Ex moving away

[Mummy1823]

After some advice here please. Been separated 3 years .... live round the corner from exh. He has children 2 school nights and one full day at weekends. He’s just announced that he is moving an hour away in three weeks time and intends to bring the children to school on his two mornings a week from his new home. One child is in the school band which starts half an hour before the normal school day which he says will be impossible and the other does an after school sports club on one of his days which he says will also be stopping .AIBU to think this is a bit unfair on the children.
It is going to be impossible for me to change my working hours at such short notice as for the past three years my shifts have been based around the days he has them. I have to work long hours as he doesn’t pay any maintenance.

What did you say when he said he was moving and mentioned the changes? Is he insisting he will still share the days or is he hinting for you to take them on?

I don't have any advice but maybe try posting in Legal?

Surely he can't be allowed to stop the DC doing their activities because of his decision to move.

Why doesn't he pay maintenance? Can you go through CMS?

If he said I’m moving 500 miles away you would have nothing and no options. He’s staying, your dislike for him shines through. But he’s there even if the hours don’t fully suit

I was a bit taken aback when he rang and announced it to be honest. He is moving in with his girlfriend and children ( who has only met mine 3 times). He is insisting he sticks to his days.
Doesn’t pay maintenance as self employed and says that his business doesn’t make monkey. Believe me - I have been chasing this for years

I think that is very unfair to your children.

Why would it be impossible for him to deal with the early time and after school?

So he’s moving but wants yo keep the sane contact Bar one very early drop off. Sounds to me like he’s trying to maintain contact. Has he asked you to do any of the travelling? No.... then not sure what you are not happy about,

Contact with the father takes president over children’s activities (that’s what a judge will tell you if it went to court).

An hour away isn’t that far. Let him parent. You should be facilitating contact, not trying to hinder it.

@NorthernSpirit she's unhappy because the kids have to stop doind activities because he won't make the effort to commute much earlier/later or sort his days out.

Get yourself to cms for a start.

It is unfair on the kids but unless you can swap days around I don’t think there’s much you can do about it. I’d let him explain it to the kids; could you find a similar sports club for one of them to do at the weekend so your child isn’t missing out completely?
Has he got good reasons for moving? If he has then I can see that he can’t let Children’s clubs stop him doing that.

I’ve got no intention of hindering contact or going to court etc. But I think I am allowed to feel slightly annoyed that in three weeks time ( with no notice) the children’s lives are going to have to change.

Doesn’t pay maintenance as self employed and says that his business doesn’t make money.

Let the CMS be the judge of that.

I'd be annoyed too. And definitely let him be the one to explain about the clubs! How old are DC?

It is a bit crappy what he's done. But I don't think there is a lot you can do, as he still wants contact, Just won't be able to do the hours to suit your work. Let work know about the changes asap.

I hope you get this sorted. It's not a great situation for your children. But what can you do?

Don’t do any taking or collecting at all from day one. Don’t facilitate his move. He’s a selfish got to not pay for his kids.

Did you attempt to use the CMS for maintenance or have you just taken his word on the money side of things?

My ex hid his money so he wouldn't have to pay. Disgusting. We've done plenty fine without his input. But only thanks to not having nice things.

At court I was told that kids have to have some time for activities. He should try harder to facilitate that seeing as he's the one moving.

Is his access court ordered.

I’d be speaking to the kids and asking what they want tbh. I’d be really annoyed on their behalf. Contact is for the kids benefits how is this benefitting the kids when his actions are meaning they are effecting his kids school life?

So the kids have to stop their activities. That's just the beginning. I wonder how long he's going to carry on with all the travelling? He'll soon get fed up with it - or the kids will.

Thanks for all your advice . I did go through the CMS and got 5 pounds a week for a while but he’s stopped paying that. I applied for a variation but got nowhere.
I know there is nothing I can do about the moving situation .... it’s just all a bit rubbish and the short notice with the activities makes it harder as they have committed to being in a summer performance and now can’t go to rehearsals.

Kids are 9 and 6 - access isn’t court ordered . We agreed it between us and it’s worked v well.