To ask for non medication anxiety survival tips?

[goodluckandgodspeed]

I’ve had anxiety and depression and ptsd since my daughter was born over three years ago. She wasn’t very well when she was born which resulted in an extended NICU stay and her birth unfortunately coincided with some other traumatic events which individually would have been ok but put together at that time were extremely stressful.
I’ve always considered myself to be a ‘coper’ but I went totally to pieces for the first two years. I’ve never had any medication, dh was totally against it, but I’ve had quite a lot of talking therapy / counselling.
Largely I don’t feel depressed anymore but I still feel anxious. In the day it’s mainly background anxiety that only really hits me strongly if something happens or if I’m doing something new or that I haven’t done in ages. For example I got the train somewhere this week on my own (something normal people do easily) which I hadn’t done since before dd was born and the lead up to that made me really anxious even though it was fine when I was there.
So I can kind of drag myself through the day if I keep busy.
But early mornings are dreadful. I wake up every day with a huge surge of anxiety that makes me feel like I can’t breathe and it doesn’t really lift until mid morning. It’s the first thing I feel when I open my eyes and it seems to be getting worse. Then it lifts during the day and comes back a little in the evening but is still manageable.

Does anyone have any strategies for calming it down? I’ve read that first thing in the morning is a common time for the anxiety to be at its peak. Id really really really like it to go now. I don’t know whether some of it’s my age as well. I’m 36 and I don’t know if hormones aren’t helping me? I’ve started to feel really anxious about running out of time. All of a sudden it feels like there’s no time left and I haven’t achieved anything with my life. That’s pretty much my first thought on opening my eyes in the morning!

I can’t help but I struggle with anxiety too and have been depression in the past. It got worse for me when my DS was born even though his birth was straightforward. No advice, you’re not alone though!

I've recently been trying out meditation and mindfulness, and I'm finding it really useful. I don't really experience high levels of anxiety, but have done in the past, and I work with students with anxiety now. I'd recommend an app called Headspace as a nice starting point. There are some nice 2 or 3 minute breathing exercises to start with, which are really good for calming.

‘Dh was totally against it’
WHat do you think about it? It’s not your dh with anxiety, it’s you. You need to have your own opinion about the medication.

I posted yesterday about struggling to cope recently, although on different terms to you and some wonderful people advised for me to explore yoga and meditation. I’m not sure if it will help you but I want to pass on the lovely advice I’ve received.

My eldest spent 6 weeks in NICU after a traumatic birth so I also can relate on how stressful and worrisome that can be, I probably still haven’t dealt with that mentally but just wanted to show support

Meditating, having a good support system, sleep, not too much caffeine, eating a balanced diet.

CBT.
I did a 3x 2hrs anxiety course. I only agreed to it as it was a pre condition of being allocated a counsellor, had no enthusiasm, and didn't expect it to work.
It was life transforming.
It seemed ridiculously simple, but is simply effective.
It was in a group, but don't worry, you literally don't have to speak unless you choose to. Listening to other people with the same feelings turned out to be v useful.
In our area, arranged by the Wellbeing service, which you can refer yourself to.

I found CBT really helpful.

Also exercise.

Hope things are feeling better soon, it's exhausting.

The calm app. A 10 mns session first thing in the morning really helps.

Why does your 'D'H have any say in whether or not you take medication?

The stigma against medication for MH is ridiculous. It is used in conjunction with several other factors (therapy, exercise etc) and can be incredibly helpful. Would your 'D'H be deadset against a diabetic using insulin?

I know many, many people who have take medication for depression and anxiety and they think it is a lifesaver. I am not saying it works in every case, but you are clearly struggling years later- why are you doing it whilst not exploring every option.

Also, your DH sounds like a controlling jerk.

The headspace app is good for mindfulness.

Maybe have a chat with your gp? About cbt & medication as possibilities. It can't hurt.

My dc2 was in nicu only for a few days after birth and when I look back, it was so awful. Can only imagine how tough things were for you

Another vote here for yoga and meditation. The downdog app is fantastic for yoga and insight timer app has lots of free meditations.

The thing that stands out most about your post is 'dh was against it'. What on earth does that mean??

I was in a similar situation, didn't recognise it at the time, with time I've processed it and am now ok but I would seriously recommend going to the gp. That's what I would do now.

I’ve never had any medication, dh was totally against it,

⤴️ this is the line that jumped out at me, OP.

If your DH doesn't suffer anxiety then he has no right to even have an opinion about medication.

Is he always this controlling?

Someone very close to me suffers from anxiety. Its crippling and extremely debilitating. Go and talk to your GP to discuss your options.

Sending you strength and good wishes

Agree your husband’s opinion on medication is completely and utterly irrelevant here. When I was suffering at my worst, medication really helped me climb out of a deep dark hole, it gave me a little space to be able actually to use all the techniques I’d learned in therapy. The combination of the two were key for me. I expect if you’ve done a lot of therapy you’ll already have a lot of coping techniques in your armoury, you’re just not able to use them at the moment.

