To ask for your best tips to survive full time working with a family

[BottomlessPit]

I’m contemplating applying for a full time position I really like the look of (currently work 2.5 days). School has after school club and job potentially has flexi hours... I think it could work, but what do you find helpful for surviving full time work with 2 DC and OH who is away intermittently? Batch cooking? A cleaner? Gin?? Hit me! Thanks

Cleaner! Enough uniform so you can do one midweek wash only. DH more than pulls his weight thankfully and has days off in the week so he does aldi shopping and cooking on the days that he’s off. Shared online calendar, meal plan and activity whiteboard in the kitchen. Never popping to the shop without checking milk/bread/basics.

Agree re partner who does his share but specifically does his share without it being your job to tell him what needs doing.
Reliable childcare.
Cleaner if you can afford it.
Make sure you have enough of school uniform, underwear, workwear, towels and bed linen that you're not always running low and under pressure to do laundry.
Food: a mix of batch cooking, easy 15 - 30 minute type meals and prepared stuff from the supermarket. Refuse to feel bad because you don't make your own pesto and hummus or sometimes pay over the odds for stuff someone else has prepared for you (you're keeping people in jobs!)
Start teaching dc to be responsible for their own things (within reason) such as putting school bag where it belongs instead of dumped in the hall to be tripped over, lunch boxes/water bottles removed from bags when they get home each day, dirty clothes in laundry baskets, tidying own rooms etc.
Family calendar in the kitchen where everyone can see it plus synch yours and DH electronic calendars so you both know what's coming up, who's available or unavailable.
Down time. Very important. Don't fall into the guilty mum trap of thinking you have to somehow make up for being at work full time by spending all weekend doing enriching stuff with the dc. Sometimes an afternoon on the couch watching a dvd is what everyone needs .

What will the commute be like? I get a lot of life admin done on the train or waiting on the platform. But the commute means I need reliable childcare with a bit of flexibility so if your train is late it's not catastrophic.

Consider your options for when DC are ill.

Meal plan and don't be overambitious.
Do 5-10 mins housework each evening to keep the worst at bay.
I put on a load of laundry as soon as I get in from work, move it to dry when I put DS to bed and then fold / put away either just before bed or the next day after work.

Everything ready for morning the night before. Make up a week's worth of packed lunch sandwiches on Sunday and freeze them.

All of the above

Main thing is OH on board (I bet he’s not on a chat forum asking how to get organised as his wife is going to move to full time) Not being sarcastic or funny, it just makes me slightly meh about women needing to get organised but it’s definitely both of you.

Shared calendar

Planned weekly shop (online or visit - DH does as when he drops dd at activity for 45 min).

Shared notes on phone for birthdays, food shopping, to do lists. Mark off when complete

“Everything has a home” rule. Nothing left out in our house. It attracts junk and mess builds up

Chores for DC - age appropriate

Morning routine set inc. dc choosing breakfast the night before, uniform out

Cleaner / ironing person

Laundry routine - mines in the machine the night before to go on before I leave. Hung out that night. Iron in short bursts whist dc in bath every 2 nights or one big lot in front of tv

I love all this get a cleaner shit
Not in the real world unless you are mumsnet rich

Try having 4 dc, single parent, useless unemployed ex who.pays no maintenance and working fulltime in a minimum wage factory job just to keep the family going.

I struggle and I feel like walking away.

But hey that's not what the ok wants to hear so what helps me is getting stjff ready the night before and down time at the weekends

I've always worked full time. I've found that a weekly cleaner who also does the ironing is the best investment . And DH has always done plenty of batch cooking so the freezer has a lot of pre-cooked food. I get something out in the morning and it's ready to cook in the evening. As long as I know the house is going to be sparkling at least one day a week, that we always have clean and pressed clothes, and a hot meal every night, life is pretty good.

@cardibach you have nailed it, that's real life. Just get on with it and do what's best for you and your family.
I was a childminder and I was happy for children to come to me in their pyjamas and have breakfast and get ready with my children this made the children's day not so long

Thanks, everyone. You’ve nailed it that we would both have to step up - have had quite an old fashioned balance of chores in some respects because OH has full-on work schedule and I have been working PT so able to compensate. You’ve given me confidence though - thank you. We all manage in our own way! You’re all awesome. Thank you for getting back to me xx

The cleaner who irons is a godsend. My OH works away a lot and he does everything that can be done online from the weekly grocery shop to buying birthday presents. I think having shared responsibilities is really the main thing tbh.

Move in with a woman. They will already been on a chat forum planning how to be organised.

