Please tell me it gets better!

[coffeecoffeecarbs]

I am a SAHM to my 18 month old DS. Whilst I love him to absolute pieces he is becoming more and more challenging and it is sucking the life out of me. He has constant tantrums, whinges, refuses to hold my hand and seems to have a very short attention span in playing alone. Everything is a battle - nappy changes, getting him dressed, you name it.

I take him to a group every morning and he spends a lot of the time trying to take toys from other children and then having a meltdown when I remove him from the situation and tell him no. He seems happy running around at the park but I really worry that I have a child who cannot seem to play quietly/nicely like I see others doing at groups.

My mum describes him as 'a handful' and some days I feel like a failure and that there is something wrong with him and then also me for feeling like crying after the 80th battle of the day with him.

Has anyone else experienced this and please tell me it gets better?!

Life doesn't have to be like that.

www.fedup.com.au/factsheets/symptom-factsheets/tantrums

Give it another 17 years and it'll all work out fine x

I suspect my DD has ADHD - she's been like this since that age and is now 6 with no signs of slowing down. It doesn't get any easier in my experience but it DOES get more fun - we can have a laugh together now which does compensate a lot for the tantrums and general bad behaviour.

It does get better OP. 18 months can be a challenging age. Do you get any time for yourself?

18 months is a tough time, OP. In my experience, they get a lot better once they can speak fluently and communicate their wishes.

Also, I'm probably projecting a bit here but it's easy to get trapped in a cycle where you panic over your mother labelling your child (as "difficult" or "fussy" or "spoiled" or whatever) and so you don't trust your own ability to handle tantrums, so the tantrums escalate, leading to more judginess, etc. I've had some crap days with DD in the past because I wasn't picking my battles, because I was scared of running into my mother and getting snide remarks about what DD was wearing, or what she was eating, etc etc.

It does get better! And you're not a failure. He's his own little man, and it sounds like you got the high octane model. That doesn't sound like a little fella with something wrong with him, it just sounds like a standard 18 month old who runs 100 miles an hour - which is exhausting for you!

It definitely gets better. He's very young. Don't take him to group every day. Remove the stress. Instead go scooting. Check out local parks. Head to the woods. Go swimming. Go to baby gym (an unstructured one where he can run and climb.) Do you have any friends who can join you so he still gets social interaction but in a way that suits his personality better. Then you can build up to playgroup...go once a week instead. Make sure he isn't tired or hungry when you go as it will help. Not all little ones sit and play. He might still need a lot of help from you to show him what to do. (The time for sitting having coffee and watching will come before you know it )

Mine is 18 months and the same! The worst is that he won't hold my hand and just runs off so it's tiring taking him anywhere! He's brilliant though, I think it's just the age and not knowing how to communicate exactly what he wants.

18 months is so hard, lack of communication skills but an urge to do everything.
For what its worth I dont have a toddler who ever sat down in groups and played calmly. Have you got a soft play near you you can pitch up there instead, burn off some of that energy?

Look up Hand in Hand Parenting, a totally radical approach .

X

It really does get better. 18 months is a shit age--I found it the hardest time.

Is he talking much yet? IMO 18-24 months is the worst point for tantrums, because they know exactly what they want but don’t have the words to explain it yet. It’s frustrating for them so they get angry. Both of mine have been much easier to handle when their speech was better developed. And there is usually a language explosion from 18-24 months.

My youngest is just over 2. She definitely still has tantrums and she’s much more of a handful than her older sibling. But there’s definitely light at the end of the tunnel. Eg if she wakes v early, I pick her up out of the cot (as she’s crying), give her a cuddle and say it’s time for sleep, not time to get up. She kicks off massively at this; but 3/4 months ago she would just tantrum. Now she is still angry and shouting but she tells me what she wants (‘not my bed, mummy’s bed’ 😂). I mean, I may not necessarily say yes to her, but this morning I did, she snuggled in and went straight back to sleep. Tantrum diverted.

It gets easier!!

My DD was easy as a baby and toddler. Never tantrumned, chilled out etc. She’s now 10 and super easy. Very independent, emotionally mature etc.

My DS was (and still can be) an absolute pain in the arse. Just like you described. He’s now nearly 6 and still has his moments, but he is slowly learning to control himself. For him it’s all about emotional maturity and communication. He still regularly kicks off (cos obviously the world should evolve around him), but I can see him trying to stop himself. He knows how he should behave, he just sometimes struggles to do it. As he’s developed emotional maturity he has kicked off less and less.

As others have said, as soon as he starts to speak and can express himself I’m sure it will get much easier.

Chin up! It does get better I can tell you but you have to stick your guns. Keep doing what you are doing :) Boys are more of a handful at a young age or at least mine was! But now 14yrs on I couldn't be more prouder. 18mths as everyone has said is tough, purely frustration from the childs point of view as communication is difficult, plus mixing with other children and learning to share is something they all have to learn. Be tough and firm, if he won't hold your hand get him some reigns that will give him a little freedom when you are out and you can gradually teach him to hold your hand and praise when he does ie: crossing a road etc. As for the tantrums let him have them and ignore them!! I know it sounds harsh but tough love worked for me the more you give him your attention when he has these the more he will have. Attention span could be because he is highly intelligent and cannot yet express himself as well as it also being a 'boy' thing. I found my son always needed ideas of what to play with or what to do (still does to a point!) But my daughter would always amuse herself.
All I can say is hold it together my love be strong in front of him and if you need to shed the odd tear like we all do or have done feel free, this does not mean you are bad mum..just human. x

I have this problem but my baby is 10 months, basically already a tantrumming toddler so I feel like there’s no end in sight. So I don’t have much advice for an 18 month old but I sympathise.

Can you afford nursery one or two mornings a week? Being a SAHM is exhausting. I am still on mat leave at the moment and DD is going 8 hours a week at nursery. It’s the only thing keeping me sane.

It does get easier I promise, life with toddlers can be the absolute worst at times. This too will pass.

Thank you everyone - he isn't saying much so I do know a lot of it comes from frustration. I have also often wondered about a food intolerance or ADHD but I am hoping he has neither!