Otherwise it’s all the usual suspects - daily morning mindfulness meditation (the Headspace app was a lifesaver in getting started with this/making it a habit), yoga, drinking enough water, improving diet, getting outside every day. Keeping my home environment decluttered and organised, developing and sticking to daily routines (or trying to), taking care of myself in terms of me time/personal hygiene etc. Also blood tests showed I was vitamin d deficient amongst other things so taking some supplements has helped energy (and therefore mood and anxiety). Start small and build on habits and components slowly. And recognise even the smallest acheivements you make without criticising yourself for not managing to do it all, all of the time.

But sod that your husband is against medication, it’s not for him. It’s for you. If you were diabetic and he thought you shouldn’t take medication for that would you listen to him? What do you want?

You can get highly effective CBT courses online that are approved by NHS.

Many maternity units also offer a birth debriefing service where you can sit with a midwife and go back through to understand the decisions made and why. NICUs usually offer a similar service and could be contacted via PALS. It might help to face the demons and revisit that period.
Of the wall, but cold water swimming also has proven benefits. I don’t mean artic waters but sea or river or even lido. It’s a very good way of managing depression and anxiety that isn’t at the total despair level.

For free, and something you can do in 5 to 10 minutes, try tapping (EFT). I use it with my son and it's brilliant. I've recommended it to my nanny, who also suffers from anxiety and she's getting great results too. It works in meridian points in a similar way to acupuncture but you can do it yourself and doesn't involve needles 😁. The tapping solution app is very good, but if you just google it you'll find videos of how to do it.

There are lots of things you can do, and many of them have been suggested on this thread, but like others I find your H's attitude really worrying. It's not for him to decide how you manage your anxiety, and you really should be able to have a better life than dragging through the day. I have anxiolytic medication that I use VERY occasionally along with many other strategies, but when I need a shortcut to just being able to deal, the meds really, really help.

Do you take the pill or have a mirena coil? I am convinced my anxiety was related to an intolerance of hormones.

I also agree with the comments about yoga and exercise. They really do make you feel better.

I'm sorry you're not coping very well I was diagnosed with anxiety after the birth of my daughter almost 3 years ago, which was classed as a trauma birth.

My anxiety was so bad at the time I was recommended medication by the doctor to give me some quick relief from the symptoms, which included pretty frequent panic attacks.

I found citalopram really helped. And when I felt able,I weaned myself off the medication, which I've now been without for over a year.

Due to some awful personal circumstances recently my anxiety has reared its head again and I'm having to use things i relied upon a while ago such as CBT learnings and taking a moment to rationally think through problem situations caused by my anxiety as it happens.

I've found that taking a moment and slowly rationalizing your fears and feelings really helps overcome the anxiety attack.

I'm a little concerned that you arent taking medication because your husband doesn't want you to. Unfortunately for him, this is a decision for only you to make. You have to live with this affecting you so much. Please make the choice for yourself.

Morning goodluckandgodspeed.

A simple excercise is to focus on your breath. The principle behind it is to activate the parasympathetic nervous system which is the calming part of our nervous system.

Basically you need to extend the in breath,so inhale x count to 3,hold for three and exhale x count of 3. The focus is on moving your diaphragm,so you'll need to breathe from your stomach and if this is achieved you'll see your stomach rise and fall whilst your chest stays still.
Repeat this up to 10 times before taking a break.
You can use this when waking and once completed take a final breath and on the exhale us the expulsion to get out of bed.
Hope this helps

Exercise has always been key for me, and routine. I couldn't be one of those people who has pyjama/duvet days because I just don't find it relaxing. I have to get up and dressed and bed made, then that's it, I'm up for the day.
It's really important to get enough daylight and vitamin D (with supplement if necessary) - lack of vitamin D can contribute to low mood. I need to do some exercise every day, even just a walk. For me exercise outdoors will beat the gym every time.
I need to see people and spend time with friends. I'm hopeless about talking about mental health so I don't do that (and that might be why talking therapy never worked for me), just talking about normal stuff is enough.
My friends use the headspace app and rate it, they also rate medication if needed and various talking therapies. It's very much horses for courses.
Working can be very helpful but obviously in the right job. Work can be a great distraction, good routine, spend time with colleagues etc but if there's a big problem there like poor management for me it's better just to get out and go elsewhere, I've done this and it was a great choice. One of my friends is doing similar now.
Pets are good too, stroking a purring cat is very calming.

You could try exercise. I've found that running really helps. I just did Couch to 5k. Also CBD oil is quite often recommended. Worth looking into perhaps?

I now use CBD oil, I have been able to drop to half my Sertraline dose.
It's expensive I know but it has been so worth it.

Also look into EFT. See a practitioner to learn how to do it properly first. Then you can do it yourself.

Nanny Mcfanny, there is some really good, easy to follow eft how to's online...