Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That she didn't tell me?

21 replies

Moofreemum1 · 21/05/2019 23:51

A work friend had a new job and is leaving. There is a group of us that are friends at work. We have a group chat but me and this girl also message each other outside of it and have a laugh and tag each other in things on social media. We have a lot in common and talk alot at work. We are similar age however I'm part time and she is full time along with all the others who are also FT. I thought something was happening as I saw she was whispering with one of the girls, saying how stressed she was. I just knew something was happening. However when I asked her why she was stressed she didn't say and the other girl butted in saying she was just a "stress head" I feel like all the others knew and she decided not to tell me?? I don't gossip or tell people's secrets so AIBU to feel upset that she didn't tell me and that the others knew?

OP posts:
Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 21/05/2019 23:52

Oh and the reason I actually found out was a email that was sent last week to the whole department. I've only read it today. We messaged each other yesterday and she still didn't mention anything??

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 22/05/2019 00:00

Why would she? Obviously this girl has got other friends apart from you and just thought she'd confide in this one. You seem to think you're bff status but maybe not ...

Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 22/05/2019 00:12

No the other girls in our friendship group knew. But I didn't. Not saying we are bff at all just thought she would say. I just think it's weird we were messaging yesterday and she still said nothing?

OP posts:
Lakefront · 22/05/2019 00:21

She probably didnt tell you because you are a work acquaintance and not a close friend. Most people don't tell anyone at work untill they have told their manager and a official notice has been put out.

thenightsky · 22/05/2019 00:24

It seems strange. I'd be a bit upset and feel snubbed. I don't think YABU.

Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 22/05/2019 00:28

It's the whispering that got me. And then when I asked her to her face she didn't say anything. It's like they didn't want me to know. She was happily shouting out how stressed she was to the office. Thought we were all friends clearly not. Out of a group of 8 women to be the only one not to know is a bit harsh I feel.

OP posts:
springydaff · 22/05/2019 00:43

Hang on, do you know for sure the other women knew?

FreshAprilStart · 22/05/2019 00:44

If she is stressed and changing jobs, that would be uppermost in her mind and she's probably all excited and apprehensive with the pending changes to come. The thought she would take time out from all this upheaval to deliberately find energy to pointedly exclude you is such overthinking. Just stop and step back and really think about why she would do that?

Do you often catastrophise things? Overthink what people do?

Isn't the more logical conclusion that she's just overlooked the communication in all the flurry of change?

Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 22/05/2019 00:47

I asked the other girls.

I asked her outright to her face why she was so stressed and she chose not to tell me. She didn't forget

OP posts:
Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 22/05/2019 00:48

Just don't get why but guess I won't be seeing her again after her leave date 🤷🏻‍♀️ we all have a get together at one of the girls houses before she goes. So that should be fun

OP posts:
FreshAprilStart · 22/05/2019 00:54

When I've been job hunting I've only ever told a few people as it's a very personal decision and also pressured if going for interviews. Maybe she just wanted to keep it quiet?

Be happy for her and wish her well. You're implying there is malice in this, but it doesn't appear that way.

Whatever you do, be careful not to come over as sulky or sullen about this with the remaining colleagues. Can't see that helping.

springydaff · 22/05/2019 00:58

I don't think you're catastrophising at all. If she did leave you out then that can be very destabilising.

Just to clarify - was 'I asked the other girls' in answer to my asking 'are you absolutely sure the others knew'?

Something along these lines happened to me once. I thought we were quite close, had a good thing going - but apparently not. It can tilt your world a bit and it's certainly a knock to your confidence.

There's nowt so queer as folk op Flowers

onlymyselftoanswerto · 22/05/2019 00:58

Maybe she assumed you already knew? If everyone else knew because of the work email, how was she to know you didn't read it until today? I honestly think you're overthinking this one.

Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 22/05/2019 07:39

@springydaff yes that was in answer to how do you know about the other girls knowing.

@onlymyselftoanswerto I'm talking about before the department email went around. All of this happened 3 weeks ago and over those 3 weeks she's been saying how stressed she is. I did guess she was leaving because of other stuff she was doing too

OP posts:
itshappened · 22/05/2019 07:49

Maybe she is closer to them as they work more days together. That doesn't mean that you aren't friends, just that she spends more time with them and they inevitably talk and share things when you're not working.

Minty · 22/05/2019 08:08

I think it's just a fact that if you are PT you aren't going to be as involved in the group as everyone who's FT. Also, trying to involve yourself in other people's whispered conversations in the office is not going to help. You can't demand to know other people's business.

It does sound like you and this girl have a friendship that's about having a few laughs, not anything more serious. That's fine in itself but you can't force it to be more. As a PP said, you've got to work with all the others afterwards so you need to tread a bit carefully.

Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 22/05/2019 08:30

@minty I weren't getting involved with the whispers I let them get on with that. Just annoyed me because we aren't teenagers don't need to sit in an office and whisper.
And I asked her why she was stressed because she came back from lunch repeating how stressed she was and that she had this massive headache. She was sitting right beside me so obviously I'm going to say what's up?

OP posts:
Fifthtimelucky · 22/05/2019 08:54

When I used to work part time I often found out about things later than everyone else. Someone would pass on some news to those who were there, and there was then a general an assumption that everyone knew and people didn't often think to tell me separately.

Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 22/05/2019 08:57

Yea I guess so fifth I do find because I'm part time I get left out alot of things because in not there when it happens. Frustrating at times but I guess they don't mean to

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 22/05/2019 09:28

I think fifthtimelucky is right.Often when you are P/T you may not be in the loop as much as a f/t TBH.Try not to be upset ,she may feel (rightly or wrongly) that you may not understand the stress she is under ,and the F/T people will. Dont worry about it ,and still go to the get together if you can .

Kaiylee · 22/05/2019 12:33

If an email was sent to everyone last week she may well have assumed you knew. It's not her fault if you didn't read it until now.

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. They may have thought it weird you didn't mention it. Or maybe no one mentioned it as it wasn't directly relevant to any conversations.

If your close enough to them to be invited to a gathering at one of their houses I doubt they are suddenly deciding to exclude you.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread