may then allow a late entry if the class isn't full and she feels comfortable?

I totally understand her fear about falling off in front of people etc too, but honestly it happened to the best of us. I remember doing a huge XC event and fell off in the water jump. I was mortified, but soon saw the funny side of it. I've fallen off in front of members of the Royal Family, I've jumped the wrong course in a major competition, there are so many stories I could relay.

Maybe she's just a little fearful of how he's going to behave in public which is normal. Best advice I can give is don't push her too hard, but give her the opportunity to go along with him with no pressure to compete.