For me working FT wouldn’t work with DH “away intermittently” as we commute so I couldn’t get enough hours work in if had to do both morning and eve pick ups. He also does his fair share of domestic work and parenting.

Oh, school holidays are a PITA and expensiveto sort childcare for!

Online shopping is a god send. I can’t face supermarkets at weekends or after school when the kids are tired.

Choose what house jobs annoy you. Mine is mess and the washing and ironing so I keep tidy and keep the washer going every day set to come on overnight.

Then we have a weekly cleaner and I do bits in between but not much

Worked FT since my DD was 9m old. She's now 10.5 and DS is 7. They have school dinners as often as I can get them to so they just need a 'lunch' for tea.

Meal planning, get bags ready the night before. Flexible time helps a great deal (I work it) as you're not tied to a set time to start or finish so when they get older and have swim lessons, football, parents evenings etc after school.

Just be aware you'll need to factor in time off for sports days and the like.

What G5000 and Raymond said. What's he doing to get organised?

Get a cleaner.
Cook very easy dinners.
Have 2 hours on Saturday morning where the whole family mucks in to tidy, strip beds, sort laundry, do shopping and put it away etc, then knock off for the rest of the day and have fun.

Number 1 is always a full (ie, doing the mental work of sorting out who could pick up child1 from school to go to a party, what's for dinner, and so on) split of jobs.

In addition to the things above, someone on here advised having a box of last resort for when things go wrong. I keep the last pair of school shoes/trainers/football boots in there for when one shoe is lost, spare school and pe socks, school tie (pick up things second hand, even if a bit tatty for everyday). Also, loaf of bread in the freezer, UHT milk, a few teabags, £20 in cash, envelopes, pens/pencils, stamps - anything you can think of that might cause you to be running round flapping at 7am when you have run out or a child tells you tearfully that they must have £3.66 in exact change today.

Deal with all school letters straightaway, and for anything that you need the details of, take a photo and store it in your phone calendar (both of you)

OH must cover any sick or inset days for children for first 6 months while you get established.
Declutter ruthlessly before you start the job to make it easier to keep the house clean.
Nice family traditions or something to look forward to every week - we do family chocolate night on Friday night, everyone has a turn at choosing a block to share and I do a yoga class on Sunday.
Main things are everyone is fed, everyone gets to where they need to be and everyone has clean clothes. Housework takes second place

Kids need chores too - start them now as well as any other changes in routine where possible so not everything is new on day 1 of the new job

Don't do it unless you absolutely have to. The reality is that the men dont step up. You will get annoyed with the mess quicker than him and do more making you more tired than him. You will also bear the mental load of trips bdays school emails etc FOR THE DURATION and that has to he factored in.

I've worked full time since kids were pre schoolers. Honestly I find it easy, yes I said easy.

1. cleaner
2. make it clear to your partner they have 50/50 responsibility in regards to pick ups, sickness etc where possible no matter what they earn.
3. We buy our lunches, a big no no on MN but I don't want to be making sandwiches that are cold and dry by 1pm, kids have school dinner, I pop out for mine, a good excuse to get away from the desk.
4. find a flexible working arrangement that works for you, I work from home one day a week which gives me 1 day of headspace without employees or children asking me questions etc. It's very good for my mental health. I get some washing done too!
5. lay down your expectations to your partner immediately (sorry if I'm assuming you have one when you don't) it is not your responsibility to work and do all the house work,
6. climb the ladder, the further you go the easier it is to work flexibility, get to apts, not have to be micro managed etc etc (maybe not in all careers admittedly, it's like this in my line of work)
7. online shop, honestly Aldi is not worth the shit of shopping in person!!!

Think that's my list! Genuinely do not struggle, when they get ill is the biggest stress I guess but this happens infrequently now at school age.

And to add my DH is military and away up to 4 months at a time, no issues, but we do plan childcare as if he isn't here at all.

I don’t work full time but work long hours when I do.

I would say-planning in advance is definitely the way to go.

On a Sunday, I do a meal plan and sort diary for the week. Establish who needs what, what I need to buy and who needs to be where and when.

Then I do an online shop to come on Monday.

We have a big jar which change goes in for bus fares so there’s no emergency stress at 8am.

Any letters get answered and paid straight away.

Washing done regularly. Dishwasher goes on straight after dinner and emptied as soon as it finishes. Hoovering and mopping quickly once a week, unless filthy! Kitchen wiped runs about ten times a day . Toilets all cleaned on the same day once a week. Bathroom cleaned (quickly) whilst kids in the bath.

It all goes tits up when I’m ill though!