It hurts.

[sassysadness]

Less an AIBU I guess more how do I stop feeling so hurt that my kid is a grown up, lives abroad and I don’t see them often. I do have my own life, friends, keep busy etc but feel so redundant now. We are not close anymore. Sometimes I read about no or low contact situations and feel that has happened to me. Sorry. Just sad tonight. Any tips?

Do you speak to your child? Phone/Facetime etc? I know it's hard - of course it is. I don't claim to know the answer either - for me keeping very busy worked!

How much do you reach out? Something to bear in mind about the late teens/twenties is that there is SO MUCH happening in one's life day to day, you are literally building the life you will be living for the next 50-60 years - it's easy to be a bit crap about remembering to call home, or to be a bit distracted on the phone.

And frankly I think it's our job as parents to keep that connection going, even if it's us doing most/all the leg work for a while. Being taken for granted a little kind of means we've done a good job, in a sense - they trust us to always be there, behind them, so much they forget to look round and make sure we're still there. Which sucks a bit, but I suppose that's the gig...

Call or write. Tell them you love them and miss them. Do it again in a week or so even if you don't get a reply. If they're on social media, get on there too so you can keep up with the mundane stuff and communicate in a forum that's habitual for them, in a bitesize way that's easy to make time for.

They may respond, they may not. I can't imagine how gutted i'll be when i can't see my daughter every day. But try and remember the fact they aren't dancing attendance on you desperate for your conditional approval actually means you've done a great job xx

Full disclosure I was often a bit of a self-centred wanker from 19-22 - genuinely you would have thought I was the first person EVER to do a degree and fall in and out of love, I was so wrapped up in it all Didn't mean I had stopped loving anyone or made a conscious decision to cut them out - just disappeared up my own arse for a bit. I am very grateful anyone was still there for me when I came out!

All, thank you. ❤️ Perspective restored too. I do all that and more namestheyareachangin and yes I did do a good job. 😊 xxx

How old is your DC.
It is easy is act dismissive to your parent, when your busy creating your own life.
I didn't think twice about my lack of contact with DM from 18 to 25, now at 38 we are very close again.
Do they have DC yet, As long as there isn't a big back story, it is normal and should come full circle.

Send them a little simple card it is a lovely way to check in, no pressure for a long chat, just a reminder they're in your thoughts.

I didn't realise how amazing my parents are until I had my own children. I then made a more conscious effort with them - we were always close but I could be a right selfish bitch sometimes and looking back I'm embarrassed how I treated them at times (normal teenage stuff and being a typical young person!) So honestly bear with them and I'm sure at some point they'll come back around.

@EmeraldShamrock my mum is Irish and always sends nice little cards and writes a little letter in them. Your post combined with your username made me feel all warm and fuzzy!

No back story, 25, no kids and full on busy.Just miss him.He is a good lad. X

Why don't you write a letter once a month........use quirky coloured inks, send little family jokes

Just keep being there , he'll always know you as 'home'.
Are you able to visit him?